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Category: Life

Lessons Learned,Life

Dream Job

posted on : June 25, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My husband absolutely loves his profession and he is lucky to have his dream job.  He likes being able to make a difference in the lives of others and the creativity he is able to express. He enjoys working with great people and learning from them.  But even with his dream job there are things he has to do that he doesn’t like.  He doesn’t like itemizing and submitting for reimbursement because it’s tedious and takes time away from what he really likes to do.  He also doesn’t like sitting in long meetings, traveling away from home so much, and the long hours the job sometimes requires.  Even with all of that he will tell you he loves his job.  I love my job as homemaker and mother.  I enjoy the freedom to plan my own day, to be able to help in my kid’s schools (only one left now), to take my kids to the park and the pool when they were younger, and to have time to make curtains and shop for home decor, to read with my kids (now grandkids), do family history and others such things.  I love planning fun parties to celebrate great moments in our family.  I love to decorate!  Those are some of the things I love and have the freedom to do but even with those things there are a lot of things I don’t like about being a homemaker and even sometimes a mother.  It’s hard to never quite get enough sleep, I dislike paying bills and balancing the checkbook, I don’t like to change bedding and I don’t like yard work.  It’s hard to always do everything with your children in mind-what time will they be home, where do they have to be and what do they need, and since I still have one at home I still have to do that.  Even with all of that I would tell you I have a great job. I love being a homemaker and a mother.  In talking with other people I have learned that no matter what job you have there will be things you like about it and things you don’t like about it.  Of course, if the things you don’t like are greater than the things you do like you may need to be in a different job.  Sometimes we enter a job or profession or even parenthood without realizing that there will be things we don’t like about it.  There are no perfect, stress-free, hassle-free, problem-less jobs.  Figuring that out allowed me to be happy doing what I was doing, and when there were problems, not focusing on the thought that if I was working out of my home I would be happier.  Really, no matter what or where I work there will be things I like and don’t like about what I’m doing, even a dream job.

Faith,Lessons Learned,Life

I Get It

posted on : May 21, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

For many years I have wondered why I haven’t been able to forget the many sins and things that I’ve done wrong in my life and have repented of.  They come back to haunt me and I feel devastated that I did those wrong things and I end up with negative self talk, thoughts and generally feeling badly about myself.  I really just want to forget that I did those wrong things.  But, as I have thought about it, I have decided that remembering them is good for at least three reasons. One, it gives me understanding and empathy for those who are struggling as they are trying to change, and even for those who are not trying to change.  I get it, and I see how easily it is to fool ourselves into wrong behavior and then continue in the wrong behavior because it seems there’s no hope now.  I get how hard it is to change and leave old behaviors behind as I struggle forward in hopes of becoming more Christ like. I understand the lure of the world and how things seem good and fun and desirable.  I get what Nephi meant when he said in 2 Nephi 4:18 “I am encompassed about, because of the many temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.” I am so very weak and so easily beset by sins and so easily stray off the path.  So even though I would like to forget the things I’ve done wrong, I am a more compassionate person because I remember.  Another reason I think it is good for me to remember the things I’ve done wrong in my life is that it helps me be less judgmental.  If I didn’t remember, it would be so easy to say about another person’s behaviors, “well, I would never do that” or “that person is an awful/bad/terrible person.”  Remembering allows me to separate the behavior from the person and to understand how easy it is to do wrong things, and helps me be less judgmental. It allows me to see another person as a human being who is weak and struggling, like me.  And finally, I also think that remembering the things I have done wrong acts as a barrier to prevent me from doing those wrongs and sins again.  I remember the pain I felt at the recognition of those sins being wrong and the struggle to overcome them through repentance. It is in the remembering of the shame and sorrow of having done those wrong things that helps to prevent me from making the same mistakes again, it helps me to get it. So even though I would love to forget the things I’ve done wrong I can see the wisdom in allowing me to remember, it allows me to get it.

Lessons Learned,Life

Choices and Possibilities

posted on : April 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I received two Masters Degrees, one in Social Work and the other in Marriage and Family Therapy.  After I married and started having children I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and was glad to be there with my children but in the back of my mind I always thought that some day I would go back to work, and maybe even go back to school.  Turns out I really didn’t like Social Work in a clinical setting but because I have good organizational skills and wanted to help people I thought I would be good at doing something like organizing a soup kitchen or a refugee center or something similar.  I also have other interests such as children’s literature and geology, and I spent a lot of time thinking about the skills and abilities I have along with my interests and wondered what I would do when my children were older. I thought about it over the course of several years and I never could pin it down.  I just couldn’t come to any decision and the more I thought about it the more confused I became.  There were so many choices, so many possibilities, and over time I started thinking about it more and more and it really started to bother me.  I wanted to figure it out because I hate loose ends and because I wanted to have something I was working towards, and I wanted to have my future planned out.  But I just couldn’t decide and then one day it occurred to me that this was, as the scriptures say, a stupor of thought.  I couldn’t decide because none of it was right for me. This realization was startling and created a different focus on my future.  I would never go back to work or school because for some reason that wasn’t the right path for me and maybe I would do a mission or service of some kind or something else totally different.  Once I figured all of this out I quit worrying about it because it didn’t matter anymore.  And even though I like having my future figured out I am content knowing there is a path for me.  Now, if I could just figure out what that is…

Children,Faith,Life

Perfection Pending

posted on : April 26, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A week after one of my sons was baptized, when he was eight years old, he came to me in tears.  He said “I just can’t do it.  I’ve tried and tried but I can’t be perfect.”  He was very serious and crying because he thought that all was lost.  He said that he had tried all week-long and just couldn’t be perfect. It gave me a wonderful opportunity to explain about the atonement of Jesus Christ and sincere repentance and grace and how they work in our lives.  God knew that despite our best efforts and intentions that we would make mistakes and we would sin.  He lovingly provided a way for us to overcome these mistakes and sins through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  And the atonement of Jesus Christ not only gives us opportunity to repent of sins but also give us strength and help during that process and during the process of life as we try to overcome ourselves.  David O. McKay, a great prophet, once said “The purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to make bad men good and good men better.”  The Gospel, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, helps me to be better and do better.

Lessons Learned,Life

Motorcycles and Life

posted on : April 2, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago I had a friend who rode his motorcycle from Minnesota to Provo, Utah to go to school at BYU.  He did it to save money on gas and to get his bike to school, and he said that while he was driving to school no matter what was going on he had to stay on the bike. He rode in rain, wind, heat as well as pleasant weather. He rode when cars passed him and splashed water or mud on him.  He rode when his body was stiff and sore and he was tired of sitting on the bike, and when he wanted to sightsee.  His goal was to get to school in a certain time frame so he had to keep on riding no matter what.  Obviously I have thought about that over the years and how it compares to life, and even though I don’t have the same time crunch, I really need to keep on going no matter the circumstances, no matter what life throws at me.  Of course sometimes it’s a pleasant ride and life seems good. But sometimes life is hard and I would like to curl up in a ball and hide until it’s all better. Sometimes it’s not going to get better soon, so I need to remember my goals and where I am going, I need to keep making good choices and loving people, I need to stay on the bike.

 

 

Life

Doing What I’m Suppose To Be Doing

posted on : March 29, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I went to graduate school with some amazing women.  Since we have graduated over 30 years ago these women have done great things in the world to make it a better place for others.  After graduating one of them started the Families in Crisis Center in our area and later she went to Law School and combined the two degrees to become an international expert on adoptions and helped countries write their adoption policies.  She became a professor at an university and took students to Africa every summer to help the people on that continent.  Another of the women I went to school with went on to get her PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and worked with  LDS Social Services to help developing countries set up their foster care systems.  Later she became the vice president of student life at an university helping many people succeed in college life.  Both of these women were my good friends in grad school and I admire and respect them greatly.  After grad school I worked for a short while, got married and started having children and became a stay-at-home-mom.  Sometimes when I looked at the accomplishments and the good these two women have done, about 2% of me feels a little sad and disappointed in myself for not doing great and wonderful things to make the world a better place. But at the same time, there’s a quiet voice that reassures me that I’m doing what I’m suppose to be doing.  I have learned that there are different ways to make the world a better place, some grand and on a large scale and others on a much smaller scale such as quietly serving my family and neighborhood.  All contribute to a better world. Overall, I have been content with my place in the universe.

Church,Faith,Life

Tithing

posted on : February 17, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When I was a young child my mother was a stay-at-home mom, and she was an active member of our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  She wanted to follow the commandment to pay tithing but my dad was dead set against it.  When they had married she didn’t even know he was actually a member of the church which means he was obviously very inactive.  She had later met the missionaries when they were going door-to-door and was almost instantly converted.  She would have loved for my dad to have become active but he was totally against the church.  In those days men often controlled the money and gave their wives a set amount from which to run the family and household, and in my family’s case this is what happened.  She wanted to be obedient to the commandment and she also wanted the blessings that come from paying tithing so unbeknownst to my dad, she paid it on the household money he gave her. Later, after they were divorced and she was only earning minimum wage to support her kids while going to school (they didn’t have the deadbeat parent laws then and for some reason my dad didn’t feel it was necessary to pay child support), she often said that the only reason we made it was because she paid her tithing.  President Gordon B. Hinckley said “Tithing is a matter of faith, not finance” and my mom believed this was a true principle because on the very little money she earned to support a family of six she still paid her tithing faithfully. In my life I have also seen the blessings that come from paying tithing, especially when I was a very poor student at BYU.  I had very little money but I always had what I needed and I believe it was because I paid my tithing.  Tithing is a matter of faith, not finance!

Friendship,Lessons Learned,Life

Talents

posted on : February 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Several years ago I was pondering the many talents that people have, the vast majority of which I do not have.  I thought of a friend who was very musical and thought I would love to be able to play a musical instrument or sing really well.  I thought of people who were artistic, who were excellent teachers or who were really good listeners, and then there are people who are mechanical and good with technology. There are people who are really good gardeners and people who can fix just about anything.  I can’t draw and I am horrible with mechanical things and I definitely can’t think of anyone who would ever have me fix something for them.  The list of talents that I don’t have goes on and on.  As I sat there feeling slightly sorry for myself and pondering why I couldn’t have any or all of those talents the thought came to me “because then you wouldn’t need anyone else.”  Another eye-opener!  We are taught in the scriptures that talents and spiritual gifts are to be used to bless the lives of others and I have definitely been blessed by other people’s talents.

Children,Husband,Life

Desert Cows

posted on : February 1, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Many years ago, in an effort to be more providential, I decided I would use our powdered milk from our food storage instead of letting it go to waste which I had been doing.  It was a hassle to mix it and I didn’t like the taste of it so I had rarely used it. Through experimenting I did find that if I mixed it up at night and it got really cold and used it on cereal it was passable, and actually hard to tell it wasn’t fresh.  Even at that some of my kids didn’t want to try it.  So one night my husband was mixing up the powdered milk and he told the kids that this milk came from desert cows and that’s why it was dry and we had to add water to it.  He explained that there’s not very much water in the desert for the cows to drink so it came out powdery, and of course he was just having fun with our kids not thinking anyone would really believe him.   Well, our kids were fascinated by this and the next day my then 5-year-old said to me “mom, I want some of that desert milk” and then everyone else wanted to try it too.  After that the kids started calling it desert milk which made it a lot more fun than calling it powdered milk.  Seems like a little humor and creativity made even powdered milk something desirable.

Life

My Mother-in-law, addendum

posted on : January 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

My dear, faithful mother-in-law died on Christmas morning.  This patient, long-suffering woman finally got to go home to be with her beloved husband and parents.  She so wanted to die and we wanted her to be relieved of her suffering so much so that it was hard to be sad at her passing and yet she has left a giant hole in our family.  We pass by her bedroom door and feel the pang of her absence.  We walk into the house and automatically think to check on her.  It’s lunch time and I have to remind myself that she not here to fix lunch for.  It’s not just her physical absence but also her example of cheerfully enduring her situation and rising above her circumstances by deciding to be pleasant no matter what.  We never left her room without receiving a thank you. When people visited her she focused on them, and she sang songs with my youngest every night.  We miss her optimism, her implicit faith and prayers in our behalf, I guess…we just miss her.