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Category: Life

Life

Migraines and Survival

posted on : November 9, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have been struggling this week with migraines which is why I haven’t posted something sooner.  This plague has been part of my life for over 40 years.  Sometimes I wonder how I have survived them so long because some of them have been so horrendous, that when I was in the midst of them I didn’t want to be alive anymore.  I have been to every kind of doctor to try to rid myself of this affliction, tried every kind of treatment and have prayed with faith and desperation. Yet, I still have them. After many prayers in which I pleaded for understanding, I received an answer as to why I have this terrible trial in my life.  The answer that came was so that I would need God. The answer was humbling and yet unsatisfactory. Wasn’t there some other way?  In fact it seemed like there were many other ways in which I needed my Father in Heaven.  I have many children with difficult challenges which I prayed and worried about. We’ve had financial challenges through the years and just normal life situations. All through these I have prayed fervently for help.  I also try to be diligent in scripture reading and saying my prayers and fulfilling my callings.  It seems to me I try really hard to be a good person and yet, I still have these awful migraines. No matter what I do, lurking in the background is the fear that I will have a migraine and spoil yet another family outing or that I won’t be able to measure up in some way.  I absolutely hate that these control my life. One particularly dark time started when my youngest child was almost 2 and my oldest was 17. For the next 6 years I had severe migraines every day and I lived in survival mode.  It was during this time I sought every doctor and treatment I could find and nothing helped.  I thought about dying because I thought that if my life offered me nothing but pain in the future, what was there to live for.  I thought about dying because I wasn’t useful to anyone.  I thought about dying because I hurt so much that I was existing and not really living.

Migraines obviously affected my family as well as myself.  Sometimes I would lie in bed knowing I children who needed me, a household to run and a life to live.  I wanted to be able to volunteer at my children’s schools and I wanted to fulfill church responsibilities.  I wanted to be reliable and I wanted to be free of pain.  I really wanted most of all to be a good wife and mother, and I couldn’t do any of these things.  Most days I was lucky if I could do some laundry and put something in the crock pot so my family would have dinner. During those 6 years, and in subsequent years I did learn many things to help me get through those dark days.  In future posts I will write some of the things I found helpful.  Maybe they will be helpful to you too as you deal with whatever is painful in your life.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/wounded?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/god-shall-wipe-away-all-tears?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Making Me Something More

posted on : October 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

One of my favorite Bible stories is told in the New Testament of Christ feeding the 5,000.  In Luke we read that Christ had taken his apostles to the desert near the city Bethsaida and when the people heard where He was they followed Him to the desert.  He received them, spent the day teaching them, and as it says in Matthew, had great compassion on them and healed any that had need of healing.  As it got late in the day the apostles were worried and asked Christ to send the people away to find food and lodging. But Christ had something else in mind.  He asked His apostles to feed the people and the apostles replied that they only had 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, not nearly enough for 5,000 people.  Christ had them organize the people into groups and then took the bread and fish and looked to heaven, and blessed it and gave the food to the disciples to set before the multitude.  The people ate and were filled, and the remaining bread and fish filled 12 baskets.  In the Hands of the Savior miracles happen.  And just as Christ took the offered bread and fish and made them more than they were, when we offer to Christ what we have in our time, talents, and abilities He will take them and multiply them and make them more than they were.  In all of the aspects of our lives, in our own personal strivings He will take us where we are and the little we have to offer and make it more than enough, with much left over.  President Thomas S. Monson said “When we qualify ourselves by our worthiness, when we strive with faith nothing wavering to fulfill the duties appointed to us, when we seek the inspiration of the Almighty in the performance of our responsibilities, we can achieve miracles.”  The miracle in this case was the feeding of 5,000 men with their wives and children with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.  The miracle in us happens when we come to Christ and place our lives in His hands, when we trust that He will take us as we are and make us more than we ever thought possible. The amazing thing is that there will be more to us than we started with!  This story teaches me that Christ is a God of miracles, that he is all-knowing and compassionate.  It teaches me that He can, through the redemptive powers of the atonement, take me and fit me for the kingdom of God.  It teaches me that He can take me, with all of my flaws and inabilities and make me something more.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/i-have-a-work-for-thee?lang=eng

