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Faith

A Little Bit of Martha and A Little Bit of Mary

posted on : November 1, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Lately I have been thinking about one of my favorite scripture stories. It is the story of Martha and Mary found in Luke 10:38-42. It’s really only a few verses but it’s a story that teaches much. The story starts with Martha receiving Christ into her home. She is busy getting food and her home ready to receive such a beloved guest. Her sister Mary is sitting at the feet of the Savior. It’s interesting to read,”Mary, which also sat at Jesus feet,” because it implies that Martha often is found there too. But this day, each is showing love in her own, but different way. Martha is fussing about making sure everything is perfect and Mary is spending time with Christ.

Then Martha asks Christ to intervene. She is unhappy that she is doing all the work while Mary gets to relax and just enjoy visiting, and she wants Christ to do something about it. Christ’s answer to her reflects several things. He recognizes Martha’s hard work and careful manner and thus He accepts her devoted service to Him.  He also tells her that how Mary is serving Him is good: “But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Mary’s devotion and display of love are clearly accepted by Christ.

For years it seemed to me that Christ was saying Mary’s way of showing love was better. I read it as Mary had chosen the better part, better than Martha. Then one day I noticed it said she had chosen the good part, not the better part. It didn’t say that Mary’s way was better. There was no comparison happening. Both ways were acceptable. Both ways were good. They were just different.

The problem was when Martha wanted Christ to tell Mary to help her. It was as if she was saying her way was better, she was judging. She didn’t recognize Mary’s efforts at demonstrating her love for Christ. Another problem was that she didn’t address Mary directly. So, not only was she judging, she also wasn’t taking responsibility for the herself or the situation. She was wanting someone else to solve the problem when she was quite capable of doing it. There are so many subtle elements to this story, and so many things I relate to.

I think one of the reasons I like this story is because I am sometimes Martha and sometimes Mary. When I’m Martha I’m often fussing around trying to make sure everything is perfect, usually with good intentions. I am showing my love through my food and service.  But sometimes I’m also thinking my way of doing something is better. Unfortunately, sometimes I judge others and their ways as inferior. It’s subtle and I don’t always recognize that’s what I’m doing, but it is what I am doing when I criticize someone else’s efforts, even if it’s just in my thoughts.

I can be Martha when I think my way of studying the scriptures is better, or how I discipline my children, or how I fulfill my calling. Any time I think my way of doing something is better than someone else I am being Martha. Sometimes I don’t want to deal with problems and I hope someone will fix things for me even though I’m quite capable of it. Just wave a magic wand so I can have my way.

In some ways I’m not painting a very pretty picture of Martha, which would not be accurate. This is only one side of her and the scriptures show her to be a faithful disciple. She was devoted to Christ, a woman of great faith. Martha wasn’t perfect but followed her Savior with complete trust. She was a worker and served others, and we need people like that. Where would we be without the doers of the world?

Sometimes though, I am also Mary, and my priorities are people I love. I concentrate on what’s important and try to keep it simple. My focus is on the Savior and I make Him my priority. I try harder to live with purpose and intention. But dinner does need to be fixed, and laundry done and children need to be tended. People need to show up at their jobs and lawns need to be mowed. As nice as it might be, I cannot spend all of my time studying the scriptures or reading conference talks.

Perhaps I am painting another inaccurate picture. The scriptures show Mary to be just as devoted to her Savior as Martha was, and undoubtedly she was a worker too. It seems Martha was used to Mary working alongside her in the kitchen and was upset when she wasn’t helping. Mary’s way of showing love and devotion was just different from Martha’s, each good and acceptable.

Ideally I would be a little bit of Martha and a little bit of Mary, or maybe Martha in some circumstances and Mary in others. Perhaps that is one of the lessons from this story. For me to serve and show love in my way and also let others do the same without judging. To recognize that Christ doesn’t compare me with anyone else. For me to also be just as devoted to my Savior as these two women were.

 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1987/01/mary-and-martha-faithful-sisters-devoted-disciples?lang=eng

 

Lessons Learned

Love is the Basis for Kindness

posted on : September 11, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I have a daughter who has many wonderful qualities. She’s kind, the first to volunteer to help others with their projects and she’s very thoughtful. She’s faithful to her covenants and works hard being a better disciple of Christ. On the other hand she’s not super organized or tidy. I have told her that being organized and tidy will make life go smoother and help her family run better, but it won’t get her into heaven. But kindness will, and she is one of the kindest people I know.

