Children,Family,Friendship,Life

Happy Birthday Dear Daughter

posted on : January 11, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 10 Comments

When my oldest daughter was a toddler she was a hand full at church. To help keep her quiet and entertained, my husband would take his silk handkerchief that matched his tie (an 80’s thing) and roll and fold it in such a way that it looked like a canoe with “babies” in it. He would rock it between his hands and she would sit quietly and play with it. One time at church he forgot to wear his handkerchief and as we were listening to the speaker my daughter started looking through his pockets, moving his tie around and getting in his face. Since she was being quiet we didn’t think too much about it until she loudly shouted, “Where’s that little thing you use to make babies with daddy.” That quickly got our attention, especially as the people in the pews around us started laughing. We immediately put our heads down in deep embarrassment and explained that daddy forgot to bring it. Of course we laugh about it now! When she was a little older, she and her sister opened a 20 lb bag of flour and had a “snow” fight. When I found them, all I could see were two white faces with big eyes looking at me. That was a huge mess to clean up! Another time she and this same sister blocked off the bottom of the door of the bathroom with towels and filled the floor full of water to make an indoor slip and slide. I was downstairs doing laundry when I saw water pouring down from the ceiling. I ran up stairs and found 2 girls having great fun. I was amazed at their creativity but not amused with the damaged ceiling. One time I found my electric skillet in her bath tub with dried up food in it. It turns out that she and her partner in crime (this same sister) would take my electric skillet into their bedroom and cook things when they were supposed to be asleep. All of these things were basically harmless but they kept me really busy because what one daughter didn’t think to do the other one did. Of course there were a few things that weren’t so harmless like when she let her 14 year sister take her car and drive around with some friends. We were really lucky no one was hurt with that escapade. The years have passed and now this same daughter just celebrated her 33rd birthday. She has grown into a compassionate, thoughtful person who champions the underdog (humans and animals alike!). She has this knack for reaching out to others and becoming friends with them, and still keeps in contact with high school friends. When she is your friend you will have a friend for life. She will always have your back and she tries harder than anyone else I know to improve herself. She cares about her family and reaches out to build relationships. She is an amazing person who brightens our lives. In spite of all of her antics, I am glad she’s my daughter. Happy Birthday!

Faith,Life

The Woman With Three Hairs

posted on : January 2, 2019 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

Recently I heard a delightful story in a talk at church. The story told of a woman who awoke one morning and only had three hairs. She looked into the mirror and said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today,” and went happily on her way. The following morning she awoke and only had two hairs. “Today I will part my hair,” she stated and again went happily on her way. The next morning she awoke and only had one hair left. “I think I will wear my hair in a pony tail today,” she said and of course went happily on her way. The fourth morning she awoke and had no hair at all on her head. “How lucky am I,” she said. “I don’t have to do my hair today.” Needless to say, she went happily on her way.

What a great illustration of looking someone looking at what she has instead of dwelling on what she didn’t have, and of making the best of a not-so-good situation. Each of us have not-so-good situations in life. Some of them easy so we can be like the woman in this story, although being bald would not be easy! Other times our challenges can be very difficult and it’s hard to focus on the positive. In the Book of Mormon we read of a group of people who were being persecuted and having difficulty bearing their afflictions. Through prayer they received help. The burdens weren’t removed but the people were strengthened to bear them with ease. In Mosiah 24:15 we read that they did “bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” I think being cheerful, especially in difficulties, is another way of expressing faith and something I need to do better in. When I’m in the midst of a terrible migraine I find it difficult to be cheerful and sometimes I settle for pleasant. Often I’m not even close to pleasant and just have to grit my teeth and endure. Sometimes I find it hard not to be frantic with pain wondering how I’m going to survive. Even though I know the pain will eventually end it’s so hard to be patient and endure it. I truly admire people who are cheerful and look at what they have without dwelling on what’s not right in their lives. The story in Mosiah gives me something to shoot for: patiently and cheerfully submitting to the will of the Lord and looking for ways that He has strengthened me to endure this affliction easier. I hope that a year from now I can say that I have increased my ability to be cheerful, despite my circumstances, and thus more faithful. It should be easy. After all, I have more than three hairs on my head.