Lessons Learned,Life

The Snot On My Face

posted on : September 27, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When one of my daughters was 2 I took her with me to go grocery shopping.  As I was putting her in the grocery cart seat she reached up and touched my face.  I didn’t think anything about that but just went on my way shopping, putting groceries in the cart and of course passing people in the aisles.  After about  30 minutes in the store I went to the checkout where they had mirrors for people to try on sunglasses.  It was at this point while looking in the mirror that I noticed a large piece of snot on my face.  Not just a little piece but a huge piece which my daughter had put on my face when she touched it.  I had gone through the whole store, passing people with a gigantic piece of snot very noticeably on my face.  Of course I was embarrassed and quickly wiped it off.  I wondered how many people had seen me this way while I was oblivious to its presence and I was very mortified. I have thought about this incident during the years and now laugh about it but I have also since wondered about what other obvious problems I have that others can see to which I am oblivious. What do others see that as I walk down the aisles of my life of which I am not aware? Sometimes I can be so unaware of myself, which is often merciful but not productive. Of course every so often I get glimpses in the mirror and see things that I am embarrassed about, things that I know I need to change, to improve upon (having children is a very good mirror!).  And in thinking about it, thank goodness for mirrors that allow me to see myself, the good and the bad.  Without mirrors there would be no growth, no change.  Without periodically really looking at myself I would not notice what I need to be doing differently.  So even though sometimes it can be embarrassing and hard to look in a mirror and see things I don’t like, I am also grateful that they exist for without them I would remain oblivious to the snot on my face.

Lessons Learned,Life

Things I’ve Learned The Hard Way

posted on : September 20, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Here is a list of some of the things I’ve learned along the way, and some of them the hard way:

1)  Yelling at someone never accomplishes anything positive, but controlling my temper does.

2)  Sometimes I do my best and it’s not good enough.  Often God will make up the difference but sometimes people need to recognize it was my best and let it go.

3)  Sometimes I’m the one who needs to recognize it was someone’s best effort and let it go.

4)  Often I want life to be easier but anything worth having takes a lot of work, and that includes raising a family.

5)  Don’t worry about the small things because they are small things.

6)  Taking the long view always pays off.

7)  When I’m feeling grumpy and snap at people it’s usually myself I’m upset with. Recognizing this allows me to take a step back and make adjustments.

8)  When I’ve mastered bad habits it’s easy to slide back if I’m not vigilant.

9)  People I love get to make their own choices and all I can do is love them, but it doesn’t mean I have to like their choices.

10)  It’s better to listen to understand others instead of telling them how they should think/act/be.

11)  Input from others is good but the bigger the group the harder it is to decide something.

12)  Fair does not mean equal-each of my children get what they need and it’s not always the same or even the same amount as another one of my children.

13)  It took me a long time to figure out but I have no control over anyone but myself and even that’s iffy sometimes.

Since I have learned these things and have applied them in my life I have been happier and life has gone better. But, and this is number fourteen-

14)  Even if I am doing my best to live a good life, being kind to others and keeping the commandments I will still have challenges and problems.  The only way to deal with life and be happy is through Jesus Christ and His grace.

 

 

Lessons Learned,Life

How Do I Know God Loves Me?

posted on : July 26, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Recently on a very hot day I had a conversation with one of my daughters in which I said “I know God loves me because of air conditioning.”  Mostly I was trying to be funny, but it got me thinking about the ways that I truly do know that God loves me.  I remember a time a few years ago when I had spent days working in my front flower garden.  It took me many hours to trim, weed, clean out the old and plant new flowers.  When I was finished I stepped back and looked at the amazing display of colors, varieties and textures as well as sizes and shapes.  I felt complete satisfaction and joy at looking at the result of my hard work and in that moment I felt my Heavenly Father’s love for me.  I realized that He didn’t have to make so many varieties of flowers and colors with different shapes and textures but that He made, through His Son Jesus Christ, a beautiful world to please His children and to give them an amazing place to live.  When I looked at those flowers I felt His love, and there are many other ways I also feel His love.  Even though I have an average sort of singing voice, whenever I sing church hymns I also feel it. There’s something about the words and the music that combine to touch me deeply and I recognize that sacred music not only allows me to feel the Spirit but also communicates His love for me.  Sometimes this is a hard concept to not only understand but to feel.  I once had a conversation with someone where we were talking about charity and how it is the pure love of Christ.  We talked about the Relief Society motto “Charity never Faileth” and he expressed the thought that sometimes charity does fail because people aren’t perfect and sometimes let him down. I explained to him that it is God’s love that never fails, not people’s love.  People make mistakes and aren’t even close to perfect but God’s love for us is perfect and it never ends.  I could see from his face that it was a new concept to him.  It doesn’t matter what we do or don’t do, He loves each of us personally and individually.  God shows His love to each of His children in different ways and if we will look for it we will see how He tells each of us individually and personally that He loves us.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/01/young-adults/i-feel-gods-love-when?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Refinement

