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Browsing Tag: perspective

My Right-Handed Perspective

Recently my daughter had me help her cut some paper. This is the daughter who has Down syndrome. She was trying to cut out something from a magazine to tape it on a jar. I showed her how to cut around it and started the cutting for her. I watched her cut it and for the first time noticed her hand was in the way of her seeing what she was cutting.

It occurred to me that I had started cutting on the right side of the picture and she is left-handed. I have done this many times over the years and never once noticed that she couldn’t see what she was cutting because her hand was in the way. It explained all of the jagged edges and uneven cuts she always made.  I had always wondered why she couldn’t cut anything out straight.

I stopped her and restarted the cut on the left side of the picture and she continue to cut around from that side. She cut evenly and smoothly, no jagged edges and no cutting in the wrong place. She’s 17 years old and has been using scissors since preschool and I just notice this.

Sometimes it’s really easy to see things only from my right-handed perspective. To just do something like I always do, or to think things through from my reference point. Often it’s easy for me to not notice what stops someone from doing a good job. Then I wonder why that person didn’t measure up. I wonder why they can’t cut out something without jagged edges.  My right-handed perspective gets in the way.

Often I’m dealing with “left-handed people”. People who are different from me. Someone who methods and ways contrast from mine. His or her ways are just different from mine, not bad or worse. Sometimes it is easy to judge another as incompetent, or foolish or even incapable. When I do that it’s because I’m not making the effort to look at things from his or her perspective.

Usually telling someone to just do it the way I do it is not the answer. That often produces frustration and the previous results. If I really want to understand, I need to see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Looking at something as another sees it can be illuminating. Concentrating on another person’s skills and abilities and what they do well, can make a big difference. Trying to figure out what is stopping that person from being successful is helpful. And then taking the next step to figure out a way to help them succeed. Often it’s just little adjustments. Like switching sides of the paper when cutting.

Viewing something from another person’s perspective often helps me understand better, be less judgmental and more compassionate. When I do that I become a better parent, teacher, spouse and friend. When I step aside from a right-handed perspective to see through a left-handed view, I don’t have to wonder why someone didn’t measure up. That’s because the jagged edges and uneven cuts usually go away.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng

 

A Terrible Hair Cut And What I Learned

Many years ago I had some one new cut my hair and she cut it very short, a lot shorter than what I wanted.  I was embarrassed it was so short, was sure I looked idiotic and no longer feminine, and drove home crying.  When I got home I immediately called my husband at work (this was before cell phones).  As soon as he got on the phone I started crying and through long pauses, in which I tried to control my crying, I could barely get the words out that my hair was ruined by being cut too short. His response?  He started laughing.  It turned out he was sure that one of the kids had been hit by a car or something equally terrible and he was so relieved that it was just my hair that he started laughing.  This didn’t go over too well because I was very upset about my hair and he was laughing!  A few weeks later my hair grew out, life looked better and I began to learn about perspective.  I began to learn about what is truly important and what seems important at the time but is really unimportant in the scheme of things, like my terrible hair cut.  I have learned there are few truly important things worth getting upset over and they were usually things that really would affect my life, and often had great impact on me.  It seems that most of the things I would get upset about when I was younger actually fell in the truly unimportant area.  Things that seemed important like a messy house when someone came over unexpectedly, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or my kids not excelling in ways I thought they should, and a whole host of other silly things.  When these kind of things happened I would sometimes stew about them for days feeling very inept.  I basically beat myself up for not being perfect, but ironically, not perfect in unimportant things.  Over time I had experiences that taught me about life and I was able to better judge what was worth getting upset over.  I learned to ask myself “will this matter in 2 years, or even 2 weeks” and the number of years varied based on what was happening.  Usually the answer was not just “no” but it was an emphatic “no.”  Most of the things that I worried about were unimportant.  This little question helped me to learn perspective and to save my energy for the important things that happen, because the important things of life usually take a lot of energy.  Now when my hair is cut too short I am able to be philosophical about it because I know it will grow out and really, in the scheme of things, a terrible hair cut is something to laugh about.

 

 

 

Rose Bushes and Ziplock Bags

There is a quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln that I particularly like: “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”  It reminds me that life is how you look at it and perspective can make all of the difference.  When my husband and I had been married only a few years and money was very tight and I would wash and reuse ziplock bags over and over again.  I hated washing them and having them out to dry and I looked forward to the day when I could afford to buy ziplock bags and just throw them away after I had used them.  Fast forward several years and the day did come when I could just toss them after using them, but then recycling became fashionable and I found myself washing bags and reusing them so I could be ecologically minded and help save the planet.  Funny thing is I didn’t mind washing and reusing them then, in fact I even felt good about myself and my effort to be a conservationist.  Nothing had changed but my attitude and in reflecting upon this I have wondered how many other situations I could have improved by changing my attitude. There are many things I have little control over but I always have control over my attitude and perspective.