Family,Lessons Learned

The Key to Happiness

posted on : December 26, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Another Christmas has come and gone and the years seem to be flying by. It wasn’t that long ago that I had little children who brought the wonder and excitement of Christmas into our home. Most of my children are adults now and I recently asked them what some of their favorite Christmas memories are. Most of them said that they loved doing Angel Tree or Sub for Santa projects, and they talked about the different projects our family did through the years. They even said it still brings them joy in thinking about the projects, and the happiness they brought to others. It’s interesting that they don’t really remember most of their gifts but they remember the service that we did. This is one of my favorite things about Christmas. It seems that so many reach out in service to others that it brings a joyful feeling into life, something almost tangible in the air. One of the reasons I like Christmas is because it gives people an opportunity to think of others, to reach out and serve. I like reading about the kind and wonderful things that people do for others. Recently I read a magazine article in Reader’s Digest that asked people how they find meaning or purpose in their lives. One of the replies that really stood out to me was from a man who said that he and his wife were having arguments about fair division of labor at home. He heard a sermon at church that talked about the benefits of serving others and he challenged himself to serve his wife every day for a month. He wrote about all of the little things he did around the house without thinking about who’s turn it was or who made the mess. He stated, “At the end of the month, I found that our life was happier, more contented, more intimate. I kept it up and more than won the lottery. We have been married for 30 years and look forward to many more” (Daniel Townsend, December 2018/January 2019, p. 31). This man found the key to happiness that many philosophers and church leaders have written about. When we serve others we are happier and often our own problems are put into perspective or diminish. Many people are searching for happiness and there are so many people who need help in this world. So this Christmas, give yourself a gift. Decide and follow through to volunteer at a school, at a hospital. Visit people in nursing homes or who are home bound. Help refugees, stock selves at food pantries or contact your local community service organization. Write a letter, make a phone call, send a text. There are so many ways to serve, and not only will you bless the lives of others, but you will be happier yourself. You will discover the key to happiness.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/i-was-a-stranger?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/finding-joy-through-loving-service?lang=eng

Faith,Friendship,Lessons Learned

Cheerfully Enduring to the End

posted on : December 18, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A friend of mine recently died.  She had Multiple Sclerosis for many years and had been in a wheel chair and then bed ridden for the past 15 years.  She had lots to complain about and yet whenever I would see her in a store in a wheelchair she was cheerful and fun to chat with. During our conversations you would never think she had any problems at all, let alone a failing body.  To me she was the best example of cheerfully enduring to the end, focusing on others and looking for the good.  Years ago she was my Visiting Teacher and she told me a story about her mother and prayer.  My friend’s eight year old son was being baptized and she really wanted her mother to attend the baptism.  Her mother was not a member of our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) but my friend wanted to share the experience with her.  Since her mother did not want to participate in it, she decided to pray about it.  She prayed for several weeks that her mother would be able to attend the baptism, and then my friend was in a car accident.  She wasn’t seriously hurt but because of the multiple sclerosis she had to have some help so her mother came to stay with her to help her recover. This accident occurred shortly before the baptism of her son and so her mother was in town and attended it.  My faithful friend testified to me of the power of prayer and that God always answers our prayers even if in unexpected ways.  This story says as much about her as it does about the power of prayer.  I know she relied on prayer and her faith in Jesus Christ until the end of her life, especially when she was bedridden and struggled with bedsores and pain.  She showed grace in her trials and acceptance of God’s will, and as I struggle with migraines and other situations in my life I am grateful for her example of faith and cheerfully enduring to the end.  Hers was a life well lived.