Kindness just makes life more enjoyable. It makes hard times better. It smooths over faults and leaves the recipient and giver both blessed. Kindness costs nothing but gives much. Simple acts of soft words returned for harsh, or even just ignoring meanness, creates peace and love. When I see people go out of their ways to be kind, it always touch me. Kindness warms peoples hearts and their lives.

My daughter often reaches out to others with her art, with kind words, or with friendship. She is simple in her acts of kindness. Once when she was a teenager we were at a restaurant. A child from another table came over and started talking to her. Eventually the child pulled a chair up to our table and the waitress brought his food to him and he ate with my daughter (his parents were at the neighboring table and gave permission). Mostly she just chatted with him but she was kind and he wanted to be with her. Children have always been drawn to her. I told her once that they must sense her inner goodness. She is a kind person and people are can see it in her face. Jesus Christ also reached out to others in kindness.

Joseph B. Wirthlin, who was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke on kindness in General Conference, in April 2005. He said,”Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others.” So often this is hard, especially when someone has been unkind to us. It is tempting to return harsh words for harsh words. It is difficult to be kind when someone has hurt us. And yet, Christ did it. He returned kindness for malice and hatred. He spent His life being kind.

“Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many. He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner…Yet His greatest act of kindness was found in His atoning sacrifice, thus freeing all from the effects of death, and all from the effects of sin, on conditions of repentance,” said Elder Wirthlin. To be truly Christlike we need to be kind.

Elder Wirthlin continued:

“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?” Love them.

“If they are obnoxious?” Love them.

“But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?” Love them.

“Wayward?” The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.”

I love these thoughts from Elder Wirthlin. Love is the basis of kindness. Christ loved others and He was kind. Our great task then, if we are to be disciples of Jesus Christ, would be to learn to love others and to develop kindness. It’s funny to me how love is the basis for every good thing, which is probably why loving our neighbor is the second great commandment.

There’s a short little poem I like by an anonymous author: “I have wept in the night, for shortness of sight, that to somebody’s needs made me blind; But I never have yet, felt a tinge of regret, for being a little too kind.” I have met many kind people who inspire me to be better, who help me want to be more kind. My daughter is one of them. She recently texted me synonyms for my name and told me that’s how she feels about me, and told me she love me. Such a simple thing to do. Such a kind thing to do. Her kindness warms my heart and life.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2005/04/the-virtue-of-kindness?lang=eng

 

Down syndrome,Lessons Learned

See The Good In The World

posted on : April 6, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have written before about an organization called Orange Socks. Their mission is to teach people about the joys of raising a child with disabilities. Most people hear about or assume the difficulties and Orange Socks wants people to know there are good times as well as hard times. Their tag line is “inspiring life despite a diagnosis.” Orange Socks interviews families who have a child with disabilities and posts the interviews on their website as well as doing podcasts. They want people who are facing a diagnosis to hear from people who actually have a child with that disability. It helps to learn from those who have gone before us, to learn from them the realities of raising that child, of the good and the hard.

The reason why I am writing about this again is thatI have been privileged to go to several of the interviews. I was touched by the fierce love and advocacy the parents all have for their child and in some cases, children. I was impressed that these parents spoke mostly of the joys and happiness their child has brought to their family. When asked about the difficulties every parent said it was worth it, that they got far more back than they ever gave. I was amazed that in every interview I went to, except for one, the parents all spoke about how they relied on prayer to help them with their challenges. They spoke of receiving inspiration to help guide them as they cared for their child. The interviews have taken place all over the country, with people from many different religions. It really surprised me that so many people talked about praying. It surprised me that so many talked about relying on God to help them. It gave me hope to know of so many good people in the world. Sometimes it is easy to focus on the distressing things we hear about going on in the world. The media seems to blast daily sometimes even hourly the bad things that occur. It’s easy to think that most people are unkind and hurtful from watching the news.

