Faith,Life

Making Me Something More

posted on : October 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

One of my favorite Bible stories is told in the New Testament of Christ feeding the 5,000.  In Luke we read that Christ had taken his apostles to the desert near the city Bethsaida and when the people heard where He was they followed Him to the desert.  He received them, spent the day teaching them, and as it says in Matthew, had great compassion on them and healed any that had need of healing.  As it got late in the day the apostles were worried and asked Christ to send the people away to find food and lodging. But Christ had something else in mind.  He asked His apostles to feed the people and the apostles replied that they only had 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, not nearly enough for 5,000 people.  Christ had them organize the people into groups and then took the bread and fish and looked to heaven, and blessed it and gave the food to the disciples to set before the multitude.  The people ate and were filled, and the remaining bread and fish filled 12 baskets.  In the Hands of the Savior miracles happen.  And just as Christ took the offered bread and fish and made them more than they were, when we offer to Christ what we have in our time, talents, and abilities He will take them and multiply them and make them more than they were.  In all of the aspects of our lives, in our own personal strivings He will take us where we are and the little we have to offer and make it more than enough, with much left over.  President Thomas S. Monson said “When we qualify ourselves by our worthiness, when we strive with faith nothing wavering to fulfill the duties appointed to us, when we seek the inspiration of the Almighty in the performance of our responsibilities, we can achieve miracles.”  The miracle in this case was the feeding of 5,000 men with their wives and children with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.  The miracle in us happens when we come to Christ and place our lives in His hands, when we trust that He will take us as we are and make us more than we ever thought possible. The amazing thing is that there will be more to us than we started with!  This story teaches me that Christ is a God of miracles, that he is all-knowing and compassionate.  It teaches me that He can, through the redemptive powers of the atonement, take me and fit me for the kingdom of God.  It teaches me that He can take me, with all of my flaws and inabilities and make me something more.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/i-have-a-work-for-thee?lang=eng

Church,Family

Change Is Good and So Is Family History

posted on : October 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have decided to do just one posting a week instead of two.  Sometimes I scramble to find something I think people will be interested in reading. Obviously I don’t know as much as I thought I did!  This will also free me up to work more on my family history which has taken a backseat to the blog since I started writing it a little over a year ago.  When I was younger family history seemed a mystery to me, and expensive.  I didn’t understand the process of finding information and knowing for sure it was the right information.  It was also expensive to send away for records and there was a lot of wait time.  My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, places a lot of value and emphasis on family, both living and dead.  We believe that all need to hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ and that those who have died without the opportunity to hear about the gospel are taught it in the next world after they die.  Since they weren’t able to receive saving ordinances while they were alive we perform the ordinances for them as proxies. They have the choice to accept the teachings or not, but we do family history to find family members who need to have their work done giving them the opportunity.  While in the past it was difficult to do family history, now it’s very easy.  Almost everything is available online and I have yet to need to send away for a record.  Since my family is second generation members of my church there’s a lot to be found and I have found many people in which I can have their ordinance work done.  I can spend hours and hours doing it, which is interesting to me because I never thought I would like doing it.  Sometimes I find so much information that I have to force myself to pull away and go to bed or eat or do necessary tasks of life. One of the things I like about it is finding personal information about a relative.  The person becomes real to me and I feel connected to them, and it’s interesting to see patterns in families that are carried out in subsequent generations.  I have had many spiritual experiences with family history, sometimes feeling like I have been guided to find certain information which had been so elusive.  Recently I have been blessed to find information about my great-grandfather who came to this country from Bulgaria in 1913.  Bulgarian records are hard to come by and we now have information that dates back to 1730, but it’s all in Bulgarian which is Cyrillic writing!  Studying this information and trying to translate it will take a lot of time. Somehow I feel driven to do it and so now I will have more time by only posting once a week. So, change is good and so is family history.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/04/family-history-and-temple-work-sealing-and-healing?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/generations-linked-in-love?lang=eng