Husband

Love and Two Dust Pans

posted on : December 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

This is going to seem like a funny thing to write about, but recently my husband came home with two metal dust pans that are extra wide.  I had been complaining that my nice, metal dust pan had disappeared and the one I was using was cracked and floppy.  With a lot of people going through my house I sweep a lot.  Every time I pulled out my broom and floppy dust pan I grumbled inwardly because my really good, nice dust pan was gone. Every time I swept leaves off our driveway I grumbled because my nice, metal dust pan was gone. I had searched for it but couldn’t find it anywhere, and I had really tried to find it too.  I looked for a new one at a few stores but the metal ones are only available at a hardware store, and I hadn’t been to one yet.  So when he walked into the house and presented me with the dust pans, one for the house and one for the garage, I was super excited.  Even though there was not a jewel in sight, this was one of the nicest gifts he’s ever given me.  This was a very thoughtful gift because in some ways it wasn’t really about the dust pans.  The real gift he gave me was that he listened to me and heard what I was saying.  Then he did something about it.  He went out of his way to buy them and then bought not one but two.  So every time I sweep my floors or my driveway I think of his thoughtfulness and love and I feel warm inside. Every time I see them hanging on their hooks I think of him and feel a deeper love.  So in some ways he really gave me two gifts, the dust pans and listening to me.  The funny thing is that listening to me didn’t cost anything and he didn’t have to go out of his way to do it.  Listening to me only took a few moments of his time.  Listening to me was a simple act of love and the best gift of all!

Lessons Learned

The Parable of Bread Pudding

posted on : December 7, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Many years ago I had a half a loaf of french bread and I thought I would make some bread pudding with it.  I had heard of bread pudding but I had never eaten it before or had even seen it so I thought this would be a new, fun adventure.  I found a recipe and went to work.  When I got to the part of the recipe where it referred to the bread, it was only one cup of cut up bread pieces.  I thought that wasn’t very much so it had to be packed bread.  I crammed as much bread as I could into the measuring cup and proceeded to make the bread.  It came out more like bread brick pudding but I never had it before so I didn’t know the difference.  I thought it was a little “thick” and couldn’t figure out why it was called a pudding when it was more like a loaf of bread.  My family ate it and I continued to make bread pudding occasionally. Then one time I had it for dessert in a restaurant.  It was creamy, pudding-like and delicious.  Nothing even close to a brick.  It was at this point that I obviously discovered that for years I had been making bread pudding wrong, very wrong.  So I tried it without packing the bread into the measuring cup.  It was light and pudding-like and delicious.

I have discovered that life’s like that.  Sometimes it takes someone showing me a better way, the correct way to get the results I want. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing something the wrong way, that there is a better way.  Of course I have to laugh at myself when I find out I could have been doing something different or easier or better all along.  This also reminds me of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the many times I’ve done something my way, out of ignorance or even willful disobedience, when His way is so much better.  When I “kick against the pricks” of conscience because I want to do something my way.  This reminds me that when I’m finally ready to listen to Him and discover my way is so lacking and His way is so much better.  And I finally discover that doing something my way just produces a bread pudding brick.  And of course once I have tasted of His better way,  just like the creamy bread pudding, I want to do it His way.  The parable of the bread pudding teaches me to not settle for bricks.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/yielding-our-hearts-to-god?lang=eng

Church,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

A Love For The Scriptures

posted on : November 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I grew up in California and we had early morning church classes called seminary to attend.  I am not an early morning person and rarely attended the classes.  Since I didn’t go very often I didn’t graduate from seminary. Not only that but I was so busy with classes and life while in college, I didn’t make reading my scriptures and studying the gospel the priority it should have been.  I did have religion classes and did the course work but it wasn’t a whole-hearted effort. Then of course I found out what busy really was as a mother with lots of children.  I rarely found time to read and study the scriptures unless I had a class to teach at church.  Unfortunately I didn’t really start studying the scriptures and the gospel until I was in my early 40’s.  I still had lots of children to care for and migraines to deal with so what made the difference?  I had a dear friend who loved the scriptures.  She loved to study the words of the prophets and ponder on the meanings of them.  She thoroughly enjoyed exploring the scriptures and the doctrines of the gospel, and she took great joy in them!  She demonstrated a zest and love for the gospel and I wanted to have the same love and feelings for the scriptures that she did.  I wanted to be able to apply the teaching of the scriptures to my life too.  I wanted to have the scriptural knowledge that she had.  She inspired me and so I began a journey into gospel learning that has greatly blessed and influenced my life for good.  In the last 20 years, as I have studied the scriptures and the words of the prophets, my knowledge and gospel confidence has increased greatly.  As I have applied the teachings of the gospel in my life I have been greatly enriched.  Her example influenced me and created a yearning in my heart to truly love the scriptures.

