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Life

Every Day Sayings and Expressions

posted on : May 22, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I grew up hearing a lot of  expressions that I don’t hear much any more. Things like “were you born in a barn?” if I left the door open. “You make a better door that you do a window” if I was standing in someone’s view of the TV. I often heard “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar” implying that I would get what I wanted easier with a kinder mouth. I heard that one a lot! Usually it was because I was being bossy, which is one of the problems with being the oldest child. My usual response to that one was “why would I want a bunch of flies anyway.” Obviously I was sometimes bossy and mouthy.

Sometimes these kind of expressions make no sense. “Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water” had me stumped for years until I realized it was saying don’t throw out the good with the bad. “The squeaky wheel gets the oil” helps people get their needs or wants met, but I usually replied, “yes, but it’s also the first one to be replaced.” Sometimes I had a problem with being told what to do too. Another saying that I heard frequently was “don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched” meaning don’t spend your money before you have it. All of these sayings communicate pretty clearly what the speaker wants you to know.

There are a lot of different expressions like these. And it makes me wonder how these expressions came about. Who makes up these expressions? How do they get started? So I looked up the ‘baby in the bath water’ expression and it originated in Germany in the 1500s and implied the concept of not discarding good ideas with bad ideas. It seems that some of these expressions have been around for a long time. One website I found had 1800 expressions and sayings with their explanations and histories. Who knew there were so many!

All of these sayings use common terms and concepts to communicate an idea. I wonder if these expressions originated to help people communicate ideas more clearly.  Humans communicating with humans is always an iffy thing. Sometimes I think I’ve said something very clearly with no room for misinterpretation. I find out later that the person (usually my husband) interpreted what I said in an entirely different way. Miscommunications happen so easily. Expressions can paint pictures in our minds, add reference points. These expressions might help someone understand more clearly what someone is trying to say-to get the point across.

In the bible we read that Christ often taught people using parables. These parables helped His listeners to understand His doctrine and teachings more clearly. Parables seem to be related to expressions that are in common to us, as they use ideas, concepts and cultural references to convey a message. Of course, some thought Christ was merely telling nice stories but the careful listener got the intended message. Maybe that’s the secret to really understanding the message of the speaker: careful listening. Sometimes I’m thinking of what I’m going to say back to someone instead of really focusing on what he or she is saying. I’m more interested in getting my message across instead of trying to understand another person.

So maybe I need to “strike while the iron is hot’ when someone is “spilling the beans” and “read between the lines.” Listening to someone really is a “labor of love.”

 

Husband,Lessons Learned

Pig Hooks, Hog Rings

posted on : October 15, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Several years ago a man from a store called and left a message with me for my husband.  He wanted me to let him know the pig hooks my husband had ordered had come in.  So dutifully when my husband got home from work I passed the message on.  My husband was very puzzled.  He didn’t know what I was talking about and he didn’t know what pig hooks were.  He kept asking questions and shaking his head in total confusion.  After a few more questions and he finally figured out what I was talking about.  The man had the hog rings that my husband had ordered. I said “pig hooks, hog rings-sounds like the same thing.”  It seems that in my mind I had inadvertently translated hog rings (a type of fastener for fencing) to pig hooks (which it turns out there no such thing).  It lent for a lot of laughs for several days but it really illustrated some of the problems with communication.  People say something they think is accurate but it turns out not to be accurate at all.  I honestly thought it was pig hooks. Sometimes this miscommunication leads to frustration and even anger.  And there’s been lots of times I thought my husband and I were talking about the same thing only to find out later he had something totally different in mind.  We’ve even had conversations where I thought we decided something only at some point to figure out he thought we decided something completely different. I would get really mad at him and tell him he was only half listening-again. Of course getting mad never solves any problems, and it usually creates even more problems.  Over time he and I have learned to ask a few questions, and then when it’s an important conversation to sum up what we decided and who’s doing what.  Sometimes I even write it down (I have thought about having him sign it but…).  Occasionally in summing up what I think was decided he will correct me and then we find we have more to talk about.  But that’s what communication is for-to come to a clear consensus and to know what each other is thinking and what the outcome is we each want.  Learning to communicate clearly has been a long process that for the most part we now do well at.  It took assuming each other wanted to communicate clearly, was committed to the relationship and really wanted to be united on an issue.  It basically took a lot of patience and love.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/04/family-communications?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng

Children,Lessons Learned

The Birds and the Bees, and Other Things

posted on : July 2, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

Many years ago when my oldest was about 7 years old she asked me where babies came from.  Knowing that this question would arise some time I had spent quite a bit of time reading books on how to discuss this topic with my children, so I was really prepared.  I told her all of the information I thought was age appropriate but made sure I included enough details so she basically had the information and afterwards I was really proud of myself on how I handled it and had answered her questions easily and just generally did a good job. I felt like I deserved a gold star on my parent chart for that conversation.  Several months later she asked basically the same questions and I was confused.  So I asked her if she remembered the conversation we had before on the same topic and surprisingly she said no.  I’m thinking, “wait a minute, you don’t remember that masterful job of teaching I did?”  So I was a little frustrated but I explained it again and I eventually learned that most topics that parents need to teach their children about need to be taught several times.  Usually there are many conversations that are needed to cover important topics because we learn in small doses.  I do this with General Conference.  A speaker will say something that my brain latches onto and I am no longer listening to what he is saying but thinking about the one thing that struck me.  When I finally tune back in I have missed all of the in between stuff.  Fortunately we have the Ensign to read the talks or can listen to them through media outlets.  Children are the same.  They need to be taught the same thing over and over until it sinks in, and they do better being taught in small doses.  After they have learned one thing well they are ready to learn the next component, and you can usually tell what they are really wanting to know by asking a few questions. So even masterful teaching requires being done over and over again, whether it is the birds and the bees or other things.

Life

My Mother-in-law

posted on : November 28, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman.  She was widowed almost 19 years ago and came to live with us over eleven years ago after she had a series of strokes that left her deaf in one ear, diminished hearing in her other ear and with short term memory problems.  She has lived a life of service and hard work for her family, church, community and neighbors and is a woman of virtue and integrity.  Since she is a woman who has no problem speaking her mind, I was worried when she first came to live with us that she would bluntly tell me what I was doing wrong but that hasn’t happened and she has kept her criticism to herself, and instead has expressed her gratitude for us.  When she would come into the dining room for dinner she always took her hearing aid out because we are a noisy group, but no criticism.  If she ever saw me doing something she felt could have been done better a different way, I never heard about it.  She fell almost 4 years ago when walking about in her room and has been bed ridden since. She’s 97 and has wondered out loud “what’s it going to take to kill me?” and she has also wondered what good she is possibly doing in the world while being in bed.  This is the closest she comes to complaining and usually ends with “well, it doesn’t do any good to complain so I might as well not worry about it.”  Her attitude is amazing considering that she’s had to endure a lot of physical pain that comes with a failing body and the personal indignities of being bed bound.  It’s obvious that she wants to die and because she has a firm faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ she knows she’ll be with her husband and family again in the next world.  But, in spite of her wanting to die, not renewing her pace maker battery 4 years ago and having congestive heart failure, she lives on.  She wonders what good she is doing in the world where as I can see the good.  Through the years whenever my children needed someone to talk to there was always grandma with a listening ear.  Many times I would walk by her room and see one of my daughters lying on her bed talking with her and that daughter always left knowing grandma had confidence in her and that she loved her.  She taught my girls how to mend, crochet hats and told them stories of their ancestors.  She helped my daughter with Down Syndrome learn how to read.  I had made flash cards with words on them and she spent hours going over the words and listening to her read from books, always with a positive word for my daughter’s efforts.  This daughter is a great reader thanks in a large part to grandma.  She watched Disney movies over and over because that’s what my youngest daughter wanted to do.  Even though her presence in our home has been nothing but positive, she’s not perfect and that’s given us opportunity to talk about how even a really good person still has things to work on in her life and we keep trying to be better no matter how old we are. This has also given our family opportunity to talk about being tolerant and understanding with others weaknesses. She’s taught my children about faith, counseled them to make good choices and been their cheer leader in their endeavors. Especially in the last 4 years she’s modeled gratitude and optimism, and given us the opportunity to serve her, always with a thank you.  My children have seen us helping her and have helped her too, and have learned that family is important and that you take care of each other, even if it’s not convenient.  Because of her we are better as individuals and as a family.