Down syndrome,Faith,Lessons Learned

Imperfect Singing Is Okay

posted on : October 18, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My daughter with Down Syndrome loves to sing.  She sings with the radio, TV shows, at church and in choirs both at church and in school.  Sometimes she even has the right tune, notes and words.  I think she loves to sing so much that sometimes the correct words or tune get in the way of expressing herself.  She truly takes joy in singing.  We are fortunate that people around her accept her singing the way it is.  She’s always welcomed into the choirs she sings in and even though her school choir teacher consistently produces  award-winning choirs, and I’m sure he cringes sometimes at her lack of blending.  At church you can hear her sometimes singing in the choir standing out on not quite the right note but the choir directors always express how much they love having her sing with them.  She especially loves to sing church music and when she sings, she sings it with her whole heart.  I think that when God hears her singing He hears her love of it, sees her joy in it and takes great pleasure in seeing one of His daughters enjoying something so thoroughly.  I think her offering is acceptable to Him even though it is not even close to being perfect.  This thought gives me hope that in the many things I’m not great at, not close to being perfect in or just sometimes lousy at doing that God sees my efforts with love and acceptance. Sometimes my efforts are pretty feeble too and I fall short of my expectations and His. Then I have to pick myself up and try harder to do and be better. Sometimes the things I fall short on are the same things I have been falling short on for years.  It’s taken me a while but I have figured out that as long as I’m honestly trying I’m doing okay.  Efforts don’t have to be perfect to be good. God loves me even with all of my imperfections and I don’t have to do things perfectly for Him to accept me. Yes, He wants me to improve and to consistently work at being better but I think I am harder on myself than He is on me.  When I don’t measure up I often beat myself up with negative self-talk.  Sometimes I tell myself that I will never get better, that I will never conquer a certain problem, and this negative self-talk is actually what keeps me from rising up and doing better.  I need to remember my daughter and her love of singing and to remember that God takes joy in my efforts even though they are not perfect.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/happiness-your-heritage?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/believe-love-do?lang=eng

Husband,Lessons Learned

Pig Hooks, Hog Rings

posted on : October 15, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Several years ago a man from a store called and left a message with me for my husband.  He wanted me to let him know the pig hooks my husband had ordered had come in.  So dutifully when my husband got home from work I passed the message on.  My husband was very puzzled.  He didn’t know what I was talking about and he didn’t know what pig hooks were.  He kept asking questions and shaking his head in total confusion.  After a few more questions and he finally figured out what I was talking about.  The man had the hog rings that my husband had ordered. I said “pig hooks, hog rings-sounds like the same thing.”  It seems that in my mind I had inadvertently translated hog rings (a type of fastener for fencing) to pig hooks (which it turns out there no such thing).  It lent for a lot of laughs for several days but it really illustrated some of the problems with communication.  People say something they think is accurate but it turns out not to be accurate at all.  I honestly thought it was pig hooks. Sometimes this miscommunication leads to frustration and even anger.  And there’s been lots of times I thought my husband and I were talking about the same thing only to find out later he had something totally different in mind.  We’ve even had conversations where I thought we decided something only at some point to figure out he thought we decided something completely different. I would get really mad at him and tell him he was only half listening-again. Of course getting mad never solves any problems, and it usually creates even more problems.  Over time he and I have learned to ask a few questions, and then when it’s an important conversation to sum up what we decided and who’s doing what.  Sometimes I even write it down (I have thought about having him sign it but…).  Occasionally in summing up what I think was decided he will correct me and then we find we have more to talk about.  But that’s what communication is for-to come to a clear consensus and to know what each other is thinking and what the outcome is we each want.  Learning to communicate clearly has been a long process that for the most part we now do well at.  It took assuming each other wanted to communicate clearly, was committed to the relationship and really wanted to be united on an issue.  It basically took a lot of patience and love.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/04/family-communications?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng

Church,Faith

Fasting When It’s Difficult

posted on : October 1, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

In our church, on the first Sunday of each month, we fast for 24 hours from food.  There are two main reasons for fasting.  One is that the money we would have spent on the meals is given to the church to help those in need, and we are encouraged to be very generous with our donation.  Another reason for fasting is to learn to have our spirits in control over our bodies, because going without food for 24 hours can be very difficult.  Since I have migraines I have had difficulty in fasting.  When I don’t eat I get migraines, sometimes very severe ones, which can last for days.  They not only affect me but also my family.  I tried eating lightly to still obey the essence of the fast but I still got migraines.  One time a friend told me that she got headaches too from not eating but found that when she started and ended her fast with a prayer she did fine.  So I tried that and got a huge migraine.  Obviously what works for one person does not always work for another person.  I struggled for many years with how to fast and be obedient to the principle. I felt like I was missing out on the blessings that come from obedience, even though I felt good that we were at least doing the donation part. One day a friend suggested there are many things I could fast from besides food, which hadn’t occurred to me before.  I started thinking about this and decided I could fast from technology-no games on my phone or iPad, no reading newspapers on my laptop, no TV and no radio programs. I decided I could still do family history and my journal on my laptop, because they were not entertainment based. Basically nothing that is entertainment oriented involving technology.  I have been doing this for many years now and believe it or not, it’s very difficult to do. It’s amazing how hard it is to not get my iPad out and play a game, or to watch a TV program.  In some ways it helps me realize how much time I actually spend playing games. Because it is hard to do it is actually a fast and something that my spirit has to be in charge of.  I have to remind myself what I hope to gain from fasting, which in part is to show my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I would like to say that it has gotten easier over the years but it hasn’t.  Every Fast Sunday I still struggle with the no technology fast but I think that’s what makes it a true fast.  If it was easy it wouldn’t really be a fast.  I do believe that when I make an honest effort to be obedient to a principle, especially when it’s hard, the Lord blesses me for my efforts.  As I learn to master myself I gain greater strength to help me in other areas of my life. Fasting is another example of a commandment that is really designed to bless those who follow it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/is-not-this-the-fast-that-i-have-chosen?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-law-of-the-fast?lang=eng

