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Browsing Tag: perfect

Faith,Lessons Learned

A Brownie Point Mentality

posted on : June 10, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Sometimes I have the attitude that the only way I’m going to make it to heaven is through Brownie Points. I look at my short comings and weaknesses and the same mistakes I keep making over and over and almost feel there is no hope. If I do something good I tell myself that it’s a Brownie Point, a positive on the great balance sheet in the sky. Sometimes I think Brownie Points will be the only way I get there. Basically, I have in the back of my mind the attitude that I can buy my way in. Of course when I say it like that I know it sounds ridiculous because it is ridiculous. Logically I know I can’t buy my way into heaven. I can never do enough good, accumulate enough points, grit my teeth in sheer determination enough. No matter how hard I try I can never buy my way in.

But, in reality I don’t have to. That is the beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He has already bought my way into heaven. Through the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ my entrance fee has already been paid. What I have to do is accept the gift to heaven that He is offering me. I accept that gift by making and keeping sacred covenants with Him and repenting. There is beauty in making covenants and great power in keeping them. When I keep my covenants foremost in my mind and thoughts I spend my time differently. I choose my words and thoughts with greater care. I am more present in my prayers. I seek Him in my life more fully and I realize I don’t have to be perfect in order to accept His gift of heaven.

I recently read an article in the Ensign (June 2019, p 30) about being perfect in Christ. It listed out several things that God expects of us. Things like denying ourselves of all ungodliness, loving and serving God. Repenting with faith, doing our best to keep the commandments and covenants we’ve made and continuing on in life in patience. The list I really related to was what God doesn’t expect of us. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect now or to never make a mistake. He doesn’t want us to be burdened by an attitude of perfectionism or to be self critical for lack of progress. He doesn’t want us to be constantly busy with all work and no play. The last one was what hit home with me. He doesn’t want us to try to earn our way into heaven. In other words, He doesn’t want us to have a Brownie Point Mentality.

One of the problems with a Brownie Point Mentality is that, in some ways, it denies the power of Christ to save and change us. It implies that we have to do it on our own. It creates a barrier between our Savior and ourselves. We miss out on the concept of coming to Christ through repentance and using His strength and help to change. We completely miss the boat on understanding God’s expectations for us.

One of the blessings of having a daughter with Down syndrome is that I need to simplify gospel teachings and principles for her. The other day she asked me what repentance meant, even though I have explained it many times to her before. I said, “Repentance means you stop doing what’s wrong, tell Heavenly Father you’re sorry, and start doing what’s right.” When I really thought about it, it’s really is that simple. That really is what repentance is. Of course there are some serious matters that need to be worked out with a Bishop. Most often though, it’s just a recognition that we want to do something a little better. Sometimes it’s something we want to start doing or something we want to stop doing. Often it’s just allowing ourselves to be imperfect but recognizing we are a little better than we were last week. Usually it’s just to keep on trying to become better through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. One thing it’s definitely not though is a Brownie Point Mentality.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/be-ye-therefore-perfect-eventually?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/perfection-pending?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2014/07/young-adults/becoming-perfect-in-christ.p1?lang=eng

 

Lessons Learned

Fainting While Giving a Talk is Never a Good Idea

posted on : September 6, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have always worked hard to give good talks.  Even when I was a teenager I tried to give talks worth listening to.  People would tell me “when we see your name on the program we know it’s going to be a good meeting.”  Now, I know these people meant this as a compliment but what it really did was put pressure on me to give a perfect talk.  Each talk I gave had to be better than the previous one because I didn’t want to let anyone down.  So, I usually spent many hours researching the topic, memorized my talks and worked on the delivery.  It got so bad that I developed anxiety about speaking, thinking my talk had to be perfect.  I was sure people were listening to every word to judge me, deciding if I was competent or not.  When I was in college while I was speaking in a church meeting the pressure to perform became so great that I fainted in the middle of the talk-right there on the stand, flat-out fainted.  I got back up to finish the talk but started getting light-headed again so the bishop told me to not worry about finishing it. Fortunately I wasn’t asked to speak again in that ward!  But a few years later while I was speaking in another ward the same thing happened.  Because I had memorized the talk I kept on talking while getting light-headed hoping it would pass but all that passed was me-right there on the stand again.  This time I got up and made a joke about fainting and was able to continue with the talk.  After fainting twice while giving talks I really became anxious about speaking in pubic and this carried over to teaching lessons and even saying prayers in Sacrament Meeting.  I was so worried about doing these things perfectly but ironically when others gave talks if they didn’t word everything perfectly I didn’t think they were incompetent or lazy or foolish.  Usually I just enjoyed their talks and never thought they had to be perfect.  And so I prayed and hoped I wouldn’t be asked to give a talk or prayer.

