Browsing Tag: tears

Years ago, when one of my daughters was about 10, she was having some problems.  She was mouthy, argumentative and hostile.  It seemed like most of our interactions ended up in tears, sometimes her and sometimes mine. She decided she wanted to go to a therapist to work on some personal issues, which I thought was a great idea.  After several visits the therapist told me that she was a great kid but that she just needed more of my time.  I was shocked because I thought I gave her a lot of my time and I dismissed what he said as irrelevant.  It wasn’t until years later that I finally understood what it was that he was trying to tell me.  Most of the interactions I had with her centered on things like telling her to do her jobs, asking her for help with other kids, telling her to hurry up or slow down, and telling her things to not do or to get done.  Yes, I was spending time with her but it wasn’t the one-on-one individual time she needed.  It wasn’t the kind of time that said I love you and enjoy your company and want to be with you.  It wasn’t the kind of time where I go to know her heart, her hopes and fears, it wasn’t quality time.  Fortunately, this daughter has grown up to be an amazing person in spite of my ignorance.  She finds time for each of her children despite working full-time, probably because she recognizes the importance of it.  She is the kind of mother I wish I had been better at. So, if I had another magic wand to undo some things I would leave my house a little messier,  I would fix simpler meals and I would find ways to spend time individually with her and with each of my kids. I would get to know a little better what is important to each of them, get to know their hearts a little better.  Hopefully they would each know that I loved them and enjoyed their company and wanted to spend time with them.