Lessons Learned,Life

The Snot On My Face

posted on : September 27, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When one of my daughters was 2 I took her with me to go grocery shopping.  As I was putting her in the grocery cart seat she reached up and touched my face.  I didn’t think anything about that but just went on my way shopping, putting groceries in the cart and of course passing people in the aisles.  After about  30 minutes in the store I went to the checkout where they had mirrors for people to try on sunglasses.  It was at this point while looking in the mirror that I noticed a large piece of snot on my face.  Not just a little piece but a huge piece which my daughter had put on my face when she touched it.  I had gone through the whole store, passing people with a gigantic piece of snot very noticeably on my face.  Of course I was embarrassed and quickly wiped it off.  I wondered how many people had seen me this way while I was oblivious to its presence and I was very mortified. I have thought about this incident during the years and now laugh about it but I have also since wondered about what other obvious problems I have that others can see to which I am oblivious. What do others see that as I walk down the aisles of my life of which I am not aware? Sometimes I can be so unaware of myself, which is often merciful but not productive. Of course every so often I get glimpses in the mirror and see things that I am embarrassed about, things that I know I need to change, to improve upon (having children is a very good mirror!).  And in thinking about it, thank goodness for mirrors that allow me to see myself, the good and the bad.  Without mirrors there would be no growth, no change.  Without periodically really looking at myself I would not notice what I need to be doing differently.  So even though sometimes it can be embarrassing and hard to look in a mirror and see things I don’t like, I am also grateful that they exist for without them I would remain oblivious to the snot on my face.

Lessons Learned

Moving and New Friends

posted on : September 24, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A little over 19 years ago we moved to a different home.  It was only 3 1/2 miles yet it seemed to be a lot farther than that.  My kids changed schools, we had a new ward to attend and we left many good friends. I was surprised at how lonely I felt for a long time even though the people in our new neighborhood and ward were very nice and friendly.  It was a hard adjustment and there were many days when I cried wanting to be with someone I knew well and felt safe with.  I tried connecting with friends from my old neighborhood but it just wasn’t the same because they had busy lives.  I would go to church in my new ward and see a lot of people who were always kind and welcoming and yet I just didn’t feel connected to anyone on a personal level.  You can’t become good friends with someone in an instant.  It takes time to develop deep friendships and connections, and everyone seemed so busy.  The loneliness went on for about 6 months when I decided I would volunteer to help with the church Christmas party.  There were two women who were in charge of the party and I don’t think I could have met better women.  They welcomed my help and ideas, and right away I was involved.  I helped set up, worked in the kitchen with other people and interacted with individuals in a more substantial way. I made phone calls to others in our ward to ask for help with the party.  Volunteering helped me to get to know the good people of my ward and I felt more connected to them.  After the Christmas party was over I could put names with faces much easier and felt much more comfortable chatting with people.  A few months later they asked me to help with another church party.  That really cemented friendships and from then on it wasn’t an issue.  I learned a big lesson from this situation.  People are nice and friendly but they can’t read my mind.  They didn’t know how lonely I was and nothing changed until I did something about my situation. I learned that it’s up to me to reach out and do something to change my life.  I also learned to be more aware of new people. Because I remember how I felt, I try to be friendly, inclusive and welcoming.  Being the new person can be lonely.

Lessons Learned,Life

Things I’ve Learned The Hard Way

posted on : September 20, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Here is a list of some of the things I’ve learned along the way, and some of them the hard way:

1)  Yelling at someone never accomplishes anything positive, but controlling my temper does.

2)  Sometimes I do my best and it’s not good enough.  Often God will make up the difference but sometimes people need to recognize it was my best and let it go.

3)  Sometimes I’m the one who needs to recognize it was someone’s best effort and let it go.

