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Category: Lessons Learned

Church,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

A Love For The Scriptures

posted on : November 30, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I grew up in California and we had early morning church classes called seminary to attend.  I am not an early morning person and rarely attended the classes.  Since I didn’t go very often I didn’t graduate from seminary. Not only that but I was so busy with classes and life while in college, I didn’t make reading my scriptures and studying the gospel the priority it should have been.  I did have religion classes and did the course work but it wasn’t a whole-hearted effort. Then of course I found out what busy really was as a mother with lots of children.  I rarely found time to read and study the scriptures unless I had a class to teach at church.  Unfortunately I didn’t really start studying the scriptures and the gospel until I was in my early 40’s.  I still had lots of children to care for and migraines to deal with so what made the difference?  I had a dear friend who loved the scriptures.  She loved to study the words of the prophets and ponder on the meanings of them.  She thoroughly enjoyed exploring the scriptures and the doctrines of the gospel, and she took great joy in them!  She demonstrated a zest and love for the gospel and I wanted to have the same love and feelings for the scriptures that she did.  I wanted to be able to apply the teaching of the scriptures to my life too.  I wanted to have the scriptural knowledge that she had.  She inspired me and so I began a journey into gospel learning that has greatly blessed and influenced my life for good.  In the last 20 years, as I have studied the scriptures and the words of the prophets, my knowledge and gospel confidence has increased greatly.  As I have applied the teachings of the gospel in my life I have been greatly enriched.  Her example influenced me and created a yearning in my heart to truly love the scriptures.

Recently there have been changes in church procedures announced. We now have before us in the church a refocus on home centered gospel teaching, supported by teaching in classes at church.  Lately during church classes I have listened to many women express their concerns about being able to adequately teach their children the gospel in their homes. They feel pressure to help their children learn the scriptures and gospel doctrines, and help them acquire testimonies.  Even though I no longer have young children in my home I remember the same feelings and the urgency I felt at helping my children to know the scriptures. Because of that we made sure we did family scriptures and prayer nightly, and Family Home Evening weekly.  We always had the mechanics of it in place but sometimes I treated it as an ordeal to get through rather than a joyful thing. I spent too much time trying to endure the process of reading the scriptures with my children rather than just enjoying the time learning together.  Now I can see that if I had transmitted my love for the scriptures and gospel learning as a joyful blessing instead of an ordeal that perhaps my children would have sensed my love for the scriptures and wanted that same love for them in their lives. Treating scripture time as an opportunity and joyful thing would have taught just as much as the actual reading of them.  It would have taught that scriptures are a thing to be treasured and that reading them brings joy into your lives. If I had any advice for parents who are concerned about the refocus on home centered learning it would be to love the scriptures yourself and just enjoy the learning and teaching time with your family. Your children will see the blessings in your life from scripture study and gospel learning and want the same blessings in their lives, even though it may not be until they are a little older.

I think of my friend and her influence on me and how I wanted the same experiences she had, I wanted to love the scriptures like she did.  Her example changed my life forever.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/deep-and-lasting-conversion-to-heavenly-father-and-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/with-all-the-feeling-of-a-tender-parent-a-message-of-hope-to-families?lang=eng

 

 

Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

Grateful For Prayer

posted on : November 23, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago my husband was driving down a street in our community in his pickup truck towing a heavy load.  As he was driving along he had the words come strongly to him “Stop Now!” and so he slammed on his brakes.  Just then 2 little girls on bikes came racing out into the road, rounded the corner and obliviously pedaled away.  He told me that if he had not listened there was no way he could have stopped in time with the heavy load he was towing, and he was sure he would have run over those little girls.  He was very emotional and upset while telling me of this incident.  The little girls on the bikes however were totally unaware that their lives had been in danger.  They rode off having fun together and went home to parents who were also unaware that their daughters had been in grave danger.  I have thought about this a lot over the years.  Those girls probably had parents who prayed for their children’s safety each day and didn’t know that on this particular day their prayers had been amazingly answered. I also pray for my children every day.  I pray for the blessings they need, for their safety, for their happiness.  Because of this situation I have wondered how many times my prayers have been answered without me being aware of it.  I have wondered how many times my children have been watched over and cared for without my knowledge. And from this I can suppose that there are other ways my prayers are answered too that I am oblivious about.  Perhaps part of having faith is trusting that God will answer my prayers whether I know it or not, and knowing that my prayers are not always answered the way I want.  My faith is strengthened through prayer and receiving my Father Heaven’s help, not always in the way or time I expect it.  As I have gotten older I have come to depend more on prayer and realize more of it’s importance.  This Thanksgiving Season I am particularly grateful for the opportunity I have to pray to a loving Heavenly Father and to know He hears and answers my prayers, even when I am unaware of it.  I am grateful to feel the power of prayer in my life and to have the source of strength and comfort it offers.  I am thankful for prayer.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-souls-sincere-desire?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/pray-always?lang=eng

