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Faith,Life

Headaches and Migraines

posted on : July 19, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have written many times before about how I have had migraines for many years. I had my first migraine when I was 21. At the time I didn’t know it was a migraine. I was shopping and all of a sudden my head really hurt, I felt a little nauseated and my eyes hurt. Aspirin had always helped with my previous headaches, so I went home and took two aspirin. I was surprised when aspirin didn’t help. I continued having headaches, and I continued taking aspirin, and I continued to be surprised when it didn’t help. Being a poor student I didn’t have any money so I didn’t go to the doctor about it.

I graduated from college, went to graduate school and got two Master’s Degrees, all the while having headaches. I met and married a wonderful man (he’s still wonderful!), and had two children. One day I was reading a magazine article about headaches and the descriptions of the different types of headaches. I was really surprised when my headaches fit the description of migraines. It had never occurred to me that they were migraines. I did go to the doctor about them but there was little they could do until I was through having children.

I continued to have debilitating migraines and the funny part about all of this is that it didn’t occur to me to pray about this problem. Of course I usually prayed for help with individual headaches, but overall it just didn’t occur to me to pray about it. I think I was thinking that everyone has something to deal with and this was just one of my things to deal with. For many years I stumbled through my days trying to deal with my responsibilities with children, a home, a husband and well, basically my life.

Fast forward several years when I was pregnant with my sixth child. For some reason I decided to pray about a way to treat them. I’m not sure what changed or why it finally occurred to me to do this. By this time I had been having migraines for 18 years, and yes, sometimes I’m a little slow.

I started asking for guidance in my prayers. I asked to be directed to find a way to treat the migraines when they happened. I even hoped that maybe I could find some way to prevent them. I prayed about this for several weeks. At this time I was serving in the Young Women’s presidency in my ward at church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). We were having a presidency meeting when one of women in the meeting started talking about headaches she was having. Her doctor had told her to take an aspirin with a Coke and lie down for a while. When she said this I strongly had the Holy Ghost tell me to do this too.

Not being a Coke person I tried Pepsi with the aspirin. It worked! It worked fairly well most of the time. Sometimes it just dulled the pain and sometimes it didn’t work but this was the first thing I had tried that even came close to working. I did some research and found it was the caffeine in the Pepsi that worked so I switched to aspirin with a caffeine tablet. Later on I alternated between aspirin, acetaminophen and ibuprofen with the caffeine. This gave me the ability to function much better for several years. In hind sight I wish I had prayed about it many years sooner.

So the lesson I mostly learned from this experience is that God is often just waiting to bless us but that we need to ask Him. We need to humble ourselves, recognize that He is our Father in Heaven and ask (sometimes beg) for the blessings we need. We need to show our faith in Him by asking and then moving forward in faith knowing the blessing will come, when it’s the right time and in the right way. Sometimes this means it’s not the way or what we expected, but He will bless us. I recently read a talk in the May 2019 Ensign by Dale G. Renlund  about qualifying for blessings that God wants to give us. “Most blessings that God desires to give us require action on our part-action based on our faith in Jesus Christ. Faith in the Savior is a principle of action and of power,” said Elder Renlund.

Since then I have learned that sometimes I’m the one denying myself help from heaven because I haven’t asked for it. I have also learned to be more specific in my prayers, to ask with faith in Jesus Christ, and then watch for the hand of God in my life.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/41renlund?lang=eng

 

Down syndrome,Lessons Learned

See The Good In The World

posted on : April 6, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have written before about an organization called Orange Socks. Their mission is to teach people about the joys of raising a child with disabilities. Most people hear about or assume the difficulties and Orange Socks wants people to know there are good times as well as hard times. Their tag line is “inspiring life despite a diagnosis.” Orange Socks interviews families who have a child with disabilities and posts the interviews on their website as well as doing podcasts. They want people who are facing a diagnosis to hear from people who actually have a child with that disability. It helps to learn from those who have gone before us, to learn from them the realities of raising that child, of the good and the hard.