Several years later I was asked to give the opening prayer in Sacrament Meeting and I was petrified-I didn’t want to mess up or faint.  As I stood at the pulpit and looked out at the audience the thought came to me “these people are all your friends and they would never wish you any harm” and then a complete peace settled on me.  I have no idea what I said in that prayer but I believe that because I was willing to do the prayer even though I was terrified, the Lord blessed me with this wonderful, peaceful experience.  This experience was life changing for me and just like the anxiety carried over from talks to lessons and prayers, this experience also carried over to those other areas.  The peace I felt  was amazing, so much so that now when I speak in a meeting I feel the peaceful reassurance that these people are my friends and wishing the best for me. I still work really hard to give good talks or lessons but now I am no longer worried about having to be perfect at it, in fact there’s been a couple of times I have actually enjoyed speaking.

Life,Parenting

It Doesn’t Matter

posted on : January 17, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

When I was a young mother I wanted to be a perfect parent, or at least appear to be perfect with perfect kids. I was often exacting and demanding thinking that their lives reflected on me as a parent.  I dressed my kids well and on Sundays at church they had to have on clean, cute shoes with matching socks and of course hair accessories that matched their clothing.  When something didn’t go exactly how I wanted it to my mother-in-law would say “it doesn’t matter” and I would think “IT DOES TOO MATTER!”  As time went on I battled my kids over these and other unimportant, silly things and caused a lot of disharmony and strife in our home, and I eventually learned that my mother-in-law was right, it didn’t matter.  As teens some of my kids would wear mismatched socks and I learned to think “at least they have socks on” and then my youngest got a little older and she won’t wear socks at all.  I learned again to think “well, at least she has shoes on.”  Most of the things I stressed about with my children were unimportant and trivial while I often missed the big picture, that they were caring, good people who loved each other and wanted to make the world a better place.  As an older parent I realize there is no such thing as a perfect parent and if there was, certainly the standard wouldn’t be measured by shoes and socks.

Husband

Marriage

posted on : December 21, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 3 Comments

I recently had a conversation with one of my sons-in-law.  He was telling me that he wished my daughter, his wife, was a little more conscious of household duties like doing the dishes and laundry.  He works full-time and she’s a stay-at-home mom with two kids.  She’d rather make great meals (she loves to cook), read and play with the kids (they don’t have TV), sew fun things and volunteer at her son’s school.  She agrees with him that she should be a little more aware of household duties and recognizes that households run smoother when orderly.  This was a great opportunity for me to talk about the concept that no matter who you’re married to there will be things you don’t like about them and you can focus on those things or rejoice in the things they do well.  For example, my husband is man of many talents and great virtues but he is very messy in his work areas and our bedroom, and he’s usually not really present when I’m talking to him but he is honest, kind and thoughtful. I never have to wonder if he’s telling me the truth or not.  He calls me during the day just to say hi and I know he loves to spend time with me. I know he would give me his last bite of food if we were in a dreadful situation and he would go without eating.  He’s loyal through and through. He fixes things in the house quickly and if I want to change something like flooring or paint he usually cheerfully does it.  He actually makes goals to improve himself and works on them and I love and adore this man.  I can focus on the wonderful things about him or I can get upset that his socks are on the floor again.  In some ways, when I focus on the socks on the floor it’s like saying I expect him to be perfect, that I’m not allowing him to be human.  Yes, he probably should pick up his own socks and put them in the hamper but I recognize that all of the good about him far out weighs the bad and when I focus on the bad neither of us is happy in our marriage (unfortunately I know this from experience).  The amazing thing is I never hear him complain about me, and there is plenty to complain about. He doesn’t tell me what I do wrong or what I need to change about myself.  He loves me as I am, which is paradoxical in some ways because since he never criticizes me or points out things that I do that are not great, it makes me want to improve myself and to be even better than the person he thinks I am.