Recently there have been changes in church procedures announced. We now have before us in the church a refocus on home centered gospel teaching, supported by teaching in classes at church.  Lately during church classes I have listened to many women express their concerns about being able to adequately teach their children the gospel in their homes. They feel pressure to help their children learn the scriptures and gospel doctrines, and help them acquire testimonies.  Even though I no longer have young children in my home I remember the same feelings and the urgency I felt at helping my children to know the scriptures. Because of that we made sure we did family scriptures and prayer nightly, and Family Home Evening weekly.  We always had the mechanics of it in place but sometimes I treated it as an ordeal to get through rather than a joyful thing. I spent too much time trying to endure the process of reading the scriptures with my children rather than just enjoying the time learning together.  Now I can see that if I had transmitted my love for the scriptures and gospel learning as a joyful blessing instead of an ordeal that perhaps my children would have sensed my love for the scriptures and wanted that same love for them in their lives. Treating scripture time as an opportunity and joyful thing would have taught just as much as the actual reading of them.  It would have taught that scriptures are a thing to be treasured and that reading them brings joy into your lives. If I had any advice for parents who are concerned about the refocus on home centered learning it would be to love the scriptures yourself and just enjoy the learning and teaching time with your family. Your children will see the blessings in your life from scripture study and gospel learning and want the same blessings in their lives, even though it may not be until they are a little older.

I think of my friend and her influence on me and how I wanted the same experiences she had, I wanted to love the scriptures like she did.  Her example changed my life forever.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/deep-and-lasting-conversion-to-heavenly-father-and-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/with-all-the-feeling-of-a-tender-parent-a-message-of-hope-to-families?lang=eng

 

 

Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

Grateful For Prayer

posted on : November 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago my husband was driving down a street in our community in his pickup truck towing a heavy load.  As he was driving along he had the words come strongly to him “Stop Now!” and so he slammed on his brakes.  Just then 2 little girls on bikes came racing out into the road, rounded the corner and obliviously pedaled away.  He told me that if he had not listened there was no way he could have stopped in time with the heavy load he was towing, and he was sure he would have run over those little girls.  He was very emotional and upset while telling me of this incident.  The little girls on the bikes however were totally unaware that their lives had been in danger.  They rode off having fun together and went home to parents who were also unaware that their daughters had been in grave danger.  I have thought about this a lot over the years.  Those girls probably had parents who prayed for their children’s safety each day and didn’t know that on this particular day their prayers had been amazingly answered. I also pray for my children every day.  I pray for the blessings they need, for their safety, for their happiness.  Because of this situation I have wondered how many times my prayers have been answered without me being aware of it.  I have wondered how many times my children have been watched over and cared for without my knowledge. And from this I can suppose that there are other ways my prayers are answered too that I am oblivious about.  Perhaps part of having faith is trusting that God will answer my prayers whether I know it or not, and knowing that my prayers are not always answered the way I want.  My faith is strengthened through prayer and receiving my Father Heaven’s help, not always in the way or time I expect it.  As I have gotten older I have come to depend more on prayer and realize more of it’s importance.  This Thanksgiving Season I am particularly grateful for the opportunity I have to pray to a loving Heavenly Father and to know He hears and answers my prayers, even when I am unaware of it.  I am grateful to feel the power of prayer in my life and to have the source of strength and comfort it offers.  I am thankful for prayer.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-souls-sincere-desire?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/pray-always?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Finding Comfort During Migraines

