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Faith,Life

The Reasons We Change

posted on : February 8, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

When I was 16 I started watching a soap opera called All My Children. It was really popular at my school and it was fun to be able to talk about it with my friends. It wasn’t long before I was really involved in the story line and the “lives” of the characters in the show. When I went away to college I scheduled my classes when it was possible so I could watch the show. There were TVs set up in the student center and several of us would gather and watch it almost daily. After I graduated and had a job I would usually go home for lunch and watch the show and I was glad the timing of the show fit in with my lunch schedule. I was heavily involved with the show even though in the back of my mind I knew some of the show’s content was inappropriate. I rationalized that some of the bedroom scenes were okay to watch because I really knew what was right and I would never do those things so it really didn’t matter. Sometimes I just didn’t think about it at all because I didn’t want to. Unfortunately it was really easy to fool myself into watching a show I knew was wrong.

After my first baby was born I was a stay at home mom so it was really easy to schedule my day around the show. When my daughter was about 8 months old I was watching the show one day when I had the thought come to me, “Do you really want that show in the background while she’s growing up.” I thought, “No, I don’t!” and I turned it off and never watched it again. What’s really interesting to me is that a show I had been heavily involved in and had watched for 14 years was suddenly unimportant to me when compared with my daughter and her welfare. I’m sure I had been prompted before to quit watching the show but had ignored the warnings. I have found in my life that often it takes the right motivation for me to make changes. In this case it was love for my daughter which was greater than a TV show.

I once read there are 3 main reasons for doing just about anything. The first is the fear of not doing it, of getting punished if we don’t do it. For example, getting bad grades because we didn’t do our homework, or disappointing people we care about. Gospel analogy would be loss of the Spirit, having people think badly of us or eventually going to Hell. The second would be for the reward we get for doing it. Keeping with the same example would be getting good grades, or getting a pay raise or promotion at work. It could also be receiving awards or public recognition. Gospel analogy would be for receiving blessings, having the Spirit with us, or feeling good about ourselves. Sometimes it is receiving the praise of others or being known as a good person. The last reason we do things is just for love of it. For me that was the case of loving my daughter more than the show. Sometimes people exercise just because they love it or go to work because they love what they do and the pay is secondary. People often quit smoking or start healthy habits because they love someone. In gospel terms it would be because we love God. We don’t keep the commandments out of fear or hope of reward but because we love God. This is obviously the higher law or reason but too often not why I do something. In the scriptures we are told to love God with “all of our hearts, might, mind and strength.” Usually the word heart is listed first because when we love God with all of our hearts everything else falls into place, our motivations are pure. As I try to love God with my whole heart and try to do things for the right reason my focus becomes clearer and I fear less. I am less worried about what others think. It seems like it should be something so easy to do. Yet it is so hard for me to do things for the right reason. Doing something because I love God and not because of the reward I get is something I am working on. This involves changing my heart and focus, and for me it will be the quest of a life time.

https://www.mormonchannel.org/blog/post/3-ways-to-develop-genuine-love-for-god

Church,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

A Love For The Scriptures

posted on : November 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I grew up in California and we had early morning church classes called seminary to attend.  I am not an early morning person and rarely attended the classes.  Since I didn’t go very often I didn’t graduate from seminary. Not only that but I was so busy with classes and life while in college, I didn’t make reading my scriptures and studying the gospel the priority it should have been.  I did have religion classes and did the course work but it wasn’t a whole-hearted effort. Then of course I found out what busy really was as a mother with lots of children.  I rarely found time to read and study the scriptures unless I had a class to teach at church.  Unfortunately I didn’t really start studying the scriptures and the gospel until I was in my early 40’s.  I still had lots of children to care for and migraines to deal with so what made the difference?  I had a dear friend who loved the scriptures.  She loved to study the words of the prophets and ponder on the meanings of them.  She thoroughly enjoyed exploring the scriptures and the doctrines of the gospel, and she took great joy in them!  She demonstrated a zest and love for the gospel and I wanted to have the same love and feelings for the scriptures that she did.  I wanted to be able to apply the teaching of the scriptures to my life too.  I wanted to have the scriptural knowledge that she had.  She inspired me and so I began a journey into gospel learning that has greatly blessed and influenced my life for good.  In the last 20 years, as I have studied the scriptures and the words of the prophets, my knowledge and gospel confidence has increased greatly.  As I have applied the teachings of the gospel in my life I have been greatly enriched.  Her example influenced me and created a yearning in my heart to truly love the scriptures.