There was another thing that happened also has given me hope. Several years ago I attended a 3 week program in Minnesota that focused on how to live with chronic pain. Every morning we had to set goals for the day, which were written on a white board in the classroom. One day, another woman in the program said her goal for the day was to express more gratitude in her prayers. That one comment is probably the thing I remember most from attending the chronic pain program. It told me that way over in Minnesota, there was a woman who believed in praying, who believed in God and in acting on that belief. It showed me that there are good people all over the country and world. Sometimes it seems like there is so much bad, and hurtful and horrific things that are happening. When I reflect on the parents interviewed and the woman from the program, I remember that there are good people in the world. Good people who believe in praying and believe in God. Who believe in helping others and giving service to their children. Even with the media bombarding us about all of the bad happening I know there is much good in the world. We live in scary times, but we also live in good and hopeful times. Take time to look for the good and you will find it!

Husband

Happy Anniversary

posted on : April 1, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

My husband and I just celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary. When we married I had a lot of hopes, dreams and expectations. Some of them were even realistic! Since I grew up with a single parent I remember wondering what married couples talk about, especially in the evenings. I didn’t really know what it was like to have a man around all of the time, so I had some apprehension about how marriage would be. But I married him with stars in my eyes and love in my heart. Our marriage has been good but in some ways it turns out I married a stranger. Oh, I knew he was a good man and we had similar values. He treated his parents and me with love and respect. He loved our Savior, Jesus Christ and living gospel principles was important to him. We had fun together and I loved being with him. He also wanted to have children and I loved him dearly and so we began our lives together. But, there have been many things about him that have surprised me. When we married he was working as a school psychologist and kept school hours. He was home by 4:00, even though I didn’t get off work until 5:00. He was usually busy working at other things while I was still at work. I tease him that I married a mild mannered school psychologist who turned out to be an entrepreneur. The signs were there that he was entrepreneurial but I just didn’t see them. At the time besides being a school psychologist he was teaching community education classes, writing a column for a newspaper, doing hypnosis to help people quit smoking as well as doing a home business of upholstery. Of course now I look back and realize all of the signs were there. Actually being a hard worker is a good thing, I was just pleasantly surprised by it.

When we had been married about 5 months he was offered a job as a program planner with a developmental center for people with intellectual disabilities. He took the job and so began our venture into the world of developmental disabilities, a cause he has become passionate about. Since that time he has started a nonprofit organization that supplies services and staff to help people with developmental disabilities be successful in their lives. Through his hard work the company has expanded to several states and to several thousand employees. I have told him that he is recreationally impaired because he would rather work than play. There was one time I even told him I would never go on another vacation with him because all he mostly did was work while the kids and I played. It was not a fun trip!

It’s not just his work ethic that has surprised me. Even though he has traveled much during the years for business, he usually made time for our family. Our children respect and love him dearly and know him to be a man of integrity. They know he will do all in his power to help them in their lives, and that his love for them doesn’t change based on what they do or don’t do. I know he prays for our children daily often takes the long view with them. Because of that our children call him almost daily just to say hello and talk about their day or to ask for his advice. Of course he has regrets as a parent about being away so much and about missing many occasions but we all have things we would do differently as parents. I think that even if he hadn’t traveled so much he would still have regrets because parents are just imperfect people. But I believe he really tried to be a good dad. He told me once that he kept growing the company because the bigger it got the more financially stable we were. We have 8 children and families cost money and he took his role as the provider seriously. I think love for his family and his passion for those with developmental disabilities fueled his work ethic. It was hard having him gone so much but I knew he wasn’t playing but working hard for us. I really didn’t know when we married what kind of dad he would be but I have been grateful that he is the dad of my children.

As he was and is a good father he is also a good husband. He frequently puts my wants and needs before his own. It’s the little things like letting me choose the restaurant when we eat out or deciding what to do on our dates. He will send me a text to “buy it” when he knows I’m shopping because he knows I’m cheap sometimes. I love how he holds my hand when we’re walking along somewhere together. He peels an orange and offers me half of it. Anything I bring home he will assemble because he knows it gives me anxiety to even think about putting something together. He supports me in my church callings and by his examples encourages me to do and be better. He values my happiness and will work to solve problems we have and not just dismiss what I want. I never have to wonder if he’s telling me the truth. He tells me frequently that he loves me. Did I know that he would be this way when I married him? Definitely not! But of course I hoped so. So really I married a stranger in some ways, and I got lucky because he is even better than I thought. I now know what couples talk about in the evenings, and what it’s like to have a man around all of the time. I’m glad he’s that man. He is a good person, dad and husband and I hope we are lucky enough to have another 34 years together. Happy Anniversary my Love!

Family,Lessons Learned

Work vs Family Fun

posted on : March 8, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When my children were young there was always so much to do. I would wake up early to get kids ready for school or church, often after having been up several times during the night feeding a baby. I would work hard all day and late into the evening. There were always meals to fix, laundry to do and a house to clean. There was homework to supervise, children to bathe, as well as shopping to be done and music lessons to get kids to. During the spring and summer there was yard work and gardens to tend. During the fall there was canning and dehydrating fruit. I volunteered in the schools and there was church work to be done. I was always busy, busy, busy. Somehow I was self driven to try to do everything in my mind I thought I was supposed to do. Even when I was really tired it didn’t really occur to me that I didn’t have to do so much. I was a worker and work was what I did.

One day a few years ago I was talking with one of my daughters who told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to have children. She said it just seemed like a lot of work without any fun. She had watched me during the years and had seen all the work I did without really taking a lot of time for fun, and it seemed like drudgery to her. After talking with her for a while, I reassured her that she could make motherhood as fun as she wanted. This conversation left me feeling a little sad though. I felt sad that I had subtly conveyed the message that motherhood was all work and very little fun. I also started wondering about how much work is really needed to make a home run smoothly and how much is too much. Did I really need to do so much? I did do a lot of fun things with my kids. We had craft time, went to the pool and park several times a week during the summer and went to the movies often. We had halloween parties and celebrated birthdays with family parties and played board games. I read books with my children and we went to petting zoos and aviaries. But, even theses fun things were a lot of work because we often had not only my kids but half the neighborhood joining in. There were so many little fingers into the projects we did and getting anywhere with my crew took so much energy and work. I viewed having fun as work! And I was usually thinking ahead what needed to be done instead of being present and enjoying my family.

Now that my children are grown and gone I look at things a little differently. Perhaps I have learned to relax a little over the years. Maybe I see how fast the time has gone. Perhaps I have come to realize that work is important but that relationships need to be nurtured by doing enjoyable things together. Families do take a lot of work, even to have fun. But, having fun together is just as important as working together. Being together just for the pleasure of it without thinking about what still needs to be done. The kind of together that says I love you and I want to spend time with you. The kind of fun that says you are important to me. So, if I had another magic wand…

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&_r=1&old=true

Faith,Life

The Reasons We Change

posted on : February 8, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

When I was 16 I started watching a soap opera called All My Children. It was really popular at my school and it was fun to be able to talk about it with my friends. It wasn’t long before I was really involved in the story line and the “lives” of the characters in the show. When I went away to college I scheduled my classes when it was possible so I could watch the show. There were TVs set up in the student center and several of us would gather and watch it almost daily. After I graduated and had a job I would usually go home for lunch and watch the show and I was glad the timing of the show fit in with my lunch schedule. I was heavily involved with the show even though in the back of my mind I knew some of the show’s content was inappropriate. I rationalized that some of the bedroom scenes were okay to watch because I really knew what was right and I would never do those things so it really didn’t matter. Sometimes I just didn’t think about it at all because I didn’t want to. Unfortunately it was really easy to fool myself into watching a show I knew was wrong.

After my first baby was born I was a stay at home mom so it was really easy to schedule my day around the show. When my daughter was about 8 months old I was watching the show one day when I had the thought come to me, “Do you really want that show in the background while she’s growing up.” I thought, “No, I don’t!” and I turned it off and never watched it again. What’s really interesting to me is that a show I had been heavily involved in and had watched for 14 years was suddenly unimportant to me when compared with my daughter and her welfare. I’m sure I had been prompted before to quit watching the show but had ignored the warnings. I have found in my life that often it takes the right motivation for me to make changes. In this case it was love for my daughter which was greater than a TV show.

