Browsing Tag: talk

I have always worked hard to give good talks.  Even when I was a teenager I tried to give talks worth listening to.  People would tell me “when we see your name on the program we know it’s going to be a good meeting.”  Now, I know these people meant this as a compliment but what it really did was put pressure on me to give a perfect talk.  Each talk I gave had to be better than the previous one because I didn’t want to let anyone down.  So, I usually spent many hours researching the topic, memorized my talks and worked on the delivery.  It got so bad that I developed anxiety about speaking, thinking my talk had to be perfect.  I was sure people were listening to every word to judge me, deciding if I was competent or not.  When I was in college while I was speaking in a church meeting the pressure to perform became so great that I fainted in the middle of the talk-right there on the stand, flat-out fainted.  I got back up to finish the talk but started getting light-headed again so the bishop told me to not worry about finishing it. Fortunately I wasn’t asked to speak again in that ward!  But a few years later while I was speaking in another ward the same thing happened.  Because I had memorized the talk I kept on talking while getting light-headed hoping it would pass but all that passed was me-right there on the stand again.  This time I got up and made a joke about fainting and was able to continue with the talk.  After fainting twice while giving talks I really became anxious about speaking in pubic and this carried over to teaching lessons and even saying prayers in Sacrament Meeting.  I was so worried about doing these things perfectly but ironically when others gave talks if they didn’t word everything perfectly I didn’t think they were incompetent or lazy or foolish.  Usually I just enjoyed their talks and never thought they had to be perfect.  And so I prayed and hoped I wouldn’t be asked to give a talk or prayer.

Several years later I was asked to give the opening prayer in Sacrament Meeting and I was petrified-I didn’t want to mess up or faint.  As I stood at the pulpit and looked out at the audience the thought came to me “these people are all your friends and they would never wish you any harm” and then a complete peace settled on me.  I have no idea what I said in that prayer but I believe that because I was willing to do the prayer even though I was terrified, the Lord blessed me with this wonderful, peaceful experience.  This experience was life changing for me and just like the anxiety carried over from talks to lessons and prayers, this experience also carried over to those other areas.  The peace I felt  was amazing, so much so that now when I speak in a meeting I feel the peaceful reassurance that these people are my friends and wishing the best for me. I still work really hard to give good talks or lessons but now I am no longer worried about having to be perfect at it, in fact there’s been a couple of times I have actually enjoyed speaking.