4)  Often I want life to be easier but anything worth having takes a lot of work, and that includes raising a family.

5)  Don’t worry about the small things because they are small things.

6)  Taking the long view always pays off.

7)  When I’m feeling grumpy and snap at people it’s usually myself I’m upset with. Recognizing this allows me to take a step back and make adjustments.

8)  When I’ve mastered bad habits it’s easy to slide back if I’m not vigilant.

9)  People I love get to make their own choices and all I can do is love them, but it doesn’t mean I have to like their choices.

10)  It’s better to listen to understand others instead of telling them how they should think/act/be.

11)  Input from others is good but the bigger the group the harder it is to decide something.

12)  Fair does not mean equal-each of my children get what they need and it’s not always the same or even the same amount as another one of my children.

13)  It took me a long time to figure out but I have no control over anyone but myself and even that’s iffy sometimes.

Since I have learned these things and have applied them in my life I have been happier and life has gone better. But, and this is number fourteen-

14)  Even if I am doing my best to live a good life, being kind to others and keeping the commandments I will still have challenges and problems.  The only way to deal with life and be happy is through Jesus Christ and His grace.

 

 

Lessons Learned

Hidden Treasures

posted on : September 17, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

My mom is a not-so-great cook.  She’s told me she doesn’t like cooking, and it’s not intuitive to her.  It’s a task to be done and not something she enjoys. Growing up I loved to eat at other people’s houses because their food had a lot of flavor, and I would come home raving about the food.  She patiently ignored me and I don’t know if she felt bad about my comments.  On the other hand, I have always loved to cook.  As a kid I read cookbooks like novels.  I got a feel for what spices and herbs went with what meats and vegetables. To me, cooking is a pleasure and an art and something I thoroughly enjoy.

After my parents divorced my mom went back to work and she eventually went back to school full-time too. But, before my parents divorced, my mom usually made us breakfast.  We often had Cream of Wheat and no matter how she tried she couldn’t make it without lumps in it.  Not just little lumps but some pretty big ones too.  She called them “hidden treasures” and for a long time I thought that was how it was supposed to be made.  They were chewy lumps that surprisingly added something to the hot cereal.  I have thought over the years about how she made Cream of Wheat with lumps in it, but somehow made it an adventure to eat it by calling it hidden treasures.  Kind of like turning lemons into lemonade.

There’s a lot of things in life that I’m not great at doing or that for some reason don’t turn out right.  There are some talents that I will never have but will have to do anyway, just like my mom had to cook for us.  The lesson of the “hidden treasures” shows me that I can make these situations an adventure that can make life more fun.  I too can turn lemons into lemonade because sometimes the lumps are going to be there no matter what I do so I might as well enjoy them.  The funny thing is that even though I can easily make Cream of Wheat without any lumps at all, I kind of miss those hidden treasures.

 

Lessons Learned

Dream Big, Work Hard

posted on : September 13, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When I was in my early 20’s I saw a sign that said “A Dreamer Lives Forever” and I thought it was a great saying.  I did little doodles with this saying and put them on my wall, and I felt it was profound. Currently there are similar signs that say things like “Dream Big” or “Live Your Dreams” and other similar thoughts, but now I think the sayings are a little incomplete.  Dreaming is only one part of the equation.  Without work or effort dreams amounts to very little, as well as efforts without dreams also don’t mean much.  Thomas S. Monson had a saying that I particularly like, from a talk he gave in 1989. “Vision without effort is daydreaming, effort without vision is drudgery; but vision, coupled with effort, will obtain the prize.”  I like this saying because there was a time when it seemed that all I did was work, work, work!  I was always tired and it felt like my life was drudgery as I went from one thing to the next.  When I read this quote I realized what was missing: vision.  I was working hard without a vision of why I was expending so much effort.  I did some pondering about why I was working so hard, raising my children and keeping up my home, trying to be a good wife and a good person.  I thought about what my purpose was not only as a wife and mother but as a person and a child of God.  I thought about why I was here on this earth and basically, what my goals in life were.  It took me a while but slowly I started to look at things differently.  I’d like to say that all the hard work went away but it didn’t and sometimes I didn’t keep my vision in the forefront of my thinking so sometimes it still seemed like drudgery. But my attitude and thinking did improve and at least I knew why I was doing all that hard work.  Over the years I have gotten better at keeping my vision, my goals in my mind.  Even now, with only one child at home, when life is easier, I still need to have vision and goals.  I still need to know why I’m doing what I’m doing.  Dreaming is good, and combining it with effort will win the prize.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/06/finishers-wanted?lang=eng