I once read there are 3 main reasons for doing just about anything. The first is the fear of not doing it, of getting punished if we don’t do it. For example, getting bad grades because we didn’t do our homework, or disappointing people we care about. Gospel analogy would be loss of the Spirit, having people think badly of us or eventually going to Hell. The second would be for the reward we get for doing it. Keeping with the same example would be getting good grades, or getting a pay raise or promotion at work. It could also be receiving awards or public recognition. Gospel analogy would be for receiving blessings, having the Spirit with us, or feeling good about ourselves. Sometimes it is receiving the praise of others or being known as a good person. The last reason we do things is just for love of it. For me that was the case of loving my daughter more than the show. Sometimes people exercise just because they love it or go to work because they love what they do and the pay is secondary. People often quit smoking or start healthy habits because they love someone. In gospel terms it would be because we love God. We don’t keep the commandments out of fear or hope of reward but because we love God. This is obviously the higher law or reason but too often not why I do something. In the scriptures we are told to love God with “all of our hearts, might, mind and strength.” Usually the word heart is listed first because when we love God with all of our hearts everything else falls into place, our motivations are pure. As I try to love God with my whole heart and try to do things for the right reason my focus becomes clearer and I fear less. I am less worried about what others think. It seems like it should be something so easy to do. Yet it is so hard for me to do things for the right reason. Doing something because I love God and not because of the reward I get is something I am working on. This involves changing my heart and focus, and for me it will be the quest of a life time.

https://www.mormonchannel.org/blog/post/3-ways-to-develop-genuine-love-for-god

Husband

Love and Two Dust Pans

posted on : December 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

This is going to seem like a funny thing to write about, but recently my husband came home with two metal dust pans that are extra wide.  I had been complaining that my nice, metal dust pan had disappeared and the one I was using was cracked and floppy.  With a lot of people going through my house I sweep a lot.  Every time I pulled out my broom and floppy dust pan I grumbled inwardly because my really good, nice dust pan was gone. Every time I swept leaves off our driveway I grumbled because my nice, metal dust pan was gone. I had searched for it but couldn’t find it anywhere, and I had really tried to find it too.  I looked for a new one at a few stores but the metal ones are only available at a hardware store, and I hadn’t been to one yet.  So when he walked into the house and presented me with the dust pans, one for the house and one for the garage, I was super excited.  Even though there was not a jewel in sight, this was one of the nicest gifts he’s ever given me.  This was a very thoughtful gift because in some ways it wasn’t really about the dust pans.  The real gift he gave me was that he listened to me and heard what I was saying.  Then he did something about it.  He went out of his way to buy them and then bought not one but two.  So every time I sweep my floors or my driveway I think of his thoughtfulness and love and I feel warm inside. Every time I see them hanging on their hooks I think of him and feel a deeper love.  So in some ways he really gave me two gifts, the dust pans and listening to me.  The funny thing is that listening to me didn’t cost anything and he didn’t have to go out of his way to do it.  Listening to me only took a few moments of his time.  Listening to me was a simple act of love and the best gift of all!

Children,Lessons Learned

Another Magic Wand

posted on : September 10, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Years ago, when one of my daughters was about 10, she was having some problems.  She was mouthy, argumentative and hostile.  It seemed like most of our interactions ended up in tears, sometimes her and sometimes mine. She decided she wanted to go to a therapist to work on some personal issues, which I thought was a great idea.  After several visits the therapist told me that she was a great kid but that she just needed more of my time.  I was shocked because I thought I gave her a lot of my time and I dismissed what he said as irrelevant.  It wasn’t until years later that I finally understood what it was that he was trying to tell me.  Most of the interactions I had with her centered on things like telling her to do her jobs, asking her for help with other kids, telling her to hurry up or slow down, and telling her things to not do or to get done.  Yes, I was spending time with her but it wasn’t the one-on-one individual time she needed.  It wasn’t the kind of time that said I love you and enjoy your company and want to be with you.  It wasn’t the kind of time where I go to know her heart, her hopes and fears, it wasn’t quality time.  Fortunately, this daughter has grown up to be an amazing person in spite of my ignorance.  She finds time for each of her children despite working full-time, probably because she recognizes the importance of it.  She is the kind of mother I wish I had been better at. So, if I had another magic wand to undo some things I would leave my house a little messier,  I would fix simpler meals and I would find ways to spend time individually with her and with each of my kids. I would get to know a little better what is important to each of them, get to know their hearts a little better.  Hopefully they would each know that I loved them and enjoyed their company and wanted to spend time with them.