posted on : July 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

When I was 17 I went with my mother to another state to visit a woman who was my mother’s best friend when they were teenagers.  They did everything together, as best friends do, and they both married very young, at age 16.  My mother eventually moved to another state with her husband and one day missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on her door and she immediately was interested in the Church.  She was baptized and set about trying to become a better person through applying the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ in her life.  On this trip, when I met this woman I was immediately struck by how coarse and crude she was.  She was probably the most vulgar woman I had ever met, and it seemed to me that she even cackled when she laughed.  In that instant, even at age 17, I had a clear understanding of how the gospel helps to refine a person.  I could clearly see the difference between my mother and this woman who was once her best friend, and I could see how if my mother had stayed on the same path as her friend that she would have been similar to how her friend was now. In essence, I could see how my mother’s life and thus mine would have been without the refining power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel of Christ, when we let it, helps us to be better and do better.  It teaches us that as disciples of Jesus Christ we are to become like Him in every thought, word and deed. Sometimes this is overwhelming to think about especially if I look at all of the things I’m not doing right yet and how long it will be before I’m even close to becoming Christ-like.  Yet the thought that I focus on mostly is not the end result but the journey from good to better.  As I try to become more Christ-like my attitudes and desires change and I take joy in simpler things and in my journey there is more happiness along the way and in my life.  As I see progress in my life it gives me hope that I can do it and I am strengthened to accomplish very hard things.  As I am battling sins and bad habits in my life that I have been battling for years, I have decided that even if I don’t completely master in them in this life that I will die still trying because giving up is not an option.  I want to live with my Heavenly Father and family again.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/be-ye-therefore-perfect-eventually?lang=eng

Children,Down syndrome,Life,Parenting

Down Syndrome-An Opportunity to Educate

posted on : July 16, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

I have a daughter with Down Syndrome.  She is a delightful, fun, smart person and because she is the youngest of my 8 children her brothers and sisters have grown up with her and recognize that having Down Syndrome is not a curse but just another way of being.  They know she has her strengths and her abilities as well as weaknesses and things she’s not great at doing, just like everyone else.  Many people assume that having Down Syndrome is a negative thing, that it is a hardship and that people with Down Syndrome have a very poor quality of life, that it is something to be pitied.  I know I did before my daughter joined our family.  But now of course I know how wrong I was in my thinking.  One of my daughters married a man who has a son with Down Syndrome and they have custody of him, and my daughter loves him fiercely.  You don’t ever want to mess with this mama bear and her cub.  Sometimes when she tells other people that he has Down Syndrome their response is something like “oh, I’m so sorry” and you can see she wants to thump on that person to even imply that he is something to be pitied.  I have told her that when people respond this way to see it as a chance to educate them.  Most people don’t know the joy of having a child with Down Syndrome in their lives.  They don’t know the blessings of having a person in their home who is usually loving and kind, sympathetic to others and who is funny as well as who loves to learn and try new things. Someone who trusts their parents completely and takes joy in simple things.  Of course these traits are not unique to just people with Down Syndrome and not all people with Down Syndrome are exactly like each other but most people with Down Syndrome are loving and kind.  They often have a zest for life and an implicit trust in those they love.  My daughter with Down Syndrome believes what I tell her, which is a joy and a responsibility.  Most of us have challenges in life and have situations in our lives we didn’t plan on, and there are people who don’t understand those challenges or situations.  Taking time to educate others about some of our life’s circumstances increases understanding, empathy, compassion and often helps others in their own circumstances.

https://orangesocks.org/diagnosis-resources/down-syndrome/

Faith,Lessons Learned,Life

Sometimes I Worry

posted on : July 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

There is a wonderful thought attributed to Mother Teresa entitled:

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

I love the concept of this message because sometimes I worry that in writing this blog people will think that I think I know everything, or that I think I have all of the answers or that I consider myself wise.  Sometimes I worry about what I write and if it will really help others, or worry about talking about religious stuff too much. Sometimes I worry that I am deluding myself about the efficacy of the blog and the expense and time involved are worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if this is really, in some small way, making a difference.  Maybe there are things you are wondering about in your life too.  Wondering if in the ways you are contributing to your family, neighborhood, church, employment and life is enough, if it is good and if you are making a difference in the world.  Wondering if in the small way you contribute good to those around you is enough.  Sharon Eubank in General Conference in October 2017 said “Any small thing you do to light real happiness in others shows that you are already carrying the torch…” and she went on to talk about turning on your light.  Small can be significant and good, and it is so easy to second guess ourselves and let worry or fears get in our way of doing something good, and to worry about what others think or how they will react. From these thoughts I learn to just Do It Anyway and maybe you will too.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/turn-on-your-light?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Gratitude and Prayer

posted on : July 5, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have given some thought about prayer and why we are instructed to thank our Father in Heaven for our blessings before asking for the things we need.  When I express in my prayers sincere gratitude for the things I have in my life I feel a change in myself and in my attitude.  I become more humble and in tune with the Spirit, and I can feel a difference in how I approach my problems, how I see others around me and I feel a greater desire to help them.  James E. Talmage said “Gratitude is the twin sister to humility.”  Sincere gratitude leads to humility and when I sincerely thank my God for His love and blessings I definitely become more humble and then I am in a better position to ask for the things I need, and then often the things I need are no longer things.  When I really focus on my gratitude in my prayers I also end my prayers feeling happier, and closer to my Heavenly Father, and sometimes I feel the Spirit intensely.  For me gratitude is closely linked with happiness and actually with most of the desirable traits of life, and it gives perspective to my life.  Not recognizing the hand of God and the blessings He gives us in our lives often leads to coveting, jealously, and unhappiness and for me being grumpy, because I am usually feeling dissatisfied with my life.  When I was a student at BYU there was one semester when I decided my prayers were boring.  I felt like I was saying the same things over and over so I decided that I would find one new thing each day to be grateful for.  I remember one day walking to class and seeing the most beautiful monarch butterfly.  It flew along with me as I walked and I noticed how graceful it was and how delicate.  That night I thanked my Heavenly Father for that butterfly that seemed to have been sent just for me to enjoy.  That semester at school was one of the happiest times of my life and I think it was because I was actively looking for things to be grateful for.  Being truly grateful leads me to be more humble and happier, makes my prayers more meaningful and draws me closer to my Heavenly Father.  We are commanded to be grateful but isn’t it interesting that just like all of the other commandments, it is to bless our lives.  God doesn’t need us to be grateful but oh how we need  to be grateful.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/05/sunday-morning-session/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

Faith,Life

Waiting for Promises

posted on : June 28, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have been fascinated with the prophet Abraham for a while.  Even in the midst of evil, and some of his family members were not doing good things, he chose to stay on the path, to be obedient and keep the commandments.  He received from Jehovah great promises, especially the promise that his seed or children would be as the sands of the sea or the stars in heaven.  In the book of Genesis it says that he was 75 years old when he first received this promise.  Since he was 100 years old when Isaac, the son of the promise, was born I have been thinking about how long he had to wait for the promise to begin to be fulfilled. Did he begin to wonder if he had heard right or misunderstood the Lord?  As he and Sarah aged, did he doubt?  Did he have great faith and never doubted but waited for the promises from Jehovah to be fulfilled? And then, he only had one child of promise, and was asked to sacrifice that child.  Abraham was an extraordinary man who was given great promises, but then I have been given great promises too, not only as his descendant but also as a daughter of God and a woman of covenants.  Sometimes, when I don’t see some of these promises happening very fast and I wonder if it’s because I’m not faithful enough, or misunderstood something or some other vague thing.  Mostly I think I just need to continue to be faithful and patient, and watch for the hand of God in my life.  Neal A. Maxwell said that when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know more than God and we are questioning God’s omniscience. I try to remember this because sometimes it is hard to wait with hope when I see people who I love making wrong choices or when I am in the midst of another terrible migraine, or life isn’t going the way I think it should.  I think that part of my schooling in this life is to develop faith and patience, and to learn to trust God, and Neal A. Maxwell said that patience and faith are closely related.  Patience denotes faith and you can’t have faith without patience, they go hand-in-hand. When not yet fulfilled promises don’t seem to be even on the horizon, I am stretched and my faith and patience grows as I look to God and trust Him. Even in hard times, in the back of my mind, I know God’s promises are sure and He will always keep His promises.