Down syndrome,Faith,Lessons Learned

Imperfect Singing Is Okay

posted on : October 18, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

My daughter with Down Syndrome loves to sing.  She sings with the radio, TV shows, at church and in choirs both at church and in school.  Sometimes she even has the right tune, notes and words.  I think she loves to sing so much that sometimes the correct words or tune get in the way of expressing herself.  She truly takes joy in singing.  We are fortunate that people around her accept her singing the way it is.  She’s always welcomed into the choirs she sings in and even though her school choir teacher consistently produces  award-winning choirs, and I’m sure he cringes sometimes at her lack of blending.  At church you can hear her sometimes singing in the choir standing out on not quite the right note but the choir directors always express how much they love having her sing with them.  She especially loves to sing church music and when she sings, she sings it with her whole heart.  I think that when God hears her singing He hears her love of it, sees her joy in it and takes great pleasure in seeing one of His daughters enjoying something so thoroughly.  I think her offering is acceptable to Him even though it is not even close to being perfect.  This thought gives me hope that in the many things I’m not great at, not close to being perfect in or just sometimes lousy at doing that God sees my efforts with love and acceptance. Sometimes my efforts are pretty feeble too and I fall short of my expectations and His. Then I have to pick myself up and try harder to do and be better. Sometimes the things I fall short on are the same things I have been falling short on for years.  It’s taken me a while but I have figured out that as long as I’m honestly trying I’m doing okay.  Efforts don’t have to be perfect to be good. God loves me even with all of my imperfections and I don’t have to do things perfectly for Him to accept me. Yes, He wants me to improve and to consistently work at being better but I think I am harder on myself than He is on me.  When I don’t measure up I often beat myself up with negative self-talk.  Sometimes I tell myself that I will never get better, that I will never conquer a certain problem, and this negative self-talk is actually what keeps me from rising up and doing better.  I need to remember my daughter and her love of singing and to remember that God takes joy in my efforts even though they are not perfect.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/happiness-your-heritage?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/believe-love-do?lang=eng

Husband,Lessons Learned

Pig Hooks, Hog Rings

posted on : October 15, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Several years ago a man from a store called and left a message with me for my husband.  He wanted me to let him know the pig hooks my husband had ordered had come in.  So dutifully when my husband got home from work I passed the message on.  My husband was very puzzled.  He didn’t know what I was talking about and he didn’t know what pig hooks were.  He kept asking questions and shaking his head in total confusion.  After a few more questions and he finally figured out what I was talking about.  The man had the hog rings that my husband had ordered. I said “pig hooks, hog rings-sounds like the same thing.”  It seems that in my mind I had inadvertently translated hog rings (a type of fastener for fencing) to pig hooks (which it turns out there no such thing).  It lent for a lot of laughs for several days but it really illustrated some of the problems with communication.  People say something they think is accurate but it turns out not to be accurate at all.  I honestly thought it was pig hooks. Sometimes this miscommunication leads to frustration and even anger.  And there’s been lots of times I thought my husband and I were talking about the same thing only to find out later he had something totally different in mind.  We’ve even had conversations where I thought we decided something only at some point to figure out he thought we decided something completely different. I would get really mad at him and tell him he was only half listening-again. Of course getting mad never solves any problems, and it usually creates even more problems.  Over time he and I have learned to ask a few questions, and then when it’s an important conversation to sum up what we decided and who’s doing what.  Sometimes I even write it down (I have thought about having him sign it but…).  Occasionally in summing up what I think was decided he will correct me and then we find we have more to talk about.  But that’s what communication is for-to come to a clear consensus and to know what each other is thinking and what the outcome is we each want.  Learning to communicate clearly has been a long process that for the most part we now do well at.  It took assuming each other wanted to communicate clearly, was committed to the relationship and really wanted to be united on an issue.  It basically took a lot of patience and love.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/04/family-communications?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng

Lessons Learned,Life

The Snot On My Face

posted on : September 27, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When one of my daughters was 2 I took her with me to go grocery shopping.  As I was putting her in the grocery cart seat she reached up and touched my face.  I didn’t think anything about that but just went on my way shopping, putting groceries in the cart and of course passing people in the aisles.  After about  30 minutes in the store I went to the checkout where they had mirrors for people to try on sunglasses.  It was at this point while looking in the mirror that I noticed a large piece of snot on my face.  Not just a little piece but a huge piece which my daughter had put on my face when she touched it.  I had gone through the whole store, passing people with a gigantic piece of snot very noticeably on my face.  Of course I was embarrassed and quickly wiped it off.  I wondered how many people had seen me this way while I was oblivious to its presence and I was very mortified. I have thought about this incident during the years and now laugh about it but I have also since wondered about what other obvious problems I have that others can see to which I am oblivious. What do others see that as I walk down the aisles of my life of which I am not aware? Sometimes I can be so unaware of myself, which is often merciful but not productive. Of course every so often I get glimpses in the mirror and see things that I am embarrassed about, things that I know I need to change, to improve upon (having children is a very good mirror!).  And in thinking about it, thank goodness for mirrors that allow me to see myself, the good and the bad.  Without mirrors there would be no growth, no change.  Without periodically really looking at myself I would not notice what I need to be doing differently.  So even though sometimes it can be embarrassing and hard to look in a mirror and see things I don’t like, I am also grateful that they exist for without them I would remain oblivious to the snot on my face.

Lessons Learned

Moving and New Friends

posted on : September 24, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A little over 19 years ago we moved to a different home.  It was only 3 1/2 miles yet it seemed to be a lot farther than that.  My kids changed schools, we had a new ward to attend and we left many good friends. I was surprised at how lonely I felt for a long time even though the people in our new neighborhood and ward were very nice and friendly.  It was a hard adjustment and there were many days when I cried wanting to be with someone I knew well and felt safe with.  I tried connecting with friends from my old neighborhood but it just wasn’t the same because they had busy lives.  I would go to church in my new ward and see a lot of people who were always kind and welcoming and yet I just didn’t feel connected to anyone on a personal level.  You can’t become good friends with someone in an instant.  It takes time to develop deep friendships and connections, and everyone seemed so busy.  The loneliness went on for about 6 months when I decided I would volunteer to help with the church Christmas party.  There were two women who were in charge of the party and I don’t think I could have met better women.  They welcomed my help and ideas, and right away I was involved.  I helped set up, worked in the kitchen with other people and interacted with individuals in a more substantial way. I made phone calls to others in our ward to ask for help with the party.  Volunteering helped me to get to know the good people of my ward and I felt more connected to them.  After the Christmas party was over I could put names with faces much easier and felt much more comfortable chatting with people.  A few months later they asked me to help with another church party.  That really cemented friendships and from then on it wasn’t an issue.  I learned a big lesson from this situation.  People are nice and friendly but they can’t read my mind.  They didn’t know how lonely I was and nothing changed until I did something about my situation. I learned that it’s up to me to reach out and do something to change my life.  I also learned to be more aware of new people. Because I remember how I felt, I try to be friendly, inclusive and welcoming.  Being the new person can be lonely.

Lessons Learned,Life

Things I’ve Learned The Hard Way

posted on : September 20, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Here is a list of some of the things I’ve learned along the way, and some of them the hard way:

1)  Yelling at someone never accomplishes anything positive, but controlling my temper does.

2)  Sometimes I do my best and it’s not good enough.  Often God will make up the difference but sometimes people need to recognize it was my best and let it go.

3)  Sometimes I’m the one who needs to recognize it was someone’s best effort and let it go.

4)  Often I want life to be easier but anything worth having takes a lot of work, and that includes raising a family.

5)  Don’t worry about the small things because they are small things.

6)  Taking the long view always pays off.

7)  When I’m feeling grumpy and snap at people it’s usually myself I’m upset with. Recognizing this allows me to take a step back and make adjustments.

8)  When I’ve mastered bad habits it’s easy to slide back if I’m not vigilant.

9)  People I love get to make their own choices and all I can do is love them, but it doesn’t mean I have to like their choices.

10)  It’s better to listen to understand others instead of telling them how they should think/act/be.

11)  Input from others is good but the bigger the group the harder it is to decide something.

12)  Fair does not mean equal-each of my children get what they need and it’s not always the same or even the same amount as another one of my children.

13)  It took me a long time to figure out but I have no control over anyone but myself and even that’s iffy sometimes.

Since I have learned these things and have applied them in my life I have been happier and life has gone better. But, and this is number fourteen-

14)  Even if I am doing my best to live a good life, being kind to others and keeping the commandments I will still have challenges and problems.  The only way to deal with life and be happy is through Jesus Christ and His grace.