Husband,Parenting

Dads I Have Known

posted on : June 14, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My mother and father divorced when I was about 3 and I never saw my father again except once, and even then I didn’t know who he was at the time.  I was about 13 and visiting my grandmother and as I was walking up the path to her house a man was coming out of her front door.  He passed by me without looking at me or saying anything and I barely paid attention to him.  When I entered my grandmother’s trailer she said “that was your father” and I remember thinking that if I had known that I would have paid more attention to him.  I’m not sure why he wasn’t a part of my life but my mother once said that she and my stepfather told my father that he didn’t have to pay child support if he never contacted me or my brother again, and since he didn’t contact us again he obviously thought that was a good deal.  My mother had married again to a man I called dad and he’s the only dad I remember.  While he was not the best husband or dad, I did learn from him to treat all children as equal.  He never distinguished between my brother and me and the children he had with my mother.  He and my mother divorced when I was about 10 and sometimes was involved in our lives.  My dad had married again and his new wife once apologized to us for keeping my dad from being involved in our lives.  She said she found reasons to keep him from visiting us and eventually realized that was wrong.  I say all of this as a way of stating I didn’t have good dads.  When I married a really good man I was lucky and also got a really good father-in-law.  He was a kind, tender-hearted man who called me daughter, not daughter-in-law.  He brought me produce from his garden and orchard, and after he went fishing he would call us to come for a fish dinner with fresh corn and tomatoes from his garden.  Once when I visited him in the hospital he teared up when I came into the room and told me he loved me and kept saying how glad he was that I came to visit him.  I felt like he loved me.  He was such a kind man, and I once told him he was the best dad I ever had and he couldn’t believe I said that.  He kept saying “really?, really?”  My husband remembers being quite young and his dad building a tent out of a blanket and reading Bambi to him under the blanket with a flashlight, one of his sweet memories of his father.  Family meant everything to my father-in-law!  From this good man I learned that dads can be involved in their children’s lives and what a difference it makes to welcome and love those your children marry.  I also learned that there are good, honorable fathers in the world who love their children and spend time with them.  My husband has followed in the footsteps of his father and he is a good dad who loves our children.  He has worked hard to provide them the necessities of life, and to set a good example of service, kindness, hard work, faith, generosity and love.  Our children know they can talk with their dad about anything and he won’t scold them but listen and offer good advice when asked for.  They know him to be man of integrity who would do anything he can to help them.  I have learned from him to patiently listen, to act and not react, to focus on the good our children are doing and to always take the long view and hope for the best.  In many ways I am fortunate not to have had good dads while I was growing up because I now recognize what a good dad is from the contrast.  I have told my children many times that they are fortunate to have such a good dad!  Sometimes my husband wonders about things he could have or should have done with our children.  I see the many good things he did do and his goodness as a father is reflected in the lives of our children who are good people doing good things.  Being a good dad is giving of your time, self and life to your children.  How blessed I am to know good dads and to have them in my life!

Husband,Lessons Learned

Romance

posted on : January 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Years ago, when my husband and I had only been married for a few years, I told him that he was the most unromantic person I knew.  He didn’t bring me flowers or want to go dancing, we didn’t do quiet dinners in romantic places and there was no candle light to be seen anywhere in our home.  I think I hurt his feelings with this announcement because he still remembers it and talks about occasionally.  It took me a while but then I noticed that he would call me during the day just to say hi, and this was before cell phones. Sometimes when it was cold at night he would get into bed and lay on my side to warm it up so I wouldn’t have to get into a cold bed.  Often he would ask me to run errands with him just so we could spend a little time together and he always remembered that I like the soup spoon instead of the teaspoon to eat with and made sure that’s what I got when he set the table.  One day it dawned on me that I had bought into how the world defined romance with flowers, candlelight and dancing and that real romance was something much deeper.  It was the simple, sweet expression of love in little ways that he showed for me that was there all along and I hadn’t noticed it.  Turns out he’s the most romantic person I know!