The reason why I am writing about this again is thatI have been privileged to go to several of the interviews. I was touched by the fierce love and advocacy the parents all have for their child and in some cases, children. I was impressed that these parents spoke mostly of the joys and happiness their child has brought to their family. When asked about the difficulties every parent said it was worth it, that they got far more back than they ever gave. I was amazed that in every interview I went to, except for one, the parents all spoke about how they relied on prayer to help them with their challenges. They spoke of receiving inspiration to help guide them as they cared for their child. The interviews have taken place all over the country, with people from many different religions. It really surprised me that so many people talked about praying. It surprised me that so many talked about relying on God to help them. It gave me hope to know of so many good people in the world. Sometimes it is easy to focus on the distressing things we hear about going on in the world. The media seems to blast daily sometimes even hourly the bad things that occur. It’s easy to think that most people are unkind and hurtful from watching the news.

There was another thing that happened also has given me hope. Several years ago I attended a 3 week program in Minnesota that focused on how to live with chronic pain. Every morning we had to set goals for the day, which were written on a white board in the classroom. One day, another woman in the program said her goal for the day was to express more gratitude in her prayers. That one comment is probably the thing I remember most from attending the chronic pain program. It told me that way over in Minnesota, there was a woman who believed in praying, who believed in God and in acting on that belief. It showed me that there are good people all over the country and world. Sometimes it seems like there is so much bad, and hurtful and horrific things that are happening. When I reflect on the parents interviewed and the woman from the program, I remember that there are good people in the world. Good people who believe in praying and believe in God. Who believe in helping others and giving service to their children. Even with the media bombarding us about all of the bad happening I know there is much good in the world. We live in scary times, but we also live in good and hopeful times. Take time to look for the good and you will find it!

Down syndrome,Lessons Learned

Down Syndrome and What I Have Learned

posted on : March 20, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I was 45 when my last child was born. Because of my age the doctors wanted me to do genetic testing to look for possible defects. I declined because even if the tests showed something I wouldn’t have had an abortion, so why bother. I really thought there was nothing wrong. I had had seven other children that were healthy and I knew this child was supposed to come to our home so I just thought there couldn’t possibly be something wrong. Actually, I’m really glad I didn’t know beforehand that she had Down Syndrome because I would have worried about it the entire pregnancy. I would have gone to the worst possible scenarios and possibly have felt bleak. Not knowing beforehand saved me from a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

I have always had c-sections and when she was being born I could feel what the doctors were doing so the anesthesiologist quickly put me out. Later, in the recovery room, in my hazy rousing, I could hear my husband say that the baby had Down Syndrome. This was also a blessing because my brain began to process that information. When I was fully awake I had already accepted the information and surprisingly I was calm. Mostly I think I was trying to figure out what life was going to look like now. This was really different from how I thought it was going to be and I was trying to wrap my brain around my new reality, in a little bit of a daze.

She was born in the early afternoon and that evening after my husband had gone home and I was alone, I sat there pondering the situation. I think because I was calm I was able to hear the whisperings of the Spirit. I remembered two things that had happened in the past. One, when I was 25, was a Relief Society lesson taught by a woman who had four children, three of them with major disabilities. She spoke about how she had prayed about her children and their lives she had come to understand that for some reason this was God’s will and that her children had accepted this assignment in the premortal world. Because her children had great faith and obedience they had followed the will of the Father. At the time of the lesson I had a very strong witness that what she was saying was true. So strong in fact that I wondered about why I had had that experience. Every so often I would ponder on it throughout the years, still puzzled about the depth of it.

The next experience was remembering an Ensign (April 1993, p 27) article I had read several years before. The article was about a man who was pondering about his daughter with Down Syndrome, looking for some kind of peace as to why she was born this way. While pondering he had a remarkable experience. He said that it wasn’t a vision but more like a scenario that impressed itself on his consciousness. In his mind he saw his “family” in the premortal world and our Father and came to them and said He had an assignment for one of them. He said that our Father went on to say that the one would experience earth life differently from the rest of the family and it was necessary so that they could learn how to love purely and unconditionally. The man said that the “brightest and most beautiful” among them stepped forward and volunteered. The volunteer was his daughter with Down Syndrome. He wasn’t sure that this really happened in the premortal world but the principle that he learned was important: she was Child of God and that they had much to learn from each other. I personally think experiences like this are given to us in terms we can understand and are not literal, but they teach us important truths. The truth here is that our children come to us with great faith and together we learn things that help us grow and become better than we could otherwise.

So, back to the night in the hospital when my daughter was born. These two incidents came to my mind with the thought, “these were to prepare you for her.” A great peace and sense of wonderment filled me. Everything would be okay and we would be fine. That experience with the Spirit that night taught me several things. One was that this was not an accident. For some reason this was part of the plan. She was meant to come to my family and because of her great faith she accepted the will of the Father and was born to a different kind of life. I often remind myself that she is the “brightest and most beautiful” among us even if I can’t see that right now. She can be stubborn and obviously is not perfect. Another thing I learned was that God is aware of the details of our lives and prepares us for the things that are going to happen. I was not aware that I was being prepared but that didn’t stop the preparation from happening. When she was born God had taught me what I needed to know in order to love and care for her, and accept her. I still had a lot to learn but the foundation was in place and we could go forward secure in the knowledge that we would have His help. I have also learned since then that no matter what child you have there will be difficulties, challenges and hard times. Each child is unique and comes with his or her own challenges, they’re just usually not as obvious as Down Syndrome. I have also learned there will also be joys, peace and love. Every child has the ability to bring joy to your life if you are open to it. So, having a daughter with Down Syndrome is not exactly what I expected or thought how it should be. It’s even better.

Children,Lessons Learned

I Hate Getting Up Early

posted on : February 16, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I am not a morning person and I don’t like getting up early. My brain always feels foggy early in the morning, my bones feel stiff and my muscles rebel at having to work. Yet for over 30 years I have had to get up early to get kids ready for the day. I think I have complained the entire 30 years about it too. Recently I have noticed my 17 year old daughter (the one with Down Syndrome) saying the exact same thing I say, “I hate getting up early.” She says it frequently and bemoans the fact that she has to get up when the sky is still dark. Her words and her attitude echo mine but the funny thing is she really gets up easily early in the morning. She has learned to say those words and exhibit grumpy behavior because I do. Children are a great reflection of their parents words, actions and attitudes. They learn how to think and act about things from our behavior and sometimes that’s a good thing. Sometimes it’s not so good. Since hearing my daughter repeat not only my words but my tone of voice too, I have decided to not complain anymore (at least about getting up early). Now I have started focusing on the positive with her about getting out of a warm bed while its still dark outside. In my tired, fuzzy mornings I now say things like “aren’t we lucky that you get to go to a good school” or “you’re so lucky you get to ride the bus” because she absolutely loves to ride the bus. I still don’t like getting up early but focusing on the positive has been a good thing. There always is something positive to focus on because I live in a nice home that’s warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have good food to eat and clean water to drink. Life is good and my words and attitude should reflect that. Hearing my daughter sound like me has also been a good thing. It helps me reshape my thinking and become aware of the things I say or do that maybe I need to change. Some things are easy to change while other things can be very difficult, but we do have help available. Keith Wilcox in the April 1985 General Conference said, “By seeking the Lord through prayer and through his holy scriptures, we learn to look for the beautiful and to develop positive attitudes.” God is in the details of our lives and will help us when we ask for His help, whether it’s something easy or something hard.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1985/04/look-for-the-beautiful?lang=eng

Children,Lessons Learned,Parenting

Orange Socks

posted on : January 24, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My family has been involved in a project called Orange Socks. It’s an initiative of Rise, inc. and its purpose is educate people on the joys and challenges of raising a child with disabilities. Its tag line is “Inspiring Life Despite a Diagnosis” and they work to connect parents with each other to create support systems. Most of the time people associate challenges with raising a child who has disabilities but often don’t know of the joys that come to parents and siblings. The initiative started when statistics showed that most children with Down Syndrome are aborted. The Orange Socks founder realized that most people who are told they are having a child with Down Syndrome only heard the negative things about having a child with this condition. He decided to interview parents of children with Down Syndrome to get the good things as well as the hard about raising a child with this syndrome. It didn’t take long before Orange Socks branched out to include all disabilities and to also interview siblings. The initiative is now celebrating its two year anniversary and has interviewed over 100 families from all over the United States. The interviews can be heard on their website Orangesocks.org. In the last year they have also started doing video interviews.

