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Category: Lessons Learned

Faith,Lessons Learned

Spiders and Other Distractions

posted on : July 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

I have a friend who told me a story of how she was once driving down the street when a spider dangled down from the ceiling of her car in front of her steering wheel. She started swiping at the spider trying to get it out of her way without any luck and it kept flying back and forth in front of her while she’s shrieking and panicking.  Meanwhile she’s still driving down the street and naturally ran into something because she was no longer paying attention to where she was going.  As she tells it she let herself become distracted from what was important by something that was unimportant.  Unfortunately I do this all too often and even though I know what my goals are, what I need to be doing to achieve them, I focus on unimportant things such as playing games on my iPad or watching too much TV.  It is so easy when I want a break to play a game for a few minutes that turns out to be for a couple of hours.  What I could have been doing instead!  Joseph Smith said in 1842, as quoted by Wilford Woodruff, that “a man is saved no faster than he gets knowledge.”  There is so much that I do not know and not just about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  There are so many relationships to foster, so many people I could be helping, and family history to be done but it is easier to play games or to watch TV.  Easier does not lead to better!  Every time I channel my efforts to discipline myself and do something worthwhile I increase my strength and ability to do more worthwhile things.  My capacity is enlarged and I become more than I was before, and I develop more self-discipline.  Distractions from things that are important leave me feeling wanting even though they are momentarily fun.  As I work to become more focused on the important things of life I find that my desire for the unimportant diminishes.  I do better and feel better, and slowly become better.

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/choose-wisely?lang=eng

Faith,Lessons Learned,Life

Sometimes I Worry

posted on : July 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

There is a wonderful thought attributed to Mother Teresa entitled:

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

I love the concept of this message because sometimes I worry that in writing this blog people will think that I think I know everything, or that I think I have all of the answers or that I consider myself wise.  Sometimes I worry about what I write and if it will really help others, or worry about talking about religious stuff too much. Sometimes I worry that I am deluding myself about the efficacy of the blog and the expense and time involved are worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if this is really, in some small way, making a difference.  Maybe there are things you are wondering about in your life too.  Wondering if in the ways you are contributing to your family, neighborhood, church, employment and life is enough, if it is good and if you are making a difference in the world.  Wondering if in the small way you contribute good to those around you is enough.  Sharon Eubank in General Conference in October 2017 said “Any small thing you do to light real happiness in others shows that you are already carrying the torch…” and she went on to talk about turning on your light.  Small can be significant and good, and it is so easy to second guess ourselves and let worry or fears get in our way of doing something good, and to worry about what others think or how they will react. From these thoughts I learn to just Do It Anyway and maybe you will too.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/turn-on-your-light?lang=eng

Faith,Lessons Learned

Problems Of Our Own Making

posted on : July 9, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

In world news lately we have learned of a group of boys, who with their leader, are trapped in a cave in Thailand, and they have been trapped there for over two weeks.  When they entered the cave to explore it, it wasn’t raining but when it started to rain it sent water flooding into the cave trapping the group inside.  In Thailand it is the rainy season and logic would tell you that this cave floods during this time yearly and that poor planning and decision making were involved in deciding to take this group to explore this cave at this time of year.  Yet despite this, the world is reaching out to help this group.  They have sent in food and other supplies for them and are trying to figure out the best way to help free them from the trap they are in, and they have been able to free 4 of the boys.  They have not said “you used poor judgement and got yourself in a serious bind so we are not going to help you.”  In spite of poor planning there are many working to help this group, and one had died in attempting to rescue them.  In thinking about this there are many gospel parallels that come to mind. Often the troubles we find ourselves in are of our own making.  They come from situations in which we used poor judgment or ignored the potential consequences or sometimes didn’t care about what could happen until it did.  Despite this there are many who stand ready to help us out of the traps we have created for ourselves.  Christ, our ultimate rescuer, has not said, “Well, you caused your own problems and used poor judgement so I’m not going to help you.”  Instead, we are taught in the scriptures that “His hand is stretched out still.”  He is waiting to rescue us when we need help and turn to Him, and even those trapped in that cave have to want to be rescued. And didn’t He give His life that we might be fully rescued?   Despite our pride, our disobedience, our blatant disregard for His teachings, all we need to do is reach out and take hold of His proffered hand, and we have to want to be rescued, be willing to work hard to change, and recognize that He is the Great Rescuer.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/the-atonement-can-clean-reclaim-and-sanctify-our-lives?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng

Children,Lessons Learned

The Birds and the Bees, and Other Things

posted on : July 2, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

Many years ago when my oldest was about 7 years old she asked me where babies came from.  Knowing that this question would arise some time I had spent quite a bit of time reading books on how to discuss this topic with my children, so I was really prepared.  I told her all of the information I thought was age appropriate but made sure I included enough details so she basically had the information and afterwards I was really proud of myself on how I handled it and had answered her questions easily and just generally did a good job. I felt like I deserved a gold star on my parent chart for that conversation.  Several months later she asked basically the same questions and I was confused.  So I asked her if she remembered the conversation we had before on the same topic and surprisingly she said no.  I’m thinking, “wait a minute, you don’t remember that masterful job of teaching I did?”  So I was a little frustrated but I explained it again and I eventually learned that most topics that parents need to teach their children about need to be taught several times.  Usually there are many conversations that are needed to cover important topics because we learn in small doses.  I do this with General Conference.  A speaker will say something that my brain latches onto and I am no longer listening to what he is saying but thinking about the one thing that struck me.  When I finally tune back in I have missed all of the in between stuff.  Fortunately we have the Ensign to read the talks or can listen to them through media outlets.  Children are the same.  They need to be taught the same thing over and over until it sinks in, and they do better being taught in small doses.  After they have learned one thing well they are ready to learn the next component, and you can usually tell what they are really wanting to know by asking a few questions. So even masterful teaching requires being done over and over again, whether it is the birds and the bees or other things.

Lessons Learned,Life

Dream Job

posted on : June 25, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My husband absolutely loves his profession and he is lucky to have his dream job.  He likes being able to make a difference in the lives of others and the creativity he is able to express. He enjoys working with great people and learning from them.  But even with his dream job there are things he has to do that he doesn’t like.  He doesn’t like itemizing and submitting for reimbursement because it’s tedious and takes time away from what he really likes to do.  He also doesn’t like sitting in long meetings, traveling away from home so much, and the long hours the job sometimes requires.  Even with all of that he will tell you he loves his job.  I love my job as homemaker and mother.  I enjoy the freedom to plan my own day, to be able to help in my kid’s schools (only one left now), to take my kids to the park and the pool when they were younger, and to have time to make curtains and shop for home decor, to read with my kids (now grandkids), do family history and others such things.  I love planning fun parties to celebrate great moments in our family.  I love to decorate!  Those are some of the things I love and have the freedom to do but even with those things there are a lot of things I don’t like about being a homemaker and even sometimes a mother.  It’s hard to never quite get enough sleep, I dislike paying bills and balancing the checkbook, I don’t like to change bedding and I don’t like yard work.  It’s hard to always do everything with your children in mind-what time will they be home, where do they have to be and what do they need, and since I still have one at home I still have to do that.  Even with all of that I would tell you I have a great job. I love being a homemaker and a mother.  In talking with other people I have learned that no matter what job you have there will be things you like about it and things you don’t like about it.  Of course, if the things you don’t like are greater than the things you do like you may need to be in a different job.  Sometimes we enter a job or profession or even parenthood without realizing that there will be things we don’t like about it.  There are no perfect, stress-free, hassle-free, problem-less jobs.  Figuring that out allowed me to be happy doing what I was doing, and when there were problems, not focusing on the thought that if I was working out of my home I would be happier.  Really, no matter what or where I work there will be things I like and don’t like about what I’m doing, even a dream job.

Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

More Than Enough

posted on : June 18, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I had a conversation with my son recently where he expressed regret at not having served a mission for our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  He wondered about being a Young Men’s Leader and what he would tell the Young Men in his ward when they asked about his mission.  I told him that he may not be able to talk about a mission but that he would be able to testify about the healing and redeeming powers of the atonement and it’s ability to change lives, and that there would be young men who would need to hear those words. The experiences he’s had will help many people draw closer to Christ and will help them understand that no one has gone beyond the reach of our Savior.  Too often we look at what we have done or haven’t done and think we are not good enough.  That we lack in our offerings to others and to our Savior, that somehow we are less than those around us.  That is simply not true!  God takes us where we are and what we have to offer and makes them more than good enough, and then uses those things we have learned to bless the lives of others.  All we need to do is give Him our hearts and be willing to serve where and how He wants us to.  Through Jesus Christ we become more than enough.

Lessons Learned

Benefit of the Doubt

posted on : June 11, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Whenever I’m driving and another driver is being rude, or when someone says something to me that seems hurtful or sharp I have a little game that I play with myself.  I tell myself that driver must be on the way to the emergency room trying to save the life of a loved one, or that person didn’t realize how that sounded, or they must be having a stressful day.  Yes, I know that there are rude and hurtful people in the world but most people are kind and usually unaware of how their actions are affecting others.  When someone is rude to me and if I react negatively back, especially to another driver, they don’t know how I am feeling and I’m the one who gets upset and it can ruin the next couple of hours for me and I can even snap at another person and further spread the hostility around.  Even if they are rude on purpose, I can still choose to understand their behavior or situation, give them the benefit of the doubt.  Some people I have learned to have as little interaction as possible with.  I am not talking about being a door mat but I know there are many in this world who have heavy burdens, or are dealing with mental health issues or have limited skill sets. I have learned that when I give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they don’t deserve it, I am the one who benefits the most.  I can leave the situation with pleasant feelings and not worry about it.  I recognize that sometimes I’m the one having the bad day and sometimes say things in a tone I shouldn’t and I hope that someone else hears it with kindness and on those occasions gives me the benefit of the doubt.