Recently there have been changes in church procedures announced. We now have before us in the church a refocus on home centered gospel teaching, supported by teaching in classes at church.  Lately during church classes I have listened to many women express their concerns about being able to adequately teach their children the gospel in their homes. They feel pressure to help their children learn the scriptures and gospel doctrines, and help them acquire testimonies.  Even though I no longer have young children in my home I remember the same feelings and the urgency I felt at helping my children to know the scriptures. Because of that we made sure we did family scriptures and prayer nightly, and Family Home Evening weekly.  We always had the mechanics of it in place but sometimes I treated it as an ordeal to get through rather than a joyful thing. I spent too much time trying to endure the process of reading the scriptures with my children rather than just enjoying the time learning together.  Now I can see that if I had transmitted my love for the scriptures and gospel learning as a joyful blessing instead of an ordeal that perhaps my children would have sensed my love for the scriptures and wanted that same love for them in their lives. Treating scripture time as an opportunity and joyful thing would have taught just as much as the actual reading of them.  It would have taught that scriptures are a thing to be treasured and that reading them brings joy into your lives. If I had any advice for parents who are concerned about the refocus on home centered learning it would be to love the scriptures yourself and just enjoy the learning and teaching time with your family. Your children will see the blessings in your life from scripture study and gospel learning and want the same blessings in their lives, even though it may not be until they are a little older.

I think of my friend and her influence on me and how I wanted the same experiences she had, I wanted to love the scriptures like she did.  Her example changed my life forever.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/deep-and-lasting-conversion-to-heavenly-father-and-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/with-all-the-feeling-of-a-tender-parent-a-message-of-hope-to-families?lang=eng

 

 

Church,Family

Change Is Good and So Is Family History

posted on : October 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have decided to do just one posting a week instead of two.  Sometimes I scramble to find something I think people will be interested in reading. Obviously I don’t know as much as I thought I did!  This will also free me up to work more on my family history which has taken a backseat to the blog since I started writing it a little over a year ago.  When I was younger family history seemed a mystery to me, and expensive.  I didn’t understand the process of finding information and knowing for sure it was the right information.  It was also expensive to send away for records and there was a lot of wait time.  My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, places a lot of value and emphasis on family, both living and dead.  We believe that all need to hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ and that those who have died without the opportunity to hear about the gospel are taught it in the next world after they die.  Since they weren’t able to receive saving ordinances while they were alive we perform the ordinances for them as proxies. They have the choice to accept the teachings or not, but we do family history to find family members who need to have their work done giving them the opportunity.  While in the past it was difficult to do family history, now it’s very easy.  Almost everything is available online and I have yet to need to send away for a record.  Since my family is second generation members of my church there’s a lot to be found and I have found many people in which I can have their ordinance work done.  I can spend hours and hours doing it, which is interesting to me because I never thought I would like doing it.  Sometimes I find so much information that I have to force myself to pull away and go to bed or eat or do necessary tasks of life. One of the things I like about it is finding personal information about a relative.  The person becomes real to me and I feel connected to them, and it’s interesting to see patterns in families that are carried out in subsequent generations.  I have had many spiritual experiences with family history, sometimes feeling like I have been guided to find certain information which had been so elusive.  Recently I have been blessed to find information about my great-grandfather who came to this country from Bulgaria in 1913.  Bulgarian records are hard to come by and we now have information that dates back to 1730, but it’s all in Bulgarian which is Cyrillic writing!  Studying this information and trying to translate it will take a lot of time. Somehow I feel driven to do it and so now I will have more time by only posting once a week. So, change is good and so is family history.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/04/family-history-and-temple-work-sealing-and-healing?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/generations-linked-in-love?lang=eng

