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Category: Faith

Church,Family,Parenting

Bringing Conference to My Family

posted on : June 4, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When my children were younger they would usually listen to General Conference but they didn’t read the Ensign or New Era conference issues and study the talks.  One of the things I found helpful to bring the talks to them was to type up quotes and post them in my kitchen.  As I would read the talks I would mark quotes or ideas I thought would be good to post.  Every week, sometimes even longer if I didn’t have my life together (frequently) or if there was a quote I particularly liked, I would flip through the conference issue and find the things I marked and choose another quote.  I typed and printed it and then posted it in the kitchen, and since I had already marked the quotes, this only took a few minutes.  At one point I realized there were so many good quotes that I started doing two and put them in different areas of the kitchen.  When one of my daughters was a teenager she told me that she really liked having those quotes posted and she read them frequently, it helped her in her life, and that she even tried to memorize them.  I also hoped that it positively influenced some of my children who were struggling, and it was a way of preaching without preaching.  The funny thing is that I think I benefited the most from the quotes.  I would read and reread them as I worked in the kitchen and the words sank deeply into my heart and I was able to ponder on them.  I frequently thought about how I could implement the ideas and thoughts into my life, and some of the promises I clung to and still do.  This has been an easy and simple way to bring conference to my family.

Children,Faith,Family,Lessons Learned

It Must Be Important

posted on : May 31, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Every night it was a battle to round-up my quarrelsome, busy, active kids to do family prayer and scriptures. While I would read they would be elbowing, poking and even pretending to fall asleep.  It seemed they were physically there but not spiritually.  I once commented to my husband that I thought that by reading the scriptures and having family prayer every night we would have a more peaceful home.  He said to just think how bad it would really be if we didn’t do it!  It was a funny answer but not really satisfying.  I think part of the problem is that I had shoulds going through my brain, expectations of how my family really should be, and this wasn’t it.  I eventually learned that this was pretty normal behavior for most children but I still didn’t like it.  I really wanted to connect with my children on a spiritual level and impart my love of the scriptures to them.  Every once in a while there was a golden evening where the Spirit was present, and I could tell they were really listening but it didn’t happen very often, and I really cherished those moments.  I finally decided that persevering with this nightly process accomplished at least two things beside the obvious principles of obedience and spiritual education.  The first thing I think that was accomplished was that my children learned from our nightly battle to round everyone up is that if we were willing to do this huge task every night that it must be worth it, that it must be important. I hoped they learned that their mom and dad thought that gathering the family every night to read the scriptures and have a prayer together was a priority and so important that we did it in spite of the hassles.  I hope my children saw that we truly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ and the ability of it to bless our lives.  The next thing I think that was accomplished was more for me as a parent than for my children.  I have a few children who have not embraced the gospel as I have hoped.  At this time they are not actively participating in the blessings the gospel offers.  As I have looked back, I am glad that we were consistent with family scriptures and prayers because I don’t have to wonder if I had just done them would my children who are less active be fully active now.  It’s so easy to blame myself but I don’t have to feel guilty over this.  I recognize that I did my best in this area and that we were consistent and they have made choices I don’t like but accept. I also have children who are actively participating in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I think that consistently doing family scriptures and prayer helped with that.  In spite of the hassles, doing family scriptures and prayer is worth it for many reasons!

Children,Church,Family

Family Home Evening Made Easier

posted on : May 28, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

We have been good at doing Family Home Evening but sometimes it was a real scramble to come up with something meaningful for the lesson on the little time we seemed to have.  What finally made it easier was the Friend magazine, which we found to be a great resource.  For each story there was always a scripture that went with it.  We would read the scripture out loud and then the story, and then we would read the scripture again and ask how it related to the story and then ask how the story/scripture related to our family.  A simple formula that worked well for us because it often seemed so hectic with little kids and big kids, after school activities, homework, and dinner and everything else that always needed to be done.  This was my go-to lesson plan when we didn’t have something specific that we wanted to talk about, and it often generated good conversations.  We also found the activities, articles on children in other countries, apostles and prophets were things my children liked to hear about, and even my older kids liked hearing a story read out loud.  This would last about 15 minutes and then, on a good evening, we even had time to play a game or do something fun with those who wanted to, which was usually the younger kids because really, we were lucky to get the older kids to sit there with for 15 minutes with us to begin with.