I have been lucky enough to be involved in some of the interviews. I am amazed to see parents tackling hard situations and more than rising to the occasion. They grow as individuals as they care for their children in some times hard ways. Often other people will say something like “I could never raise a child with disabilities, I’m not strong enough.” What I have learned is that people are stronger than they think. In the interviews I sat in the parents all talked about how they rely on prayer and God to help them. They also talk about how their other children have learned to be more compassionate and kind. People sometimes forget that whatever child they have will have some challenges. In my experience with my daughter who has Down Syndrome I have some challenges that I did not have with my other children. But there are also some challenges that I had with my other children that I will not have with her, and she definitely has taught us a lot.

What really amazes me is that these parents in the interviews focus on the joy their child has brought to their lives and how much they love that child. They also talked about how they feel it is a privilege to “raise an angel.” The Orange Socks founder says there are usually three stages that parents go through when they find out they are having a child with disabilities. The first stage is “Why me,” as they come to terms with it. The second is “Why not me” as they realize life goes on and they are stronger than they thought. Eventually parents get to the third stage which is “Thank God it’s me” when they learn they have the privilege of raising an angel.

https://orangesocks.org/

Faith,Friendship,Lessons Learned

Cheerfully Enduring to the End

posted on : December 18, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A friend of mine recently died.  She had Multiple Sclerosis for many years and had been in a wheel chair and then bed ridden for the past 15 years.  She had lots to complain about and yet whenever I would see her in a store in a wheelchair she was cheerful and fun to chat with. During our conversations you would never think she had any problems at all, let alone a failing body.  To me she was the best example of cheerfully enduring to the end, focusing on others and looking for the good.  Years ago she was my Visiting Teacher and she told me a story about her mother and prayer.  My friend’s eight year old son was being baptized and she really wanted her mother to attend the baptism.  Her mother was not a member of our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) but my friend wanted to share the experience with her.  Since her mother did not want to participate in it, she decided to pray about it.  She prayed for several weeks that her mother would be able to attend the baptism, and then my friend was in a car accident.  She wasn’t seriously hurt but because of the multiple sclerosis she had to have some help so her mother came to stay with her to help her recover. This accident occurred shortly before the baptism of her son and so her mother was in town and attended it.  My faithful friend testified to me of the power of prayer and that God always answers our prayers even if in unexpected ways.  This story says as much about her as it does about the power of prayer.  I know she relied on prayer and her faith in Jesus Christ until the end of her life, especially when she was bedridden and struggled with bedsores and pain.  She showed grace in her trials and acceptance of God’s will, and as I struggle with migraines and other situations in my life I am grateful for her example of faith and cheerfully enduring to the end.  Hers was a life well lived.

Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

Grateful For Prayer

posted on : November 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago my husband was driving down a street in our community in his pickup truck towing a heavy load.  As he was driving along he had the words come strongly to him “Stop Now!” and so he slammed on his brakes.  Just then 2 little girls on bikes came racing out into the road, rounded the corner and obliviously pedaled away.  He told me that if he had not listened there was no way he could have stopped in time with the heavy load he was towing, and he was sure he would have run over those little girls.  He was very emotional and upset while telling me of this incident.  The little girls on the bikes however were totally unaware that their lives had been in danger.  They rode off having fun together and went home to parents who were also unaware that their daughters had been in grave danger.  I have thought about this a lot over the years.  Those girls probably had parents who prayed for their children’s safety each day and didn’t know that on this particular day their prayers had been amazingly answered. I also pray for my children every day.  I pray for the blessings they need, for their safety, for their happiness.  Because of this situation I have wondered how many times my prayers have been answered without me being aware of it.  I have wondered how many times my children have been watched over and cared for without my knowledge. And from this I can suppose that there are other ways my prayers are answered too that I am oblivious about.  Perhaps part of having faith is trusting that God will answer my prayers whether I know it or not, and knowing that my prayers are not always answered the way I want.  My faith is strengthened through prayer and receiving my Father Heaven’s help, not always in the way or time I expect it.  As I have gotten older I have come to depend more on prayer and realize more of it’s importance.  This Thanksgiving Season I am particularly grateful for the opportunity I have to pray to a loving Heavenly Father and to know He hears and answers my prayers, even when I am unaware of it.  I am grateful to feel the power of prayer in my life and to have the source of strength and comfort it offers.  I am thankful for prayer.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-souls-sincere-desire?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/pray-always?lang=eng

Life

Migraines and Survival

posted on : November 9, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have been struggling this week with migraines which is why I haven’t posted something sooner.  This plague has been part of my life for over 40 years.  Sometimes I wonder how I have survived them so long because some of them have been so horrendous, that when I was in the midst of them I didn’t want to be alive anymore.  I have been to every kind of doctor to try to rid myself of this affliction, tried every kind of treatment and have prayed with faith and desperation. Yet, I still have them. After many prayers in which I pleaded for understanding, I received an answer as to why I have this terrible trial in my life.  The answer that came was so that I would need God. The answer was humbling and yet unsatisfactory. Wasn’t there some other way?  In fact it seemed like there were many other ways in which I needed my Father in Heaven.  I have many children with difficult challenges which I prayed and worried about. We’ve had financial challenges through the years and just normal life situations. All through these I have prayed fervently for help.  I also try to be diligent in scripture reading and saying my prayers and fulfilling my callings.  It seems to me I try really hard to be a good person and yet, I still have these awful migraines. No matter what I do, lurking in the background is the fear that I will have a migraine and spoil yet another family outing or that I won’t be able to measure up in some way.  I absolutely hate that these control my life. One particularly dark time started when my youngest child was almost 2 and my oldest was 17. For the next 6 years I had severe migraines every day and I lived in survival mode.  It was during this time I sought every doctor and treatment I could find and nothing helped.  I thought about dying because I thought that if my life offered me nothing but pain in the future, what was there to live for.  I thought about dying because I wasn’t useful to anyone.  I thought about dying because I hurt so much that I was existing and not really living.

Migraines obviously affected my family as well as myself.  Sometimes I would lie in bed knowing I children who needed me, a household to run and a life to live.  I wanted to be able to volunteer at my children’s schools and I wanted to fulfill church responsibilities.  I wanted to be reliable and I wanted to be free of pain.  I really wanted most of all to be a good wife and mother, and I couldn’t do any of these things.  Most days I was lucky if I could do some laundry and put something in the crock pot so my family would have dinner. During those 6 years, and in subsequent years I did learn many things to help me get through those dark days.  In future posts I will write some of the things I found helpful.  Maybe they will be helpful to you too as you deal with whatever is painful in your life.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/wounded?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/god-shall-wipe-away-all-tears?lang=eng

