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Down syndrome,Lessons Learned

My Right-Handed Perspective

posted on : June 19, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Recently my daughter had me help her cut some paper. This is the daughter who has Down syndrome. She was trying to cut out something from a magazine to tape it on a jar. I showed her how to cut around it and started the cutting for her. I watched her cut it and for the first time noticed her hand was in the way of her seeing what she was cutting.

It occurred to me that I had started cutting on the right side of the picture and she is left-handed. I have done this many times over the years and never once noticed that she couldn’t see what she was cutting because her hand was in the way. It explained all of the jagged edges and uneven cuts she always made.  I had always wondered why she couldn’t cut anything out straight.

I stopped her and restarted the cut on the left side of the picture and she continue to cut around from that side. She cut evenly and smoothly, no jagged edges and no cutting in the wrong place. She’s 17 years old and has been using scissors since preschool and I just notice this.

Sometimes it’s really easy to see things only from my right-handed perspective. To just do something like I always do, or to think things through from my reference point. Often it’s easy for me to not notice what stops someone from doing a good job. Then I wonder why that person didn’t measure up. I wonder why they can’t cut out something without jagged edges.  My right-handed perspective gets in the way.

Often I’m dealing with “left-handed people”. People who are different from me. Someone who methods and ways contrast from mine. His or her ways are just different from mine, not bad or worse. Sometimes it is easy to judge another as incompetent, or foolish or even incapable. When I do that it’s because I’m not making the effort to look at things from his or her perspective.

Usually telling someone to just do it the way I do it is not the answer. That often produces frustration and the previous results. If I really want to understand, I need to see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Looking at something as another sees it can be illuminating. Concentrating on another person’s skills and abilities and what they do well, can make a big difference. Trying to figure out what is stopping that person from being successful is helpful. And then taking the next step to figure out a way to help them succeed. Often it’s just little adjustments. Like switching sides of the paper when cutting.

Viewing something from another person’s perspective often helps me understand better, be less judgmental and more compassionate. When I do that I become a better parent, teacher, spouse and friend. When I step aside from a right-handed perspective to see through a left-handed view, I don’t have to wonder why someone didn’t measure up. That’s because the jagged edges and uneven cuts usually go away.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng

 

Children,Family,Friendship,Life

Happy Birthday Dear Daughter

posted on : January 11, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 10 Comments

When my oldest daughter was a toddler she was a hand full at church. To help keep her quiet and entertained, my husband would take his silk handkerchief that matched his tie (an 80’s thing) and roll and fold it in such a way that it looked like a canoe with “babies” in it. He would rock it between his hands and she would sit quietly and play with it. One time at church he forgot to wear his handkerchief and as we were listening to the speaker my daughter started looking through his pockets, moving his tie around and getting in his face. Since she was being quiet we didn’t think too much about it until she loudly shouted, “Where’s that little thing you use to make babies with daddy.” That quickly got our attention, especially as the people in the pews around us started laughing. We immediately put our heads down in deep embarrassment and explained that daddy forgot to bring it. Of course we laugh about it now! When she was a little older, she and her sister opened a 20 lb bag of flour and had a “snow” fight. When I found them, all I could see were two white faces with big eyes looking at me. That was a huge mess to clean up! Another time she and this same sister blocked off the bottom of the door of the bathroom with towels and filled the floor full of water to make an indoor slip and slide. I was downstairs doing laundry when I saw water pouring down from the ceiling. I ran up stairs and found 2 girls having great fun. I was amazed at their creativity but not amused with the damaged ceiling. One time I found my electric skillet in her bath tub with dried up food in it. It turns out that she and her partner in crime (this same sister) would take my electric skillet into their bedroom and cook things when they were supposed to be asleep. All of these things were basically harmless but they kept me really busy because what one daughter didn’t think to do the other one did. Of course there were a few things that weren’t so harmless like when she let her 14 year sister take her car and drive around with some friends. We were really lucky no one was hurt with that escapade. The years have passed and now this same daughter just celebrated her 33rd birthday. She has grown into a compassionate, thoughtful person who champions the underdog (humans and animals alike!). She has this knack for reaching out to others and becoming friends with them, and still keeps in contact with high school friends. When she is your friend you will have a friend for life. She will always have your back and she tries harder than anyone else I know to improve herself. She cares about her family and reaches out to build relationships. She is an amazing person who brightens our lives. In spite of all of her antics, I am glad she’s my daughter. Happy Birthday!

