Mother’s Day

I always have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day and in most ways I used to dread it.  This is what I wrote in my journal in 2003: “Today is Mother’s Day.  I hate Mother’s Day.  I hear the talks in church and realize all the things I am not doing, that I will never be and never do and not only do I feel guilty, I feel depressed and sad that my children don’t have the mother they deserve.  Today the talks in church were different though. The speakers were assigned to talk about a principle of the gospel they learned from their mothers.  I liked this and for once I didn’t come home from church feeling like a failure…As I sat there thinking (about what the speakers were saying, I thought) about what I learned from my mother, I thought of the principle of tithing.”  I have previously written about how my mom paid tithing on the very little money that she earned and attributed that to our family making it until she graduated from nursing school and got a job.  Because of her firm testimony of tithing I have always paid my tithing, even when I was a very poor college student and I have seen many blessings, not always material, from paying tithing.  I also wrote what I learned from my mother-in-law: “I know that she has a firm belief in the power of prayer.  Many times when she has had problems she has told me that she would immediately fall to her knees and pray.  She has felt a real strength from praying in her life and I believe that has carried over to her children who have such a firm commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.”  Her unflagging devotion to the gospel and prayer have taught me much about praying and I have learned from her to always turn to my Heavenly Father in times of great need and in times of little need.  Some things I hope my children have learned from me include that the gospel is the way to happiness, that love is the key to solving most problems, to be honest with yourself and with others, and to work hard and do your best in whatever you do. Even though I’m not perfect in living these attributes I know them to be important and have gotten better at living them over the years. In spite of my many shortcomings and weaknesses my children are fine adults doing much good in the world.  Whenever I feel badly about not being a better mother I remember a conversation I had with one of my daughters where I apologized for yelling too much and not being patient enough.  She said “mom, I don’t remember you yelling.  I remember you singing and dancing with us in the family room.”  I tear up when I think of this conversation because   maybe I did better than I think, and maybe Mother’s Day is not something I need to dread.