Church,Faith

Fasting When It’s Difficult

posted on : October 1, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

In our church, on the first Sunday of each month, we fast for 24 hours from food.  There are two main reasons for fasting.  One is that the money we would have spent on the meals is given to the church to help those in need, and we are encouraged to be very generous with our donation.  Another reason for fasting is to learn to have our spirits in control over our bodies, because going without food for 24 hours can be very difficult.  Since I have migraines I have had difficulty in fasting.  When I don’t eat I get migraines, sometimes very severe ones, which can last for days.  They not only affect me but also my family.  I tried eating lightly to still obey the essence of the fast but I still got migraines.  One time a friend told me that she got headaches too from not eating but found that when she started and ended her fast with a prayer she did fine.  So I tried that and got a huge migraine.  Obviously what works for one person does not always work for another person.  I struggled for many years with how to fast and be obedient to the principle. I felt like I was missing out on the blessings that come from obedience, even though I felt good that we were at least doing the donation part. One day a friend suggested there are many things I could fast from besides food, which hadn’t occurred to me before.  I started thinking about this and decided I could fast from technology-no games on my phone or iPad, no reading newspapers on my laptop, no TV and no radio programs. I decided I could still do family history and my journal on my laptop, because they were not entertainment based. Basically nothing that is entertainment oriented involving technology.  I have been doing this for many years now and believe it or not, it’s very difficult to do. It’s amazing how hard it is to not get my iPad out and play a game, or to watch a TV program.  In some ways it helps me realize how much time I actually spend playing games. Because it is hard to do it is actually a fast and something that my spirit has to be in charge of.  I have to remind myself what I hope to gain from fasting, which in part is to show my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I would like to say that it has gotten easier over the years but it hasn’t.  Every Fast Sunday I still struggle with the no technology fast but I think that’s what makes it a true fast.  If it was easy it wouldn’t really be a fast.  I do believe that when I make an honest effort to be obedient to a principle, especially when it’s hard, the Lord blesses me for my efforts.  As I learn to master myself I gain greater strength to help me in other areas of my life. Fasting is another example of a commandment that is really designed to bless those who follow it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/is-not-this-the-fast-that-i-have-chosen?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-law-of-the-fast?lang=eng

Lessons Learned

Fainting While Giving a Talk is Never a Good Idea

posted on : September 6, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have always worked hard to give good talks.  Even when I was a teenager I tried to give talks worth listening to.  People would tell me “when we see your name on the program we know it’s going to be a good meeting.”  Now, I know these people meant this as a compliment but what it really did was put pressure on me to give a perfect talk.  Each talk I gave had to be better than the previous one because I didn’t want to let anyone down.  So, I usually spent many hours researching the topic, memorized my talks and worked on the delivery.  It got so bad that I developed anxiety about speaking, thinking my talk had to be perfect.  I was sure people were listening to every word to judge me, deciding if I was competent or not.  When I was in college while I was speaking in a church meeting the pressure to perform became so great that I fainted in the middle of the talk-right there on the stand, flat-out fainted.  I got back up to finish the talk but started getting light-headed again so the bishop told me to not worry about finishing it. Fortunately I wasn’t asked to speak again in that ward!  But a few years later while I was speaking in another ward the same thing happened.  Because I had memorized the talk I kept on talking while getting light-headed hoping it would pass but all that passed was me-right there on the stand again.  This time I got up and made a joke about fainting and was able to continue with the talk.  After fainting twice while giving talks I really became anxious about speaking in pubic and this carried over to teaching lessons and even saying prayers in Sacrament Meeting.  I was so worried about doing these things perfectly but ironically when others gave talks if they didn’t word everything perfectly I didn’t think they were incompetent or lazy or foolish.  Usually I just enjoyed their talks and never thought they had to be perfect.  And so I prayed and hoped I wouldn’t be asked to give a talk or prayer.

Several years later I was asked to give the opening prayer in Sacrament Meeting and I was petrified-I didn’t want to mess up or faint.  As I stood at the pulpit and looked out at the audience the thought came to me “these people are all your friends and they would never wish you any harm” and then a complete peace settled on me.  I have no idea what I said in that prayer but I believe that because I was willing to do the prayer even though I was terrified, the Lord blessed me with this wonderful, peaceful experience.  This experience was life changing for me and just like the anxiety carried over from talks to lessons and prayers, this experience also carried over to those other areas.  The peace I felt  was amazing, so much so that now when I speak in a meeting I feel the peaceful reassurance that these people are my friends and wishing the best for me. I still work really hard to give good talks or lessons but now I am no longer worried about having to be perfect at it, in fact there’s been a couple of times I have actually enjoyed speaking.