Church,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

A Love For The Scriptures

posted on : November 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I grew up in California and we had early morning church classes called seminary to attend.  I am not an early morning person and rarely attended the classes.  Since I didn’t go very often I didn’t graduate from seminary. Not only that but I was so busy with classes and life while in college, I didn’t make reading my scriptures and studying the gospel the priority it should have been.  I did have religion classes and did the course work but it wasn’t a whole-hearted effort. Then of course I found out what busy really was as a mother with lots of children.  I rarely found time to read and study the scriptures unless I had a class to teach at church.  Unfortunately I didn’t really start studying the scriptures and the gospel until I was in my early 40’s.  I still had lots of children to care for and migraines to deal with so what made the difference?  I had a dear friend who loved the scriptures.  She loved to study the words of the prophets and ponder on the meanings of them.  She thoroughly enjoyed exploring the scriptures and the doctrines of the gospel, and she took great joy in them!  She demonstrated a zest and love for the gospel and I wanted to have the same love and feelings for the scriptures that she did.  I wanted to be able to apply the teaching of the scriptures to my life too.  I wanted to have the scriptural knowledge that she had.  She inspired me and so I began a journey into gospel learning that has greatly blessed and influenced my life for good.  In the last 20 years, as I have studied the scriptures and the words of the prophets, my knowledge and gospel confidence has increased greatly.  As I have applied the teachings of the gospel in my life I have been greatly enriched.  Her example influenced me and created a yearning in my heart to truly love the scriptures.

Recently there have been changes in church procedures announced. We now have before us in the church a refocus on home centered gospel teaching, supported by teaching in classes at church.  Lately during church classes I have listened to many women express their concerns about being able to adequately teach their children the gospel in their homes. They feel pressure to help their children learn the scriptures and gospel doctrines, and help them acquire testimonies.  Even though I no longer have young children in my home I remember the same feelings and the urgency I felt at helping my children to know the scriptures. Because of that we made sure we did family scriptures and prayer nightly, and Family Home Evening weekly.  We always had the mechanics of it in place but sometimes I treated it as an ordeal to get through rather than a joyful thing. I spent too much time trying to endure the process of reading the scriptures with my children rather than just enjoying the time learning together.  Now I can see that if I had transmitted my love for the scriptures and gospel learning as a joyful blessing instead of an ordeal that perhaps my children would have sensed my love for the scriptures and wanted that same love for them in their lives. Treating scripture time as an opportunity and joyful thing would have taught just as much as the actual reading of them.  It would have taught that scriptures are a thing to be treasured and that reading them brings joy into your lives. If I had any advice for parents who are concerned about the refocus on home centered learning it would be to love the scriptures yourself and just enjoy the learning and teaching time with your family. Your children will see the blessings in your life from scripture study and gospel learning and want the same blessings in their lives, even though it may not be until they are a little older.

I think of my friend and her influence on me and how I wanted the same experiences she had, I wanted to love the scriptures like she did.  Her example changed my life forever.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/deep-and-lasting-conversion-to-heavenly-father-and-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/with-all-the-feeling-of-a-tender-parent-a-message-of-hope-to-families?lang=eng

 

 

Church,Faith

Fasting When It’s Difficult

posted on : October 1, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

In our church, on the first Sunday of each month, we fast for 24 hours from food.  There are two main reasons for fasting.  One is that the money we would have spent on the meals is given to the church to help those in need, and we are encouraged to be very generous with our donation.  Another reason for fasting is to learn to have our spirits in control over our bodies, because going without food for 24 hours can be very difficult.  Since I have migraines I have had difficulty in fasting.  When I don’t eat I get migraines, sometimes very severe ones, which can last for days.  They not only affect me but also my family.  I tried eating lightly to still obey the essence of the fast but I still got migraines.  One time a friend told me that she got headaches too from not eating but found that when she started and ended her fast with a prayer she did fine.  So I tried that and got a huge migraine.  Obviously what works for one person does not always work for another person.  I struggled for many years with how to fast and be obedient to the principle. I felt like I was missing out on the blessings that come from obedience, even though I felt good that we were at least doing the donation part. One day a friend suggested there are many things I could fast from besides food, which hadn’t occurred to me before.  I started thinking about this and decided I could fast from technology-no games on my phone or iPad, no reading newspapers on my laptop, no TV and no radio programs. I decided I could still do family history and my journal on my laptop, because they were not entertainment based. Basically nothing that is entertainment oriented involving technology.  I have been doing this for many years now and believe it or not, it’s very difficult to do. It’s amazing how hard it is to not get my iPad out and play a game, or to watch a TV program.  In some ways it helps me realize how much time I actually spend playing games. Because it is hard to do it is actually a fast and something that my spirit has to be in charge of.  I have to remind myself what I hope to gain from fasting, which in part is to show my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I would like to say that it has gotten easier over the years but it hasn’t.  Every Fast Sunday I still struggle with the no technology fast but I think that’s what makes it a true fast.  If it was easy it wouldn’t really be a fast.  I do believe that when I make an honest effort to be obedient to a principle, especially when it’s hard, the Lord blesses me for my efforts.  As I learn to master myself I gain greater strength to help me in other areas of my life. Fasting is another example of a commandment that is really designed to bless those who follow it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/is-not-this-the-fast-that-i-have-chosen?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-law-of-the-fast?lang=eng