Browsing Tag: conversation

Several years ago a man from a store called and left a message with me for my husband.  He wanted me to let him know the pig hooks my husband had ordered had come in.  So dutifully when my husband got home from work I passed the message on.  My husband was very puzzled.  He didn’t know what I was talking about and he didn’t know what pig hooks were.  He kept asking questions and shaking his head in total confusion.  After a few more questions and he finally figured out what I was talking about.  The man had the hog rings that my husband had ordered. I said “pig hooks, hog rings-sounds like the same thing.”  It seems that in my mind I had inadvertently translated hog rings (a type of fastener for fencing) to pig hooks (which it turns out there no such thing).  It lent for a lot of laughs for several days but it really illustrated some of the problems with communication.  People say something they think is accurate but it turns out not to be accurate at all.  I honestly thought it was pig hooks. Sometimes this miscommunication leads to frustration and even anger.  And there’s been lots of times I thought my husband and I were talking about the same thing only to find out later he had something totally different in mind.  We’ve even had conversations where I thought we decided something only at some point to figure out he thought we decided something completely different. I would get really mad at him and tell him he was only half listening-again. Of course getting mad never solves any problems, and it usually creates even more problems.  Over time he and I have learned to ask a few questions, and then when it’s an important conversation to sum up what we decided and who’s doing what.  Sometimes I even write it down (I have thought about having him sign it but…).  Occasionally in summing up what I think was decided he will correct me and then we find we have more to talk about.  But that’s what communication is for-to come to a clear consensus and to know what each other is thinking and what the outcome is we each want.  Learning to communicate clearly has been a long process that for the most part we now do well at.  It took assuming each other wanted to communicate clearly, was committed to the relationship and really wanted to be united on an issue.  It basically took a lot of patience and love.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/04/family-communications?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng