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Category: Lessons Learned

Children,Lessons Learned

The Black Eye

posted on : March 22, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When my oldest daughter was 4 years old she got hit in her eye.  I don’t even remember how she got hit or exactly what happened, but I remember telling her that she was going to get a black eye and then we put a cold wash cloth on it to help with the swelling.  She was very upset, wailing that she didn’t want a black eye.  I reassured her it would be fine and not to worry about it but that it was definitely going to turn black.  She went to bed that night still very upset, and the next morning she came running into my bedroom with a very bruised eye.  She jumped up on my bed and very excitedly said “Mom, I looked in the mirror and my eye’s not black, it’s still green.”  What was so obvious to me was not so obvious to her at all.  I had no clue that she didn’t know what a black eye was and that she thought I meant the color of her eye was going to change.  I’d like to say that was the last time I thought I was communicating clearly only to find out later that I wasn’t, but I have gotten better over the years at clarifying, asking questions, trying to understand and to be understood.  It’s always a work in progress but it helps when I remember this incident of the ‘Black Eye.’

Faith,Lessons Learned

The Answers to Life’s Questions

posted on : March 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Any time I have had a question or a big decision to make I have found my answer by reading my scriptures. Many years ago my husband and I were trying to decide about buying a house.  It would entail taking on considerable debt, and debt scared me then and still does now, and also leaving a house we had just finished remodeling and I thought was about perfect. We had put a ton of work into the yard and it seemed a little like the garden of Eden to me.  We had managed to get the house and the yard just about perfect for us. The new house we were considering was on 4 acres of land and had a nice barn on it.  For years my husband and I had talked about finding a home on some land for us to spread out on.  He had grown up on a couple of acres of land and had great memories of building forts and climbing trees and other kinds of things kids like to do.  He wanted the same thing for our kids, and he really liked the barn.  It would give him a place to build things, something he loved doing. The house was nice and would give us extra room for our large family.  It was a hard decision to make but we decided to put an offer on the house and as usual I turned to my scriptures to receive confirmation or not as I prayed fervently.  This time though I thought “there’s no scripture that says go buy a house or don’t buy a house” so I thought my prayers would have to be answered some other way.  I continued to study my scriptures hoping that I would receive my answer by immersing myself in spiritual things.  One day as I was studying I came across a verse in D&C 45:65 which says in part “gather up your riches that ye may purchase an inheritance” and the print seemed five times the size of the other print and I felt the confirmation that the decision to buy the house was the correct one, which to me is always an amazing process to me.  It amazes me because it is an overwhelming concept that God knows who I am, and can and will answer my individual prayers. It was a great relief to get an answer and to know we were on the right track.  I also learned that there is a scripture that says “go buy a house” and that the scriptures provide the answers to all of the questions of life!

Family,Lessons Learned

A Magic Wand

posted on : March 15, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

If I could wave a magic wand and undo some things, one of the things I would undo would be how I handled the dishes after dinner when my kids were teenagers.  In my mind my kids were busy with homework and other equally important activities so after dinner I would usually clean off the table and do the dishes.  They had their after school jobs already done and I thought I was facilitating getting homework done. In reality I was teaching them to be oblivious to cleaning up after dinner. Even as adults, after family dinners they would leave the kitchen and gather in the family room to visit and play games. I would start cleaning up already tired from food prep and cooking for a large group while hearing laughter and talking and fun going on.  If I asked for help someone would gladly come in and do one thing and then go back to the group. At first I was upset by this but since these kids of mine are usually kind and helpful people, I thought about it and decided that it didn’t even occur to anyone to help clean up, and it was because I had trained them to be oblivious.  After discussing the situation, everyone has been much better at helping clean up, with bringing food and working together, and now there’s laughter and talking and fun going on while we’re cleaning up from dinner. Hmmm, maybe I do have a magic wand after all!

Faith,Lessons Learned

Failures

posted on : March 8, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have thought a lot about failures and sometimes how crushing they can be.  Sometimes we try and try, and try again and things still don’t go our way, no matter how hard we work, and we wonder why life is so hard or unfair.  One time I was thinking about Joseph Smith, Senior, the father of Joseph Smith the prophet.  He was a farmer who had crop failures after crop failures.  He needed to feed and clothe his family and despite doing his best he kept having his crops fail.  He lost his farms, moved his large family to new locations, started again and failed again.  He finally ended up in Palmyra, New York where he heard the land was rich and the farming good.  He was able to secure some land and start again, in the very place where God needed Joseph Smith, Junior to be.  If his crops and farms had been successful he never would have needed to move.  It seems that our failures, and when we keep on trying in spite of them, lead us along.  We learn from them, become stronger and wiser.  Like Joseph Smith, Senior, hopefully we end up where God wants us to be.

Faith,Lessons Learned

House Built on a Rock

posted on : February 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Once when I was reading the account in Matthew 24:24-27 of the wise man who built his house on a rock and the foolish man who built his house on sand I noticed for the first time that the rain fell on both houses.  The wise man’s house was able to withstand the rain while the foolish man’s house was washed away.  Somehow I had always assumed that the foolish man’s house was the one that got rained on even though in plain English it says that the rain fell on both houses.  This realization caused a paradigm shift.  Rain, or troubles, fall on everyone and the difference is the foundation upon which I am built.  Thank goodness for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me a firm foundation.

Friendship,Lessons Learned,Life

Talents

posted on : February 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Several years ago I was pondering the many talents that people have, the vast majority of which I do not have.  I thought of a friend who was very musical and thought I would love to be able to play a musical instrument or sing really well.  I thought of people who were artistic, who were excellent teachers or who were really good listeners, and then there are people who are mechanical and good with technology. There are people who are really good gardeners and people who can fix just about anything.  I can’t draw and I am horrible with mechanical things and I definitely can’t think of anyone who would ever have me fix something for them.  The list of talents that I don’t have goes on and on.  As I sat there feeling slightly sorry for myself and pondering why I couldn’t have any or all of those talents the thought came to me “because then you wouldn’t need anyone else.”  Another eye-opener!  We are taught in the scriptures that talents and spiritual gifts are to be used to bless the lives of others and I have definitely been blessed by other people’s talents.

Lessons Learned

Goals

posted on : February 5, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I was reading my journal and came across some goals I had set in January 2012, six years ago.  I guess I had been reading a book by Elaine Dalton that said “Our vision of the future will help us press forward. As we prepare to succeed in this marathon of mortal life, we might like to start by taking a few minutes to envision where we want to be in one year or two or five.”  I wrote about how I had no vision of the future, or goals or anything I was working towards, mostly I was in day-to-day survival mode.  She said to take a few minutes to think about it, I took several months. When I finally came up with some goals I had them divided into 4 categories: physical, spiritual, mental and emotional.  I had two or three goals and methods under each category. I felt pretty good about this and went to work and I diligently pursued my goals.  I found that mostly what I was doing in my life was working on goal stuff and even though they were good goals and worthwhile pursuits, it was way too much!  I was overwhelmed and of course had set myself up for failure.  Who has time to pursue that many goals with several children still at home, callings and household responsibilities?  Actually, who has time to pursue that many goals even without all of those other responsibilities?  This year I have set one goal, just one goal and I have found that actively trying to achieve that goal is enough especially as I put effort into it and see a little progress.

Husband,Lessons Learned

Romance

posted on : January 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Years ago, when my husband and I had only been married for a few years, I told him that he was the most unromantic person I knew.  He didn’t bring me flowers or want to go dancing, we didn’t do quiet dinners in romantic places and there was no candle light to be seen anywhere in our home.  I think I hurt his feelings with this announcement because he still remembers it and talks about occasionally.  It took me a while but then I noticed that he would call me during the day just to say hi, and this was before cell phones. Sometimes when it was cold at night he would get into bed and lay on my side to warm it up so I wouldn’t have to get into a cold bed.  Often he would ask me to run errands with him just so we could spend a little time together and he always remembered that I like the soup spoon instead of the teaspoon to eat with and made sure that’s what I got when he set the table.  One day it dawned on me that I had bought into how the world defined romance with flowers, candlelight and dancing and that real romance was something much deeper.  It was the simple, sweet expression of love in little ways that he showed for me that was there all along and I hadn’t noticed it.  Turns out he’s the most romantic person I know!

Lessons Learned

Money

posted on : November 16, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

The first several years of our marriage my husband and I had very little money and had to watch our spending very carefully.  I found that when I went shopping I often saw things I liked and wanted to buy and if I bought them, and we really didn’t have the money for it, I was stressed and not happy. The solution for me was to not go to the store except when absolutely necessary and then to only buy just what I needed and get out quickly.  By staying out of stores I didn’t see all the cute things I wanted to buy for my children or home and then didn’t feel badly that I couldn’t afford them.  Peace of mind by being financially solvent and responsible far out weighed the momentary pleasure of buying something cute.

Children,Lessons Learned

Butter, The Real Thing

posted on : September 21, 2017 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

When one of my daughters was about 12 she came home after visiting a friend and very excitedly told me about her new discovery “margarine.”  “It’s this wonderful thing you can use instead of butter” and she went on to extol the many virtues of margarine.  I listened to her (and tried not to laugh) and then explained to her that butter was the real thing and that margarine was just a substitute for butter.  I then tried to explain to her that butter tasted better and generally was better for baking and cooking.  She looked at me like I really didn’t know anything.  I have thought about this conversation over the years about how some things that others have or use seem to be better than what we have, and how we are easily fooled to believe that substitutes or new things are better than the original or old ways of doing things.  Of course, some new things are better but just because they’re new or different doesn’t mean better.