Daily Archives: August 20, 2018

There’s only one time I ever semi-seriously thought about divorce from my husband.  We had been married for about 10 years and had 5 children.  My husband travels for his business several days a week and at this time it was often just me and 5 very active children, and breaks away seldom happened.   It was hard to get sitters for my kids because they were so active and they usually wore a baby sitter out.  One time I overheard a group of girls from my church talking about babysitting and heard one of them say about our family “they pay great but it isn’t worth it.” So in hope of time away I had signed up for a craft class on a Saturday afternoon which would provide a much-needed respite for me, and I was really looking forward to it.  My husband had some work to do at his office and promised to be home in time for me to get to my class.  I got ready to go and got all of my supplies packed and I was really looking forward to the project I was going to do.  The time came and went when he was supposed to be home.  I tried calling him but he didn’t answer the phone.  It was too late to try to find a willing and brave sitter.  The class started and he still didn’t come home.  I was so upset that he hadn’t come home and I had missed the class.  When he finally got home I asked him what had happened.  He had more work to do than he thought and had decided to finish it.  That was it.  Nothing urgent, or serious or even necessary.  He just stayed to finish his work which he could have done on Monday.  I was so hurt and mad, and I remember later driving down a road crying and wondering if I could stay married to him.  As I thought about it I figured out the real issue-could I stay  married to a man who didn’t value what I wanted to do just as much as what he wanted to do, who didn’t think that what I wanted was just as important as what he wanted. Later, when I had calmed down, I told him that at some point he had decided that what he was doing was more important than what I wanted to do or he would have kept his promise and been home on time.  He didn’t get it. Over the next few days I kept trying in different ways to calmly explain it to him and he still wasn’t getting it.  I remember riding with him in a car one day and trying again to tell him that at some point he decided that what he was doing was more important than what I wanted to do or he would have stopped working and been home on time.  Suddenly the light went on in his eyes and he got it.  He finally understood what I was saying.  He apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again, and you know what?  He has diligently tried to keep that promise.  Maybe I kept trying to get him to understand because I knew he was a good man.  Since then he has been conscious of my time and has really made an effort to be aware of my interests and if I wanted to do something he has done what he can to make sure I could do it.  For me, staying calm, thinking about what the issue really was and then persistently addressing it was key. Of course it helps that he’s a good man.