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Browsing Tag: friends

Lessons Learned

Making a Difference in the World

posted on : May 29, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago we had a freezer in our car port that I kept popsicles in. My kids could help themselves while they were playing outside with their friends on a hot, summer’s day. My children were generous and always offered their friends popsicles too, which was fine with me. One day I happened to look out the window to see neighborhood kids helping themselves to our popsicles. None of my kids were around.  I was upset that these children felt free to get popsicles without asking or being offered them by my children. Money was always tight for us. I am ashamed to say I thought, “How can we ever save money to feed the hungry and poor of the world when everyone just feels free to help themselves to the things in our freezer.” Instantly I had the thought come to me, “You are feeding the hungry and poor of the world.” I immediately saw the situation in a different way. These sweet little children came from good homes with very little in worldly terms. Their mother had severe health challenges and any extra money went to medical bills. Letting them eat popsicles from our freezer was nothing in the scheme of things but a small service to another of God’s children. I learned a great lesson that day.

Sometimes we think, as I did, that service is something we do on a grand scale or something involving a stranger or group of needy people. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that service can be little things to the people around us. I remember a talk given in General Conference in October 2017 by Bonnie Oscarson. She recounted the story of a women who had collected quilts and drove a truck, full of quilts, from London to Kosovo to deliver them. While driving home she received the following inspiration “What you have done is a very good thing. Now go home, walk across the street and serve your neighbor.” This concept teaches me to serve where and how I can, even if it just involves a popsicle.

There are so many different ways to help others. Over the years there have been several times when I have met someone and I felt like I was supposed to be her friend for a while, and that the friendship wouldn’t be long lasting. These were quiet impressions, but as I acted on them, and developed friendships with each of these women I could see the hand of the Lord operating through me to help them. None of the things that happened were grand or large in scale. Mostly it was just being a friend. But it demonstrated to me that God knows each of His children and loves them. Since I was willing, He used me to bless some else’s life. The really funny thing about this is that each time this happened I was strengthened in my testimony of God’s love for His children, and my own life was blessed. Our loving Heavenly Father, who knows everything, knows that the giver and the receiver are both blessed. Kind of like a two-for-one deal.

Since that popsicle experience many years ago I have learned that there are many ways to serve. I know now that the poor and hungry of the world are often in my own neighborhood, and that service doesn’t have to be big or grandiose. Little things, like letting a neighbor child enjoy a treat from a freezer also blesses the life of the one giving the service. That was over 23 years ago and I still feel a connection to that little boy who is now a man with his own children. When we have eyes to see and ears to hear He will guide us to those we can help. As we try to follow Him, as we try to serve, in some small way, as He did we will be blessed too. When we serve where and how we can we will be making a difference in the world and in our own lives.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/the-needs-before-us?lang=eng

 

Faith,Life

The Reasons We Change

posted on : February 8, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

When I was 16 I started watching a soap opera called All My Children. It was really popular at my school and it was fun to be able to talk about it with my friends. It wasn’t long before I was really involved in the story line and the “lives” of the characters in the show. When I went away to college I scheduled my classes when it was possible so I could watch the show. There were TVs set up in the student center and several of us would gather and watch it almost daily. After I graduated and had a job I would usually go home for lunch and watch the show and I was glad the timing of the show fit in with my lunch schedule. I was heavily involved with the show even though in the back of my mind I knew some of the show’s content was inappropriate. I rationalized that some of the bedroom scenes were okay to watch because I really knew what was right and I would never do those things so it really didn’t matter. Sometimes I just didn’t think about it at all because I didn’t want to. Unfortunately it was really easy to fool myself into watching a show I knew was wrong.

After my first baby was born I was a stay at home mom so it was really easy to schedule my day around the show. When my daughter was about 8 months old I was watching the show one day when I had the thought come to me, “Do you really want that show in the background while she’s growing up.” I thought, “No, I don’t!” and I turned it off and never watched it again. What’s really interesting to me is that a show I had been heavily involved in and had watched for 14 years was suddenly unimportant to me when compared with my daughter and her welfare. I’m sure I had been prompted before to quit watching the show but had ignored the warnings. I have found in my life that often it takes the right motivation for me to make changes. In this case it was love for my daughter which was greater than a TV show.