 

 

Lessons Learned

Hidden Treasures

posted on : September 17, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 4 Comments

My mom is a not-so-great cook.  She’s told me she doesn’t like cooking, and it’s not intuitive to her.  It’s a task to be done and not something she enjoys. Growing up I loved to eat at other people’s houses because their food had a lot of flavor, and I would come home raving about the food.  She patiently ignored me and I don’t know if she felt bad about my comments.  On the other hand, I have always loved to cook.  As a kid I read cookbooks like novels.  I got a feel for what spices and herbs went with what meats and vegetables. To me, cooking is a pleasure and an art and something I thoroughly enjoy.

After my parents divorced my mom went back to work and she eventually went back to school full-time too. But, before my parents divorced, my mom usually made us breakfast.  We often had Cream of Wheat and no matter how she tried she couldn’t make it without lumps in it.  Not just little lumps but some pretty big ones too.  She called them “hidden treasures” and for a long time I thought that was how it was supposed to be made.  They were chewy lumps that surprisingly added something to the hot cereal.  I have thought over the years about how she made Cream of Wheat with lumps in it, but somehow made it an adventure to eat it by calling it hidden treasures.  Kind of like turning lemons into lemonade.

There’s a lot of things in life that I’m not great at doing or that for some reason don’t turn out right.  There are some talents that I will never have but will have to do anyway, just like my mom had to cook for us.  The lesson of the “hidden treasures” shows me that I can make these situations an adventure that can make life more fun.  I too can turn lemons into lemonade because sometimes the lumps are going to be there no matter what I do so I might as well enjoy them.  The funny thing is that even though I can easily make Cream of Wheat without any lumps at all, I kind of miss those hidden treasures.

 

Lessons Learned

Dream Big, Work Hard

posted on : September 13, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When I was in my early 20’s I saw a sign that said “A Dreamer Lives Forever” and I thought it was a great saying.  I did little doodles with this saying and put them on my wall, and I felt it was profound. Currently there are similar signs that say things like “Dream Big” or “Live Your Dreams” and other similar thoughts, but now I think the sayings are a little incomplete.  Dreaming is only one part of the equation.  Without work or effort dreams amounts to very little, as well as efforts without dreams also don’t mean much.  Thomas S. Monson had a saying that I particularly like, from a talk he gave in 1989. “Vision without effort is daydreaming, effort without vision is drudgery; but vision, coupled with effort, will obtain the prize.”  I like this saying because there was a time when it seemed that all I did was work, work, work!  I was always tired and it felt like my life was drudgery as I went from one thing to the next.  When I read this quote I realized what was missing: vision.  I was working hard without a vision of why I was expending so much effort.  I did some pondering about why I was working so hard, raising my children and keeping up my home, trying to be a good wife and a good person.  I thought about what my purpose was not only as a wife and mother but as a person and a child of God.  I thought about why I was here on this earth and basically, what my goals in life were.  It took me a while but slowly I started to look at things differently.  I’d like to say that all the hard work went away but it didn’t and sometimes I didn’t keep my vision in the forefront of my thinking so sometimes it still seemed like drudgery. But my attitude and thinking did improve and at least I knew why I was doing all that hard work.  Over the years I have gotten better at keeping my vision, my goals in my mind.  Even now, with only one child at home, when life is easier, I still need to have vision and goals.  I still need to know why I’m doing what I’m doing.  Dreaming is good, and combining it with effort will win the prize.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/06/finishers-wanted?lang=eng

Children,Lessons Learned

Another Magic Wand

posted on : September 10, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Years ago, when one of my daughters was about 10, she was having some problems.  She was mouthy, argumentative and hostile.  It seemed like most of our interactions ended up in tears, sometimes her and sometimes mine. She decided she wanted to go to a therapist to work on some personal issues, which I thought was a great idea.  After several visits the therapist told me that she was a great kid but that she just needed more of my time.  I was shocked because I thought I gave her a lot of my time and I dismissed what he said as irrelevant.  It wasn’t until years later that I finally understood what it was that he was trying to tell me.  Most of the interactions I had with her centered on things like telling her to do her jobs, asking her for help with other kids, telling her to hurry up or slow down, and telling her things to not do or to get done.  Yes, I was spending time with her but it wasn’t the one-on-one individual time she needed.  It wasn’t the kind of time that said I love you and enjoy your company and want to be with you.  It wasn’t the kind of time where I go to know her heart, her hopes and fears, it wasn’t quality time.  Fortunately, this daughter has grown up to be an amazing person in spite of my ignorance.  She finds time for each of her children despite working full-time, probably because she recognizes the importance of it.  She is the kind of mother I wish I had been better at. So, if I had another magic wand to undo some things I would leave my house a little messier,  I would fix simpler meals and I would find ways to spend time individually with her and with each of my kids. I would get to know a little better what is important to each of them, get to know their hearts a little better.  Hopefully they would each know that I loved them and enjoyed their company and wanted to spend time with them.