Family,Lessons Learned

Subtle Learning

posted on : June 7, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have learned that there are many things that are taught in a family that both the parents and the children are unaware of that are being taught.  I grew up in Southern California away from extended family.  My mother had a brother, who lived with us, and a mother who we often didn’t know where she was and my mother didn’t know her father.  There was very little contact with extended family, no phone calls, no visits-they generally were not part of our lives.  The interesting thing is that my brothers and sister and I do not maintain contact with each other.  We love each other and when we’re together we have a great time but somehow it never occurs to us to call each other just to chat or to keep in touch or to invite someone over for dinner. My husband just shakes his head at me because he can’t comprehend not maintaining contact with loved ones.  He has weekly phone calls with his brothers and sisters and when his parents were alive he called them almost daily “just to check in.”  Fortunately, our children had their father’s example of staying in touch with his extended family, because they call and visit with each other daily.  It took me a long time to figure out why it never occurs to me to call my family, and it’s not that I don’t think about them and it’s not that I don’t love them.  It just never enters my thinking to call when I have news of something good or bad.  And since I rarely hear from my brothers or sister I am assuming that it doesn’t occur to them either.  It takes an event, like a wedding or a birthday or holiday for us to connect, just like it did when I was growing up, and I remember going to a relative’s house for Thanksgiving once.  And when we’re together it’s great and I love them and we always say we need to get together more and we mean it but then we go home to our subtle learning and don’t call each other.  Recognition is one of the first steps to change and maybe it’s time for me to change.

Children,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

It Must Be Important

posted on : May 31, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Every night it was a battle to round-up my quarrelsome, busy, active kids to do family prayer and scriptures. While I would read they would be elbowing, poking and even pretending to fall asleep.  It seemed they were physically there but not spiritually.  I once commented to my husband that I thought that by reading the scriptures and having family prayer every night we would have a more peaceful home.  He said to just think how bad it would really be if we didn’t do it!  It was a funny answer but not really satisfying.  I think part of the problem is that I had shoulds going through my brain, expectations of how my family really should be, and this wasn’t it.  I eventually learned that this was pretty normal behavior for most children but I still didn’t like it.  I really wanted to connect with my children on a spiritual level and impart my love of the scriptures to them.  Every once in a while there was a golden evening where the Spirit was present, and I could tell they were really listening but it didn’t happen very often, and I really cherished those moments.  I finally decided that persevering with this nightly process accomplished at least two things beside the obvious principles of obedience and spiritual education.  The first thing I think that was accomplished was that my children learned from our nightly battle to round everyone up is that if we were willing to do this huge task every night that it must be worth it, that it must be important. I hoped they learned that their mom and dad thought that gathering the family every night to read the scriptures and have a prayer together was a priority and so important that we did it in spite of the hassles.  I hope my children saw that we truly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ and the ability of it to bless our lives.  The next thing I think that was accomplished was more for me as a parent than for my children.  I have a few children who have not embraced the gospel as I have hoped.  At this time they are not actively participating in the blessings the gospel offers.  As I have looked back, I am glad that we were consistent with family scriptures and prayers because I don’t have to wonder if I had just done them would my children who are less active be fully active now.  It’s so easy to blame myself but I don’t have to feel guilty over this.  I recognize that I did my best in this area and that we were consistent and they have made choices I don’t like but accept. I also have children who are actively participating in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I think that consistently doing family scriptures and prayer helped with that.  In spite of the hassles, doing family scriptures and prayer is worth it for many reasons!

Lessons Learned,Parenting

Be The Good

posted on : May 24, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago my husband was in the bishopric of a singles ward.  The Relief Society leaders asked the wives of the bishopric to speak to them on specific topics addressing marriage and motherhood and I was assigned “Preparing for Motherhood.” This was such a vast topic and I pondered it for quite a while unsure of the direction to take, but as I thought about it the concept of ‘be what you want your children to be’ came to me.  I had them write down 5 quality traits they wanted their children to have and then talked to them about the best way to develop those traits in their children is to develop them in themselves and then of course, model that trait. So, If you want your children to be honest then you need to be honest.  If you want them to be hard workers then you need to be a hard worker.  Since children learn by example the best way to prepare for motherhood is to work on developing qualities that you want your children to have, you become what you want your children to become.  In some small way this reminds me of the quote by Gandhi “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi was a great man of vision who understood that we can’t change anyone but ourselves, and that by changing ourselves we influence those around us and thus change the world. So in other words, if you want the world to be kind, be kind.  If you want the world to be fair and just, then be fair and just.  Whenever I see someone who is a good person doing good things it inspires me to want to be better and do better.  Their example gives me hope for the world.  Another thing I like about the quote by Gandhi is the connotation to quit complaining and do something about the problems we see around us.  It’s definitely easier to complain than to work to change the things we see around us by volunteering, donating and speaking up and the many other ways there are to make the world a better place.  And of course, the efforts of a parent in the home do much to make the world a better place which leads me back to my original thought-improving myself does much to improve the world (now if I could just narrow down my vast list of areas to improve in so I knew where to start…).