Church,Lessons Learned

Looking For Answers

posted on : August 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

A friend of mine told me about a Family Home Evening lesson she did. To prepare for it she inventoried her chest freezer and made a list of hard to find items.  Then she put other food items on top of those food items on her list.  For the lesson she handed out the list of things and had her kids go look for them in the freezer.  They found a couple of the easy ones but couldn’t find most of the items.   Now she knew they were there so she told them to go look again. They came back still only finding a few of the items on the list, partly because they didn’t really want to find them.  Together they went and found everything on the list.  She compared this to searching for answers to gospel questions.  She told them that some questions are easily answered while others take perseverance and a lot of digging to find the answers and sometimes help is needed from someone with a lot of gospel experience.  Just like digging for hard to find food items in a freezer we have to more than casually look for answers to our gospel questions and we need to really want to find the answers.  For most of the questions we have, we are able to find the answers with a little effort.   Some questions though take a lot of effort, pondering and prayer.  They may take years or even a life time to find the answers and some may only be answered in the next life.  But I have found that when I find answers to my questions it strengthens my faith that the harder to find answers are there and to keep searching for them, and to accept that for some I may have to wait until the next world to receive my answers.  I have also found that when I have to work really hard for an answer that I value it more, I really appreciate the answer and sometimes I even treasure it.  In some ways I think this is part of the plan.  Our Heavenly Father knows that as we look for answers our faith grows and our knowledge increases and not always just in the arena of the questions we have.  He also knows that when we have to work hard for something, we value it more. I know the answers are there if we faithfully persevere and look for them.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/faith-is-not-by-chance-but-by-choice?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/waiting-on-the-road-to-damascus?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Refinement

posted on : July 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

When I was 17 I went with my mother to another state to visit a woman who was my mother’s best friend when they were teenagers.  They did everything together, as best friends do, and they both married very young, at age 16.  My mother eventually moved to another state with her husband and one day missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on her door and she immediately was interested in the Church.  She was baptized and set about trying to become a better person through applying the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ in her life.  On this trip, when I met this woman I was immediately struck by how coarse and crude she was.  She was probably the most vulgar woman I had ever met, and it seemed to me that she even cackled when she laughed.  In that instant, even at age 17, I had a clear understanding of how the gospel helps to refine a person.  I could clearly see the difference between my mother and this woman who was once her best friend, and I could see how if my mother had stayed on the same path as her friend that she would have been similar to how her friend was now. In essence, I could see how my mother’s life and thus mine would have been without the refining power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel of Christ, when we let it, helps us to be better and do better.  It teaches us that as disciples of Jesus Christ we are to become like Him in every thought, word and deed. Sometimes this is overwhelming to think about especially if I look at all of the things I’m not doing right yet and how long it will be before I’m even close to becoming Christ-like.  Yet the thought that I focus on mostly is not the end result but the journey from good to better.  As I try to become more Christ-like my attitudes and desires change and I take joy in simpler things and in my journey there is more happiness along the way and in my life.  As I see progress in my life it gives me hope that I can do it and I am strengthened to accomplish very hard things.  As I am battling sins and bad habits in my life that I have been battling for years, I have decided that even if I don’t completely master in them in this life that I will die still trying because giving up is not an option.  I want to live with my Heavenly Father and family again.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/be-ye-therefore-perfect-eventually?lang=eng