Faith,Lessons Learned,Life

I Get It

posted on : May 21, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

For many years I have wondered why I haven’t been able to forget the many sins and things that I’ve done wrong in my life and have repented of.  They come back to haunt me and I feel devastated that I did those wrong things and I end up with negative self talk, thoughts and generally feeling badly about myself.  I really just want to forget that I did those wrong things.  But, as I have thought about it, I have decided that remembering them is good for at least three reasons. One, it gives me understanding and empathy for those who are struggling as they are trying to change, and even for those who are not trying to change.  I get it, and I see how easily it is to fool ourselves into wrong behavior and then continue in the wrong behavior because it seems there’s no hope now.  I get how hard it is to change and leave old behaviors behind as I struggle forward in hopes of becoming more Christ like. I understand the lure of the world and how things seem good and fun and desirable.  I get what Nephi meant when he said in 2 Nephi 4:18 “I am encompassed about, because of the many temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.” I am so very weak and so easily beset by sins and so easily stray off the path.  So even though I would like to forget the things I’ve done wrong, I am a more compassionate person because I remember.  Another reason I think it is good for me to remember the things I’ve done wrong in my life is that it helps me be less judgmental.  If I didn’t remember, it would be so easy to say about another person’s behaviors, “well, I would never do that” or “that person is an awful/bad/terrible person.”  Remembering allows me to separate the behavior from the person and to understand how easy it is to do wrong things, and helps me be less judgmental. It allows me to see another person as a human being who is weak and struggling, like me.  And finally, I also think that remembering the things I have done wrong acts as a barrier to prevent me from doing those wrongs and sins again.  I remember the pain I felt at the recognition of those sins being wrong and the struggle to overcome them through repentance. It is in the remembering of the shame and sorrow of having done those wrong things that helps to prevent me from making the same mistakes again, it helps me to get it. So even though I would love to forget the things I’ve done wrong I can see the wisdom in allowing me to remember, it allows me to get it.

Children,Faith

She is a Child of God

posted on : May 17, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

When one of my daughters was very young I found her challenging to deal with.  It seemed she wanted to do just the opposite of whatever I wanted her to do and even though she was very young we battled on almost everything.  I knew that I didn’t want that kind of relationship with her but I had not yet learned that most of the things I insisted on were not that important.  I also knew I wanted to have a calm, peaceful atmosphere in my home, not one in which we battled against each other.  Perplexed as to know what to do I remember praying about it one day and asking Heavenly Father to remind me that she was a child of God whenever I was frustrated with her or arguing with her.  The day went as usual and before long we were in another battle but in the midst of it the thought “she is a child of God” came firmly to my mind which actually took me back a little.  I stopped arguing and handled it differently.  Unfortunately it took me many years to learn what was important and what wasn’t, but I did learn that if I prayed for specific guidance and help that Heavenly Father would bless me with it.

Church,Faith,Friendship

Visiting Teachers

posted on : May 3, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

Many years ago I lived in a ward with a family where the wife died from cancer leaving a young family for her husband to care for.  The father asked to have visiting teachers assigned to him to teach him how to cook, clean, shop, do little girls’ hair and a whole host of things that he needed to learn in order to serve his family.  The process worked well and after a few months he was able to do what he needed to do independently.  I’m impressed that he recognized that he needed to learn some things, knew he could turn to the good women of his ward and was humble enough to ask for help.  Visiting Teaching has blessed my life in many ways just like it did for this man and his family, and for some reason I have always liked Visiting Teaching. Even when I was a teenager I couldn’t wait to be a Visiting Teacher and yes, I know that’s a little odd but I have always felt drawn to it.  I like the one on one connection, I like getting to know other women in a more personal way.  I like discussing gospel principles and having time to go into more depth with the topic, and I have noticed that I leave feeling the Spirit more and it lingers with me for the day.  I like having women for whom I feel a responsibility to care for, to pray for and to think about their needs and ways I can serve them.  I have been inspired by the women I visit with, have learned from them and have felt their strength as they go through hard times with faith.  Whenever I have met women in the various wards I have lived in who I didn’t particularly like, either I ended up being their Visiting Teacher or they were mine and it didn’t take long before I realized how wrong I had been in my judgement.  Because of this I have learned to be less judgmental and to give people the benefit of the doubt more, and to realize I’m not seeing the whole person in the limited setting of a few hours at church.  I have not always had women who were easy to visit and even then I learned more about the struggles of mental health or being less active and serving when it wasn’t easy.  And just as I have been blessed by being a Visiting Teacher I have been blessed by having Visiting Teachers who have listened to me, taught me more about the gospel of Jesus Christ and been my friends. The new focus now is ministering-really focusing on the needs of the women I visit.  What an inspired program!  Recently I was working in a ward service project involving the cleaning up of yards of people in our neighborhood.  While I was raking up weeds, one of the home owners came out and upon seeing many women working alongside the men commented “it seems that women can be ministers too.”  I sincerely replied “they always have been.”

Children,Faith,Life

Perfection Pending

posted on : April 26, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

A week after one of my sons was baptized, when he was eight years old, he came to me in tears.  He said “I just can’t do it.  I’ve tried and tried but I can’t be perfect.”  He was very serious and crying because he thought that all was lost.  He said that he had tried all week-long and just couldn’t be perfect. It gave me a wonderful opportunity to explain about the atonement of Jesus Christ and sincere repentance and grace and how they work in our lives.  God knew that despite our best efforts and intentions that we would make mistakes and we would sin.  He lovingly provided a way for us to overcome these mistakes and sins through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  And the atonement of Jesus Christ not only gives us opportunity to repent of sins but also give us strength and help during that process and during the process of life as we try to overcome ourselves.  David O. McKay, a great prophet, once said “The purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to make bad men good and good men better.”  The Gospel, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, helps me to be better and do better.