I once read there are 3 main reasons for doing just about anything. The first is the fear of not doing it, of getting punished if we don’t do it. For example, getting bad grades because we didn’t do our homework, or disappointing people we care about. Gospel analogy would be loss of the Spirit, having people think badly of us or eventually going to Hell. The second would be for the reward we get for doing it. Keeping with the same example would be getting good grades, or getting a pay raise or promotion at work. It could also be receiving awards or public recognition. Gospel analogy would be for receiving blessings, having the Spirit with us, or feeling good about ourselves. Sometimes it is receiving the praise of others or being known as a good person. The last reason we do things is just for love of it. For me that was the case of loving my daughter more than the show. Sometimes people exercise just because they love it or go to work because they love what they do and the pay is secondary. People often quit smoking or start healthy habits because they love someone. In gospel terms it would be because we love God. We don’t keep the commandments out of fear or hope of reward but because we love God. This is obviously the higher law or reason but too often not why I do something. In the scriptures we are told to love God with “all of our hearts, might, mind and strength.” Usually the word heart is listed first because when we love God with all of our hearts everything else falls into place, our motivations are pure. As I try to love God with my whole heart and try to do things for the right reason my focus becomes clearer and I fear less. I am less worried about what others think. It seems like it should be something so easy to do. Yet it is so hard for me to do things for the right reason. Doing something because I love God and not because of the reward I get is something I am working on. This involves changing my heart and focus, and for me it will be the quest of a life time.

https://www.mormonchannel.org/blog/post/3-ways-to-develop-genuine-love-for-god

Lessons Learned

Moving and New Friends

posted on : September 24, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A little over 19 years ago we moved to a different home.  It was only 3 1/2 miles yet it seemed to be a lot farther than that.  My kids changed schools, we had a new ward to attend and we left many good friends. I was surprised at how lonely I felt for a long time even though the people in our new neighborhood and ward were very nice and friendly.  It was a hard adjustment and there were many days when I cried wanting to be with someone I knew well and felt safe with.  I tried connecting with friends from my old neighborhood but it just wasn’t the same because they had busy lives.  I would go to church in my new ward and see a lot of people who were always kind and welcoming and yet I just didn’t feel connected to anyone on a personal level.  You can’t become good friends with someone in an instant.  It takes time to develop deep friendships and connections, and everyone seemed so busy.  The loneliness went on for about 6 months when I decided I would volunteer to help with the church Christmas party.  There were two women who were in charge of the party and I don’t think I could have met better women.  They welcomed my help and ideas, and right away I was involved.  I helped set up, worked in the kitchen with other people and interacted with individuals in a more substantial way. I made phone calls to others in our ward to ask for help with the party.  Volunteering helped me to get to know the good people of my ward and I felt more connected to them.  After the Christmas party was over I could put names with faces much easier and felt much more comfortable chatting with people.  A few months later they asked me to help with another church party.  That really cemented friendships and from then on it wasn’t an issue.  I learned a big lesson from this situation.  People are nice and friendly but they can’t read my mind.  They didn’t know how lonely I was and nothing changed until I did something about my situation. I learned that it’s up to me to reach out and do something to change my life.  I also learned to be more aware of new people. Because I remember how I felt, I try to be friendly, inclusive and welcoming.  Being the new person can be lonely.

Lessons Learned

Fainting While Giving a Talk is Never a Good Idea

posted on : September 6, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have always worked hard to give good talks.  Even when I was a teenager I tried to give talks worth listening to.  People would tell me “when we see your name on the program we know it’s going to be a good meeting.”  Now, I know these people meant this as a compliment but what it really did was put pressure on me to give a perfect talk.  Each talk I gave had to be better than the previous one because I didn’t want to let anyone down.  So, I usually spent many hours researching the topic, memorized my talks and worked on the delivery.  It got so bad that I developed anxiety about speaking, thinking my talk had to be perfect.  I was sure people were listening to every word to judge me, deciding if I was competent or not.  When I was in college while I was speaking in a church meeting the pressure to perform became so great that I fainted in the middle of the talk-right there on the stand, flat-out fainted.  I got back up to finish the talk but started getting light-headed again so the bishop told me to not worry about finishing it. Fortunately I wasn’t asked to speak again in that ward!  But a few years later while I was speaking in another ward the same thing happened.  Because I had memorized the talk I kept on talking while getting light-headed hoping it would pass but all that passed was me-right there on the stand again.  This time I got up and made a joke about fainting and was able to continue with the talk.  After fainting twice while giving talks I really became anxious about speaking in pubic and this carried over to teaching lessons and even saying prayers in Sacrament Meeting.  I was so worried about doing these things perfectly but ironically when others gave talks if they didn’t word everything perfectly I didn’t think they were incompetent or lazy or foolish.  Usually I just enjoyed their talks and never thought they had to be perfect.  And so I prayed and hoped I wouldn’t be asked to give a talk or prayer.

Several years later I was asked to give the opening prayer in Sacrament Meeting and I was petrified-I didn’t want to mess up or faint.  As I stood at the pulpit and looked out at the audience the thought came to me “these people are all your friends and they would never wish you any harm” and then a complete peace settled on me.  I have no idea what I said in that prayer but I believe that because I was willing to do the prayer even though I was terrified, the Lord blessed me with this wonderful, peaceful experience.  This experience was life changing for me and just like the anxiety carried over from talks to lessons and prayers, this experience also carried over to those other areas.  The peace I felt  was amazing, so much so that now when I speak in a meeting I feel the peaceful reassurance that these people are my friends and wishing the best for me. I still work really hard to give good talks or lessons but now I am no longer worried about having to be perfect at it, in fact there’s been a couple of times I have actually enjoyed speaking.