Faith,Lessons Learned

Spiders and Other Distractions

posted on : July 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I have a friend who told me a story of how she was once driving down the street when a spider dangled down from the ceiling of her car in front of her steering wheel. She started swiping at the spider trying to get it out of her way without any luck and it kept flying back and forth in front of her while she’s shrieking and panicking.  Meanwhile she’s still driving down the street and naturally ran into something because she was no longer paying attention to where she was going.  As she tells it she let herself become distracted from what was important by something that was unimportant.  Unfortunately I do this all too often and even though I know what my goals are, what I need to be doing to achieve them, I focus on unimportant things such as playing games on my iPad or watching too much TV.  It is so easy when I want a break to play a game for a few minutes that turns out to be for a couple of hours.  What I could have been doing instead!  Joseph Smith said in 1842, as quoted by Wilford Woodruff, that “a man is saved no faster than he gets knowledge.”  There is so much that I do not know and not just about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  There are so many relationships to foster, so many people I could be helping, and family history to be done but it is easier to play games or to watch TV.  Easier does not lead to better!  Every time I channel my efforts to discipline myself and do something worthwhile I increase my strength and ability to do more worthwhile things.  My capacity is enlarged and I become more than I was before, and I develop more self-discipline.  Distractions from things that are important leave me feeling wanting even though they are momentarily fun.  As I work to become more focused on the important things of life I find that my desire for the unimportant diminishes.  I do better and feel better, and slowly become better.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/choose-wisely?lang=eng

Faith,Lessons Learned

Problems Of Our Own Making

posted on : July 9, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

In world news lately we have learned of a group of boys, who with their leader, are trapped in a cave in Thailand, and they have been trapped there for over two weeks.  When they entered the cave to explore it, it wasn’t raining but when it started to rain it sent water flooding into the cave trapping the group inside.  In Thailand it is the rainy season and logic would tell you that this cave floods during this time yearly and that poor planning and decision making were involved in deciding to take this group to explore this cave at this time of year.  Yet despite this, the world is reaching out to help this group.  They have sent in food and other supplies for them and are trying to figure out the best way to help free them from the trap they are in, and they have been able to free 4 of the boys.  They have not said “you used poor judgement and got yourself in a serious bind so we are not going to help you.”  In spite of poor planning there are many working to help this group, and one had died in attempting to rescue them.  In thinking about this there are many gospel parallels that come to mind. Often the troubles we find ourselves in are of our own making.  They come from situations in which we used poor judgment or ignored the potential consequences or sometimes didn’t care about what could happen until it did.  Despite this there are many who stand ready to help us out of the traps we have created for ourselves.  Christ, our ultimate rescuer, has not said, “Well, you caused your own problems and used poor judgement so I’m not going to help you.”  Instead, we are taught in the scriptures that “His hand is stretched out still.”  He is waiting to rescue us when we need help and turn to Him, and even those trapped in that cave have to want to be rescued. And didn’t He give His life that we might be fully rescued?   Despite our pride, our disobedience, our blatant disregard for His teachings, all we need to do is reach out and take hold of His proffered hand, and we have to want to be rescued, be willing to work hard to change, and recognize that He is the Great Rescuer.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/the-atonement-can-clean-reclaim-and-sanctify-our-lives?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng

Children,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

It Must Be Important

posted on : May 31, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Every night it was a battle to round-up my quarrelsome, busy, active kids to do family prayer and scriptures. While I would read they would be elbowing, poking and even pretending to fall asleep.  It seemed they were physically there but not spiritually.  I once commented to my husband that I thought that by reading the scriptures and having family prayer every night we would have a more peaceful home.  He said to just think how bad it would really be if we didn’t do it!  It was a funny answer but not really satisfying.  I think part of the problem is that I had shoulds going through my brain, expectations of how my family really should be, and this wasn’t it.  I eventually learned that this was pretty normal behavior for most children but I still didn’t like it.  I really wanted to connect with my children on a spiritual level and impart my love of the scriptures to them.  Every once in a while there was a golden evening where the Spirit was present, and I could tell they were really listening but it didn’t happen very often, and I really cherished those moments.  I finally decided that persevering with this nightly process accomplished at least two things beside the obvious principles of obedience and spiritual education.  The first thing I think that was accomplished was that my children learned from our nightly battle to round everyone up is that if we were willing to do this huge task every night that it must be worth it, that it must be important. I hoped they learned that their mom and dad thought that gathering the family every night to read the scriptures and have a prayer together was a priority and so important that we did it in spite of the hassles.  I hope my children saw that we truly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ and the ability of it to bless our lives.  The next thing I think that was accomplished was more for me as a parent than for my children.  I have a few children who have not embraced the gospel as I have hoped.  At this time they are not actively participating in the blessings the gospel offers.  As I have looked back, I am glad that we were consistent with family scriptures and prayers because I don’t have to wonder if I had just done them would my children who are less active be fully active now.  It’s so easy to blame myself but I don’t have to feel guilty over this.  I recognize that I did my best in this area and that we were consistent and they have made choices I don’t like but accept. I also have children who are actively participating in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I think that consistently doing family scriptures and prayer helped with that.  In spite of the hassles, doing family scriptures and prayer is worth it for many reasons!