posted on : November 13, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Last week I wrote about migraines and how they have plagued my life for over 40 years.  I also wrote about a 6 year time frame where I had migraines almost every day, most of them excruciating and so bad I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep on living.  Several months into this time frame I had an experience that helped me cope a little more with the situation.  It didn’t help with the pain or lessen it but it did give me a new perspective.  I had a migraine and was sitting in church at a funeral of a neighbor, and the speaker was talking about the scripture of how God has told us He will not leave us comfortless during our hard times.  I felt so forsaken as I sat there in great pain.  I was silently crying to myself and thought “You have left me comfortless.”  Immediately I had the thought come to my mind “I blessed you with a love for church music to help you through this time.”  I thought of how I have always loved to sing church hymns.  Even as a little girl I would go around the house singing them as loudly as I could.  I walked home from school every day singing Primary songs.  I joined the Ward Choir when I was 12 and was a dedicated member until I left for college where I also joined the choirs of the various wards I was in. As a teenager when I was bored in church I would read the words of the hymns and sing the songs in my mind. The words somehow filled me with comfort and peace as well as teaching me doctrine, and they sank deeply into my soul.  By doing this I ended up memorizing many of the hymns.  When I had severe migraines I would lie in bed or sit in the hot water of a shower and sing the hymns that I had inadvertently memorized. Sometimes when it hurt too much to sing out loud I would sing the words in my mind.  I felt comfort and my Heavenly Father’s love as I focused on the words and music of the songs.  At this funeral when I had this thought about being blessed with a love for church music I instantly felt humbled and chastened.  It taught me that for some reason that this was part of my Heavenly Father’s plan for me. It also taught me that He knew me and knew about my pain and the hardship I was enduring.  It taught me that He had prepared and strengthened me to be able to endure this affliction. It also taught me to look for the ways my Heavenly Father has quietly blessed my life to deal with the difficulties and challenges that I personally face.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/04/finding-a-safe-harbor?lang=eng

 

Life

Migraines and Survival

posted on : November 9, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have been struggling this week with migraines which is why I haven’t posted something sooner.  This plague has been part of my life for over 40 years.  Sometimes I wonder how I have survived them so long because some of them have been so horrendous, that when I was in the midst of them I didn’t want to be alive anymore.  I have been to every kind of doctor to try to rid myself of this affliction, tried every kind of treatment and have prayed with faith and desperation. Yet, I still have them. After many prayers in which I pleaded for understanding, I received an answer as to why I have this terrible trial in my life.  The answer that came was so that I would need God. The answer was humbling and yet unsatisfactory. Wasn’t there some other way?  In fact it seemed like there were many other ways in which I needed my Father in Heaven.  I have many children with difficult challenges which I prayed and worried about. We’ve had financial challenges through the years and just normal life situations. All through these I have prayed fervently for help.  I also try to be diligent in scripture reading and saying my prayers and fulfilling my callings.  It seems to me I try really hard to be a good person and yet, I still have these awful migraines. No matter what I do, lurking in the background is the fear that I will have a migraine and spoil yet another family outing or that I won’t be able to measure up in some way.  I absolutely hate that these control my life. One particularly dark time started when my youngest child was almost 2 and my oldest was 17. For the next 6 years I had severe migraines every day and I lived in survival mode.  It was during this time I sought every doctor and treatment I could find and nothing helped.  I thought about dying because I thought that if my life offered me nothing but pain in the future, what was there to live for.  I thought about dying because I wasn’t useful to anyone.  I thought about dying because I hurt so much that I was existing and not really living.

Migraines obviously affected my family as well as myself.  Sometimes I would lie in bed knowing I children who needed me, a household to run and a life to live.  I wanted to be able to volunteer at my children’s schools and I wanted to fulfill church responsibilities.  I wanted to be reliable and I wanted to be free of pain.  I really wanted most of all to be a good wife and mother, and I couldn’t do any of these things.  Most days I was lucky if I could do some laundry and put something in the crock pot so my family would have dinner. During those 6 years, and in subsequent years I did learn many things to help me get through those dark days.  In future posts I will write some of the things I found helpful.  Maybe they will be helpful to you too as you deal with whatever is painful in your life.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/wounded?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/god-shall-wipe-away-all-tears?lang=eng