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Browsing Tag: family

Family,Lessons Learned

Subtle Learning

posted on : June 7, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have learned that there are many things that are taught in a family that both the parents and the children are unaware of that are being taught.  I grew up in Southern California away from extended family.  My mother had a brother, who lived with us, and a mother who we often didn’t know where she was and my mother didn’t know her father.  There was very little contact with extended family, no phone calls, no visits-they generally were not part of our lives.  The interesting thing is that my brothers and sister and I do not maintain contact with each other.  We love each other and when we’re together we have a great time but somehow it never occurs to us to call each other just to chat or to keep in touch or to invite someone over for dinner. My husband just shakes his head at me because he can’t comprehend not maintaining contact with loved ones.  He has weekly phone calls with his brothers and sisters and when his parents were alive he called them almost daily “just to check in.”  Fortunately, our children had their father’s example of staying in touch with his extended family, because they call and visit with each other daily.  It took me a long time to figure out why it never occurs to me to call my family, and it’s not that I don’t think about them and it’s not that I don’t love them.  It just never enters my thinking to call when I have news of something good or bad.  And since I rarely hear from my brothers or sister I am assuming that it doesn’t occur to them either.  It takes an event, like a wedding or a birthday or holiday for us to connect, just like it did when I was growing up, and I remember going to a relative’s house for Thanksgiving once.  And when we’re together it’s great and I love them and we always say we need to get together more and we mean it but then we go home to our subtle learning and don’t call each other.  Recognition is one of the first steps to change and maybe it’s time for me to change.

Life

Doing What I’m Suppose To Be Doing

posted on : March 29, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I went to graduate school with some amazing women.  Since we have graduated over 30 years ago these women have done great things in the world to make it a better place for others.  After graduating one of them started the Families in Crisis Center in our area and later she went to Law School and combined the two degrees to become an international expert on adoptions and helped countries write their adoption policies.  She became a professor at an university and took students to Africa every summer to help the people on that continent.  Another of the women I went to school with went on to get her PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and worked with  LDS Social Services to help developing countries set up their foster care systems.  Later she became the vice president of student life at an university helping many people succeed in college life.  Both of these women were my good friends in grad school and I admire and respect them greatly.  After grad school I worked for a short while, got married and started having children and became a stay-at-home-mom.  Sometimes when I looked at the accomplishments and the good these two women have done, about 2% of me feels a little sad and disappointed in myself for not doing great and wonderful things to make the world a better place. But at the same time, there’s a quiet voice that reassures me that I’m doing what I’m suppose to be doing.  I have learned that there are different ways to make the world a better place, some grand and on a large scale and others on a much smaller scale such as quietly serving my family and neighborhood.  All contribute to a better world. Overall, I have been content with my place in the universe.

Children,Parenting

One of the Joys of Motherhood

posted on : March 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I recorded the following incident in my journal.  “As I was getting dressed (my daughter) said to me “Mom, why is your tummy so big after having a baby?  Now (this daughter, who was 5 years old) had been saying several things lately of this nature.  She had just told me the day before that she was worried about me dying because I “wasn’t getting any younger and was looking pretty old.”  So when she said this about my tummy I said ” You know, if you’re not careful, you’re going to hurt my feelings.”  Well, you could just see from her face the thoughts flying through her brain trying to rectify the situation.  Then she said, “You’re not fat mom, you just look fat.  You just look fat.”  I still chuckle about this from time to time. The innocence of a child.”  That was the end of my journal entry and even now when I think about this it makes me laugh.  Children are delightful and a joy to have and you never know what they are going to say.  This particular daughter is one of the kindest people I know, and the great thing is she is now expecting her first baby and well, I think turn-about-is-fair-play!

Life

Parade of Homes

posted on : December 29, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Every June my husband and I used to go to the Parade of Homes that was held in our county.  I liked to see the latest in home design and decor and fantasize about the home I would have some day.  These homes were decorated perfectly and had new appliances and looked great because there was no mess and no one’s stuff “decorating” the house.  Usually I would come home and feel dissatisfied with my house.  I would be irritated that my house didn’t have the latest garbage disposal or the best stove or endless cabinets to store things in or a beautiful couch fitting into an overall decor scheme, and of course there was lots of “evidence” of people living in our house.  When I really thought about it I realized I had a nice home and nothing had changed but my attitude.  It didn’t have the latest and greatest but it did have many nice features and was in a good neighborhood with great neighbors.  My solution?  I quit going to the Parade of Homes and decided to be happy with what I had.

Parenting

All Singing the Same Song

posted on : December 9, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

One Monday evening, when we were doing Family Home Evening, we were singing “I am a Child of God.” My eight children and my husband and myself were singing but each one was singing in a different key, different pace and different style.  Some finished before others singing with great volume and flair while others were singing softly at their own pace, and some were actually singing the song the way it was written to be sung.  It created a great, amazing cacophony.  As I looked around and listened to the sound it occurred to me that this was a perfect analogy for my family.  We were all singing the same song-our family goals are basically the same, but each one is singing the song in his or her own way adding to our very imperfect choir, his or her sound. Each voice is valued and important to the choir just like they are to our family.  We love each one of our children and his or her unique personality and value the contribution they make to our family, even if sometimes one of us is singing off key!