Children,Parenting

Mother’s Day

posted on : May 10, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I always have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day and in most ways I used to dread it.  This is what I wrote in my journal in 2003: “Today is Mother’s Day.  I hate Mother’s Day.  I hear the talks in church and realize all the things I am not doing, that I will never be and never do and not only do I feel guilty, I feel depressed and sad that my children don’t have the mother they deserve.  Today the talks in church were different though. The speakers were assigned to talk about a principle of the gospel they learned from their mothers.  I liked this and for once I didn’t come home from church feeling like a failure…As I sat there thinking (about what the speakers were saying, I thought) about what I learned from my mother, I thought of the principle of tithing.”  I have previously written about how my mom paid tithing on the very little money that she earned and attributed that to our family making it until she graduated from nursing school and got a job.  Because of her firm testimony of tithing I have always paid my tithing, even when I was a very poor college student and I have seen many blessings, not always material, from paying tithing.  I also wrote what I learned from my mother-in-law: “I know that she has a firm belief in the power of prayer.  Many times when she has had problems she has told me that she would immediately fall to her knees and pray.  She has felt a real strength from praying in her life and I believe that has carried over to her children who have such a firm commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.”  Her unflagging devotion to the gospel and prayer have taught me much about praying and I have learned from her to always turn to my Heavenly Father in times of great need and in times of little need.  Some things I hope my children have learned from me include that the gospel is the way to happiness, that love is the key to solving most problems, to be honest with yourself and with others, and to work hard and do your best in whatever you do. Even though I’m not perfect in living these attributes I know them to be important and have gotten better at living them over the years. In spite of my many shortcomings and weaknesses my children are fine adults doing much good in the world.  Whenever I feel badly about not being a better mother I remember a conversation I had with one of my daughters where I apologized for yelling too much and not being patient enough.  She said “mom, I don’t remember you yelling.  I remember you singing and dancing with us in the family room.”  I tear up when I think of this conversation because   maybe I did better than I think, and maybe Mother’s Day is not something I need to dread.

Faith,Lessons Learned

Obedience

posted on : April 10, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I remember a time when I was young sitting in my family’s car with my brother and poking him with my finger just to annoy him.  I was probably about 10 and he was about 8 years old.  Of course my brother complained to my mother, who was driving our car, and she told me to quit poking him with my finger.  So I started poking him with my elbow and of course he complained again and of course she told me to quit poking him with my elbow.  Then I went to pinching him, and then to hitting him with my leg and anything else I could think of to be annoying while still being “obedient.”  I was having a lot of fun playing the game of being obedient but not really obedient, because I was doing what my mom said while still trying to get around it.  Since then I have learned the difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law and doing something to be obedient and doing something because I love God.  Too often even now I do things because they are right to do, not because I love God and want to serve Him and show my love through obedience. And although it’s better to be obedient and do something that is right than to not do it, it’s even better to do something because of my love for my Savior.  I recognize that obedience as well as other gospel principles and doctrines really require giving my heart to God for me to get the most out of them and so really  serving God with my heart and being obedient out of love benefits me the most.