this is a page for

Browsing Tag: motherhood

Imperfect Mothers and Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is almost here again. There are lots of different ways that people celebrate Mother’s Day. It is also a day that often evokes a lot of emotions as we think about our mothers, and also think about the hard work and sacrifices that raising children involves.

We often hear sermons in church meetings about those sacrifices and about the virtues of motherhood. And while motherhood truly is a divine calling, sometimes it is presented in an idealized version, and it’s hard for some women to feel like they measure up. Some may leave the meeting feeling a little sad or like a failure. I know in the past I have struggled with some of these feelings. Sometimes after these kind of talks I felt like I just needed to work harder, or listen better or even teach better. Of course I always needed more patience, and my lacking seemed so apparent.

Sometimes in the middle something it is hard to have perspective. Looking back I realize I did the best I could at the time. That involved good things and sometimes, not so good things.  Generally I am at peace about my mothering efforts.

So my goal here is not to paint a picture of a perfect mother because really, there is no such thing. I also don’t want to dwell on negative things. I do want to tell you about two women from the bible from whom I have learned some things.

The first one is Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. I have always wondered how Christ knew who He was, even as a child. How did He know that He was the Savior of the World, The Only Begotten Son of our Heavenly Father? I pondered that for quite a while when one day it occurred to me that He would have learned it from his mother. She would have told Him of her experience with the angel and of His heavenly origins. It was she who taught Him who He was. Mary inspires me, and from her I have learned the importance of teaching my children who they are and what they are to become.

Another woman from the scriptures that I admire is Eve. I think about her bearing children without a mother or another woman there to help her. How lonely and hard it must have been to not have had another woman to talk things over with and to learn from. She had no precedence-no guide books to baby care, no how-to-survive a teenager manual and no one to guide her on parenting. It really was a learn-as-you-go situation. It was just Adam and Eve working as a team and trying to figure it out together. From Eve I learn that I can keep on mothering even when I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and trying to figure it out. I also learn the importance of working as a full partnership with my husband.

There are other things I have learned from these two women, as well as other women in the scriptures. I don’t think either of these two women were perfect, even though they were both really good women. Since there is no such thing as a perfect mother, they obviously weren’t that either. From Mary, Eve and also the many good women in my life, I have learned is that you don’t have to be perfect to be a good mother. There are many ways to be a good mom and I bet you’re doing better than you think.

 

 

 

 

Be The Good

Many years ago my husband was in the bishopric of a singles ward.  The Relief Society leaders asked the wives of the bishopric to speak to them on specific topics addressing marriage and motherhood and I was assigned “Preparing for Motherhood.” This was such a vast topic and I pondered it for quite a while unsure of the direction to take, but as I thought about it the concept of ‘be what you want your children to be’ came to me.  I had them write down 5 quality traits they wanted their children to have and then talked to them about the best way to develop those traits in their children is to develop them in themselves and then of course, model that trait. So, If you want your children to be honest then you need to be honest.  If you want them to be hard workers then you need to be a hard worker.  Since children learn by example the best way to prepare for motherhood is to work on developing qualities that you want your children to have, you become what you want your children to become.  In some small way this reminds me of the quote by Gandhi “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi was a great man of vision who understood that we can’t change anyone but ourselves, and that by changing ourselves we influence those around us and thus change the world. So in other words, if you want the world to be kind, be kind.  If you want the world to be fair and just, then be fair and just.  Whenever I see someone who is a good person doing good things it inspires me to want to be better and do better.  Their example gives me hope for the world.  Another thing I like about the quote by Gandhi is the connotation to quit complaining and do something about the problems we see around us.  It’s definitely easier to complain than to work to change the things we see around us by volunteering, donating and speaking up and the many other ways there are to make the world a better place.  And of course, the efforts of a parent in the home do much to make the world a better place which leads me back to my original thought-improving myself does much to improve the world (now if I could just narrow down my vast list of areas to improve in so I knew where to start…).