Children,Church,Lessons Learned

Sunday Mornings

posted on : April 19, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 2 Comments

Sunday mornings at our house were always hectic and chaotic while trying to get everyone ready for church.  My husband usually had church responsibilities that took him away from home Sunday mornings and it always seemed I had a new baby or was pregnant a good many of those crazy years, which meant I was extra tired!  Somehow we always had the 9:00 church schedule when I had a new baby which added to the difficulty of getting there on time and since my babies always nursed every two hours I had to feed a baby twice before actually getting out of the door.  It was stressful but I found a few things that helped Sunday mornings to go a little smoother.  Most of the time I got up earlier than my children and got myself ready in the quiet of the morning, and that left me free to  help my children after I got them up.  I usually made a simple breakfast which helped entice my non-morning children to get up, and I didn’t worry about cleaning up until after we got home from church.  After church I confiscated socks and shoes and put them away so they would be easy to find the following week, which actually worked most of the time.  Any older child that was ready was assigned to brush the hair of a younger brother or sister and help get his or her shoes and socks on them.  I read once that it sometimes helped to have your children pick out their clothes the night before and I tried this and found my kids changed their minds by morning, so it didn’t work so great for me.  The biggest thing I did to help everyone be ready on time was to set my ready-by time one half hour before church began.  So if church began at 9:00 I tried to be ready by 8:30 which then gave me time to look for lost shoes, missing ties and deal with any problems that came up.  One time one of my daughters had a talk to give and had gone outside after she was ready for church and had taken her talk with her.  She set it down outside somewhere on our 4 acres and couldn’t remember where she had put it.  That half hour even gave me time to deal with that as we frantically looked for, found her talk and got to church on time.  I think one of the reasons I tried so hard to be on time was that I was aware we were a large group and caused a commotion when we entered late, which detracted from the reverence of the meeting.  I also felt quite of bit of stress to be on time and if we were running late I found myself yelling at everyone to hurry up which is ironic to go to church yelling at your kids. It doesn’t do much to create feelings of reverence and love to enter the building having been yelled at.  Most of all, I really liked having about 10 minutes to enjoy the music and shift my thinking from chaos to reverence and focusing on the sacrament.  It didn’t always work and sometimes no matter what I did there were bad mornings where nothing seemed to go right.  But the sweet thing was that most of the time it did work.

Faith,Lessons Learned

Diligence

posted on : April 12, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I have a 16-year-old daughter with Down Syndrome.  She is an amazing person who was born with faith and when I tell her something, she believes me.  She loves going to church and participating in Sunday School and Young Women’s classes, and she takes seminary classes through her high school.  She always reminds me to do family scriptures and prayer and I know she reads her scriptures on her own and says her prayers each night, and she always remembers to ask for a blessing on her food- even in a restaurant.  Sometimes after she gets home from school when she’s had seminary or after a Sunday School class I will ask her what the lesson was about or something that she learned.  Her reply is always said with a little frustration “I don’t know.”  I can ask her several questions to try to prompt her memory but she genuinely doesn’t know what was talked about.  In some ways it’s even more remarkable that she persists in doing these righteous behaviors since she doesn’t remember what she’s taught or read. I have thought about her diligence in attending these classes and doing her own personal reading and remember the scripture in the Bible from John 14:26 which says in part “…the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance…”  The knowledge is in there and some day, because of her diligence, she will have all things brought to her remembrance through the Holy Ghost.

Faith,Lessons Learned

Obedience

posted on : April 10, 2018 posted by : Somethingsihavelearned 0 Comment

I remember a time when I was young sitting in my family’s car with my brother and poking him with my finger just to annoy him.  I was probably about 10 and he was about 8 years old.  Of course my brother complained to my mother, who was driving our car, and she told me to quit poking him with my finger.  So I started poking him with my elbow and of course he complained again and of course she told me to quit poking him with my elbow.  Then I went to pinching him, and then to hitting him with my leg and anything else I could think of to be annoying while still being “obedient.”  I was having a lot of fun playing the game of being obedient but not really obedient, because I was doing what my mom said while still trying to get around it.  Since then I have learned the difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law and doing something to be obedient and doing something because I love God.  Too often even now I do things because they are right to do, not because I love God and want to serve Him and show my love through obedience. And although it’s better to be obedient and do something that is right than to not do it, it’s even better to do something because of my love for my Savior.  I recognize that obedience as well as other gospel principles and doctrines really require giving my heart to God for me to get the most out of them and so really  serving God with my heart and being obedient out of love benefits me the most.