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Family,Lessons Learned

Work vs Family Fun

posted on : March 8, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When my children were young there was always so much to do. I would wake up early to get kids ready for school or church, often after having been up several times during the night feeding a baby. I would work hard all day and late into the evening. There were always meals to fix, laundry to do and a house to clean. There was homework to supervise, children to bathe, as well as shopping to be done and music lessons to get kids to. During the spring and summer there was yard work and gardens to tend. During the fall there was canning and dehydrating fruit. I volunteered in the schools and there was church work to be done. I was always busy, busy, busy. Somehow I was self driven to try to do everything in my mind I thought I was supposed to do. Even when I was really tired it didn’t really occur to me that I didn’t have to do so much. I was a worker and work was what I did.

One day a few years ago I was talking with one of my daughters who told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to have children. She said it just seemed like a lot of work without any fun. She had watched me during the years and had seen all the work I did without really taking a lot of time for fun, and it seemed like drudgery to her. After talking with her for a while, I reassured her that she could make motherhood as fun as she wanted. This conversation left me feeling a little sad though. I felt sad that I had subtly conveyed the message that motherhood was all work and very little fun. I also started wondering about how much work is really needed to make a home run smoothly and how much is too much. Did I really need to do so much? I did do a lot of fun things with my kids. We had craft time, went to the pool and park several times a week during the summer and went to the movies often. We had halloween parties and celebrated birthdays with family parties and played board games. I read books with my children and we went to petting zoos and aviaries. But, even theses fun things were a lot of work because we often had not only my kids but half the neighborhood joining in. There were so many little fingers into the projects we did and getting anywhere with my crew took so much energy and work. I viewed having fun as work! And I was usually thinking ahead what needed to be done instead of being present and enjoying my family.

Now that my children are grown and gone I look at things a little differently. Perhaps I have learned to relax a little over the years. Maybe I see how fast the time has gone. Perhaps I have come to realize that work is important but that relationships need to be nurtured by doing enjoyable things together. Families do take a lot of work, even to have fun. But, having fun together is just as important as working together. Being together just for the pleasure of it without thinking about what still needs to be done. The kind of together that says I love you and I want to spend time with you. The kind of fun that says you are important to me. So, if I had another magic wand…

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&_r=1&old=true

Faith,Lessons Learned

Spiders and Other Distractions

posted on : July 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I have a friend who told me a story of how she was once driving down the street when a spider dangled down from the ceiling of her car in front of her steering wheel. She started swiping at the spider trying to get it out of her way without any luck and it kept flying back and forth in front of her while she’s shrieking and panicking.  Meanwhile she’s still driving down the street and naturally ran into something because she was no longer paying attention to where she was going.  As she tells it she let herself become distracted from what was important by something that was unimportant.  Unfortunately I do this all too often and even though I know what my goals are, what I need to be doing to achieve them, I focus on unimportant things such as playing games on my iPad or watching too much TV.  It is so easy when I want a break to play a game for a few minutes that turns out to be for a couple of hours.  What I could have been doing instead!  Joseph Smith said in 1842, as quoted by Wilford Woodruff, that “a man is saved no faster than he gets knowledge.”  There is so much that I do not know and not just about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  There are so many relationships to foster, so many people I could be helping, and family history to be done but it is easier to play games or to watch TV.  Easier does not lead to better!  Every time I channel my efforts to discipline myself and do something worthwhile I increase my strength and ability to do more worthwhile things.  My capacity is enlarged and I become more than I was before, and I develop more self-discipline.  Distractions from things that are important leave me feeling wanting even though they are momentarily fun.  As I work to become more focused on the important things of life I find that my desire for the unimportant diminishes.  I do better and feel better, and slowly become better.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/choose-wisely?lang=eng

Parenting

All Singing the Same Song

posted on : December 9, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

One Monday evening, when we were doing Family Home Evening, we were singing “I am a Child of God.” My eight children and my husband and myself were singing but each one was singing in a different key, different pace and different style.  Some finished before others singing with great volume and flair while others were singing softly at their own pace, and some were actually singing the song the way it was written to be sung.  It created a great, amazing cacophony.  As I looked around and listened to the sound it occurred to me that this was a perfect analogy for my family.  We were all singing the same song-our family goals are basically the same, but each one is singing the song in his or her own way adding to our very imperfect choir, his or her sound. Each voice is valued and important to the choir just like they are to our family.  We love each one of our children and his or her unique personality and value the contribution they make to our family, even if sometimes one of us is singing off key!