Faith,Friendship

Good Friends

posted on : August 6, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have always been intrigued with the story about Christ found in the Bible in Mark 2:2-12.  It tells of a man in Capernaum who had palsy.  Christ was teaching in a home and it was so crowded that people spilled out of the doorway into the outer court.  The man who had palsy had 4 friends that carried him on a litter and tried to get him into the house.  They were sure that if they could get their friend into the house that Christ could heal him.  When they couldn’t get into the house because of the crowd of people, they took him up to the roof and made a hole in it and then lowered the man down through the hole to Christ.  In verse 5 it says “When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.”  Now there were scribes who were there listening to Christ teach and they “reasoned in their hearts” as the scriptures said, that only God could forgive sins and that Christ was speaking blasphemies.  Jesus knew their thoughts and in verse 8 we read that He said “Why reason ye these things in your hearts? Whether is it easier to say to the sick of the palsy, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and take up thy bed, and walk?  But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (he saith to the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy bed, and go thy way into thine house.  And immediately he arose, took up the bed, and went forth before them all; insomuch that they were all amazed, and glorified God…”   One of the things that I like about this story is that the man with palsy had very good friends.  They obviously had great faith and were willing to do whatever it took to bring their friend to Christ and they didn’t let obstacles stop them in their quest.  So questions come to my mind: Do I help my friends come to Christ?  Am I an influence for good in the lives of others?   Sister Linda Burton, who was the Relief Society General President, asked “How can we expect to strengthen families or help others unless we first have written in our own hearts a deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ and His Infinite Atonement?”  So in order to be a good friend, I must work on having a deep and abiding testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and apply the blessings of the atonement to my own life.  I can do this by increasing my own faith through obedience to the principles of the gospel.  Sister Burton also told this story: “A woman walking along a road fell into a pit so deep she could not climb out.   No matter what she did, she could not get out by herself.  The woman called for help and rejoiced when a kind passerby heard her and lowered a ladder down into the pit.  This allowed her to climb out of the pit and regain her freedom.”  She goes on to say “We are like the woman in the pit.  Sinning is like falling into the pit, and we can’t get out by ourselves.  Just as the kind passerby heard the woman’s cry for help, Heavenly Father sent his Only Begotten Son to provide the means of escape.  Jesus Christ’s atonement could be compared to lowering a ladder into the pit; it gives us the means to climb out.  But the Savior does more than lower the ladder, He comes down into the pit and makes it possible for us to use the ladder to escape.  Just as the woman in the pit had to climb up the ladder, we must repent of our sins and obey the gospel principles and ordinances to climb out of our pit and make the Atonement work in our lives.  Thus, after all we can do, the Atonement makes it possible for us to become worthy to return to Heavenly Father’s presence.”  I love this analogy, especially that Christ climbs down into the pit with us, He not only gives us the ladder but helps us climb up it. In Mosiah 18 it teaches us to “mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that need comforting and to stand as a witness of God in all times and in all things and in all places.”  It is interesting that comforting others is linked with standing as a witness of God.  Being a good friend involves both.  So other questions to ask myself are: do I do these things?  Can I do them better?  Am I like the friends of the palsied man who had such great faith that they brought him to Christ and didn’t let anything stand in their way?  I know this is the kind of friend that I would like to have and that I would like to be.  My faith in Jesus Christ is strengthened through the atonement that not only enables me to climb out of the pit but also gives me power to continue on the strait and narrow path that is enriched through good friends who help bring me to Christ.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/is-faith-in-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ-written-in-our-hearts?lang=eng

Faith,Lessons Learned,Life

Sometimes I Worry

posted on : July 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

There is a wonderful thought attributed to Mother Teresa entitled:

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

I love the concept of this message because sometimes I worry that in writing this blog people will think that I think I know everything, or that I think I have all of the answers or that I consider myself wise.  Sometimes I worry about what I write and if it will really help others, or worry about talking about religious stuff too much. Sometimes I worry that I am deluding myself about the efficacy of the blog and the expense and time involved are worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if this is really, in some small way, making a difference.  Maybe there are things you are wondering about in your life too.  Wondering if in the ways you are contributing to your family, neighborhood, church, employment and life is enough, if it is good and if you are making a difference in the world.  Wondering if in the small way you contribute good to those around you is enough.  Sharon Eubank in General Conference in October 2017 said “Any small thing you do to light real happiness in others shows that you are already carrying the torch…” and she went on to talk about turning on your light.  Small can be significant and good, and it is so easy to second guess ourselves and let worry or fears get in our way of doing something good, and to worry about what others think or how they will react. From these thoughts I learn to just Do It Anyway and maybe you will too.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/turn-on-your-light?lang=eng